Anyone want to share some whistle humor or funny story about whistling?
(Many of these jokes have served as banjo, bagpipe, accordion, etc. jokes.)
Hopefully, these don’t come across as too mean spirited.
How do you get two whistle players into tune?
Shoot one.
The ensemble was so out of tune, even the whistle player noticed.
If you are lost in the woods and come across an out of tune whistle player, Santa Clause, or an in tune bagpiper, who do you ask for help from?
The out of tune whistle player, the other two are clearly hallucinations.
What’s the difference between running over a bluegrass musician and a whistle player?
The bluegrass musician might actually have been on their way to the recording studio.
If you find a whistle player, an accordionist and a banjoist along side of the road, in what order do you run over them?
The accordionist, then the banjoist, and finally the whistle player; business before pleasure.
What do you call 50 whistle players and or all their instruments on the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do whistle players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How many whistle players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change the light bulb, one to check The Chiff and Fipple to see if it lists a URL on that subject and a third one to tell them how Davy Spillane would do it with much more technical proficiency.
Hopefully I’ve only offended people with bad or no senses of humor.
Oh, you forgot one…
There was a man walking down a road in Ireland with a long, dark bundle under his arm, and one of the men from the pub stopped him and asked, “What is it that ye’ve got there?” in a concerned tone. “It’s only 20 pounds of semtex… Why do you ask?” “Thanks be to Jaysus!!! I thought it was a low whistle!”
semtex???
OK…
Q-What’s the difference between a dead snake in the middle of the road and a dead whistle player in the middle of the road?
A-Skid marks in front of the snake.
Q-A whistle player and a piper fall off of the Empire State building. Who hits the ground first?
A-Who cares?
-Ross
TelegramSam wrote:
Semtex??
I think it’s a type of plastic piping…
Irish Whistles are the true instrument of the Elven folk.
[ This Message was edited by: The Whistling Elf on 2002-06-08 15:28 ]
On 2002-06-08 15:25, The Whistling Elf wrote:
I think it’s a type of plastic piping…
Remind me not to let you do any plumbing work for me… 
It only feels kinky the first time.
[ This Message was edited by: fatveg on 2002-06-08 15:31 ]
On 2002-06-08 15:25, The Whistling Elf wrote:
TelegramSam wrote:
Semtex??
I think it’s a type of plastic piping…
Actually it’s the plastic explosive used by the IRA…hence the joke about not wanting you to do any of our plumbing.
On 2002-06-08 15:19, rossmpfc13 wrote:
Q-A whistle player and a piper fall off of the Empire State building. Who hits the ground first?
-Ross
What is the appropriate tune to play if you have been thrown from a tail building and find you have a piper to accompany you? Aren’t most pipes tuned to something close to Bb? The best I could think of was Amazing Grace, but you would probably hit the ground before you were done.
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-16 17:17 ]
In the interest of fairness, here are some counter-jokes:
Q. How do you know when a bodhran player is knocking at your door?
A. He doesn’t know when to come in.
Q. What’s the highest pitch you can get on a 120-bass piano accordion?
A. Five yards with a good arm.
Q. What’s the difference between a banjo and a tenor banjo?
A. A tenor banjo takes longer to burn.
[ This Message was edited by: caj on 2002-06-08 16:01 ]
What are the best whistles made from?
Wood, it burns cleanly, plastic whistles generate too much smoke and metal whistles will not burn at all, except for the fipple, if you are lucky.
I belong to the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Palouse Folk Orchestra. We have a banjoist, accordionist, two recorder players, two fiddlers, a spoon player, bass guitarist and me, the whistle, but sometimes ocarina, flutophone, recorder, etc. player. I actually get along with the recorder players out of fipple flute solidarity. The banjoist and accordionist hear the most jokes directed at them, but the spoon player actually had one of the jokes we haven’t mentioned yet actually used on him. He was playing to spoons to the music in a bar when someone gave him a beer. He thanked them for the beer and asked if they did it out of appreciation of his playing. It turned out they just wanted him to stop.
Sometimes, we don’t need another high-pitched melody instrument, so I recently took up the ukulele, as it was inexpensive. I bet that instrument has its share of jokes. I joked with the banjoist that there is an instrument that is a double threat, the ukulele banjo! Another joke is that its last period of great popularity and respect came to an end due to Tiny Tim’s career. I told this to the accordionist and he started laughing and said that Laurence Whelk did the same thing to the accordion. Even the name ukulele is a joke. It means jumping flea; it is thought the Hawaiians found the pick resembled a hopping flea when the instrument it is based on first got to the islands from Madera. As Madera is part of Portugal, I wonder if there are any jokes built around that fact? I know a Hawaiian that tells “Porcebe” jokes. I will have to point out to him his home state adopted an instrument the Portuguese sent as a joke.
I have a blue plastic alto sweet potato ocarina that I played when we played Wabash Cannonball, so the base player complimented me on my ability to get such haunting tones out of a squirt gun. I played Yellow Submarine with it and it sounded like the song was written specifically for it. I have a five finger hole soprano ocarina that is hard to play relative to the whistle; it has binary rather than linear fingerings. I like to tell the recorder players it has nothing but cross-fingerings.
It has been said the Irish gave the bagpipe to the Scotts as a joke. Having some Scotts ancestors, a bit of lore was passed down through my family and I think I’m the only living person that this bit of information was passed down to. It turns out the Scotts cultivated a love of the pipes to use it to get back at the Irish for giving it to them in the first place.
My friends that play the recorders and my previous joke gave me an idea for another joke;
What is the better, the recorder or the wooden whistle?
The recorder, it burns longer.
Now I see that Caj beat me to the “it burns longer” jokes.
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-14 04:06 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-14 04:07 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-16 17:18 ]
Q:How is a bodhran player and an army explosives specialist alike?
A:They both know how to destroy a good bridge.
Q: What do you call a bodhran player that just broke up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend?
A: Homeless.
fatveg Wrote:
Remind me not to let you do any plumbing work for me…
blackhawk Wrote:Actually it’s the plastic explosive used by the IRA…hence the joke about not wanting you to do any of our plumbing.
heeeeyyy! I can replace a faucet all on my own!
Well… uh… the faucet knobs, anyway. 
[ This Message was edited by: The Whistling Elf on 2002-06-09 00:10 ]
I guess it’s unfair of me to leave out the concertina jokes.
Q. What’s the difference between a concertina and a goose being stepped on?
A. Vibrato.
Q. Why do concertinas have six-sided ends?
A. To keep people from stuffing them down rectangular garbage chutes.
Sessioneer #1: Is that a concertina?
Sessioneer #2: Yes, a brass-reeded Lachenal.
Sessioneer #1: What’s it sound like?
Sessioneer #2: You can’t actually hear it over this racket, but it’s really soothing and warm.
Sessioneer #1: So it’s like wetting your pants, except it costs $1,000.
-Caj
On 2002-06-08 15:58, Rod Sprague wrote:
On 2002-06-08 15:19, rossmpfc13 wrote:
Q-A whistle player and a piper fall off of the Empire State building. Who hits the ground first?
-RossWhat is the appropriate tune to play if you have been throw from a tail building and find you have a piper to accompany you? Aren’t most pipes tuned to something close to Bb? The best I could think of was Amazing Grace, but you would probably hit the ground before you were done.
ha.
Well, the Highland pipes are somewhere between a Bb and an A. I think you can get tunable ones. Well, they’re all tunable. But to a concert pitch.
If I was thrown from a tall building, I would play Ashokan Farewell by Jay Ungar.
lol
-Ross
A whistle player walks past this pub.
That’s right, it CAN happen!
A whistle player locked his keys in the car. He had to use his low D whistle to break the glass, to get the bodhran player out.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q: Why did the whistle player leave a Bodhran on his dash board?
A: He wanted to park in the handicapped spot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q: Why did the people of Hamlen not grab their children and stop them from following the Pied Piper out of town, when he played his whistle?
A: It was worth it to get some peace and quiet.
\
Walden
And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? --1Cor.14:7
[ This Message was edited by: Walden on 2002-06-10 01:01 ]
How do you get a whistle player to play softer???
Put music in front of him.
Definition of “Perfect Pitch”
Distance you can throw a Low Whistle
How does a whistle player bet netter gas mileage out of his car?
Take the Pizza sign off of it.
Tipper for Bodhran player to use, suggested by other sessioneers?
A butcher knife.
Whistle player goes into a pub during a session… “anyone wanna hear a good bodhran joke?”. A guy says “allrite, lad, watch yerself, I’m a bodhran player and so are me three mates over by the bar. Now do you wanna tell yer bodhran joke?” the Whistle player says, “no, not if I gotta explain it four times!”
On 2002-06-10 00:13, TnWhistler wrote:
Tipper for Bodhran player to use, suggested by other sessioneers?
A butcher knife.
That alludes to a quote from Seamus Ennis, the great Uillean piper, who said that the best way to play a bodhran was with a pen knife.
Q: What’s the difference between a cheap whistle and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawn mower.