Just a curious question that popped in my head tonight. Just wondering if anyone knows any good CLEAN piping jokes . . . or accordion jokes whatever.
I met one highlandpiper in Glasgow, but he was orphan.
Here’s an old story - An accordion player parks his car outside a bar in a rough neighbourhood - and goes inside for a quick glass. The bartender gives him a glass and they get to talking. The box player mentions he has an accordion in his car and the bartender says, “I hope you’ve locked your car doors then”.
“Oh Jaysus, no!!!”, says the box player, and rushes out to his car, but he’s too late, he sees a rear door is open wide - with a pounding heart and a queasy feeling in his gut he looks inside his car and groans. His accordion is still there on the back seat, but someone has noticed the unlocked car, seen the oppotunity, and thrown in two more accordions
Infantry Piper leading the battalion over the top of the trenches in World War 1…German machine guns and artillery fire everything they have at them…soldier behind piper says “for feck sake,play them something they like…” 
Slan Go Foill
Uilliam
How do you ruin a harsh-bottomn-d?
By playing it.
Like old tunes the old ones are the best.
How can you tell when a Bodhran player knocks at the door.
The knock tempo speeds up.
Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?”
A: The other replies, “That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”
How do you get 2 pipers to play a perfect unison?
Shoot one.
enough already!!!
If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions,
an in-tune piper,
an out-of-tune piper,
or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune piper!
You were hallucinating the other two.
One of my faves:
An Englishman walks into a pub with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tell everyone in the pub this is a very talented animal. “He can play any musical instrument in the world.”
Everyone in the pub laughs, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will bet $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A Welshman walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Segovia. The Welshman pays his $50.
Another Englishman walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. This Englishman also pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He gives them to the octopus who fumbles around with them in a confused fashion for several minutes.
“Ha!” the Scot says, “Can ye nae play it?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to make love* to it as soon as I figure out how to get it’s pajamas off!”
(* edited for a mixed audience)
Piper MacKay’s widow went into the office of the local newspaper and asked how much it cost to print an obituary.
“7p a word” came the reply.
"Then print ‘Piper MacKay died’ " says the widow.
The clerk looks up and says, “There is a seven word minimum, Missus.”
She thought a moment and says, "Then print ‘Piper MacKay died. Used bagpipes for sale.’ "
What’s the difference between an onion and a bagpipe?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe… 
What’s the difference between a newbie piper playing in a session for the first time and Dr. Scholl’s insoles?
Dr. Scholl’s buck up the feet.
What’s the difference between a trampoline and an accordion?
You take off your boots when you jump on a trampoline
Oooo… only one I know I read years ago in some novel…
The definition of a gentleman is a man who can play bagpipes but chooses not to.
Q: What did the Scotsman say when he saw his first uilleann pipes?
A: You’d better kill it before it grows up!
[Zombie Alert! - Mod]
The following was left over from yesterday’s festivities…I know, it’s an old one 
An Englishman walks into a pub with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tell everyone in the pub this is a very talented animal. “He can play any musical instrument in the world.”
Everyone in the pub laughs, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will bet $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A Welshman walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Segovia. The Welshman pays his $50.
Another Englishman walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. This Englishman also pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He gives them to the octopus who fumbles around with them in a confused fashion for several minutes.
“Ha!” the Scot says, “Can ye nae play it?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get it’s pyjamas off!”
er … did you pick that up from the previous page, osage? What struck me was the (I can’t be bothered to check, but it looks like …) identical wording. I wonder if that joke has an official, written in stone, source?
I’m experiencing déja vu all over again.
Not only that, but I’m also experiencing déja vu all over again.