Here’s a variation on the Saxaphone joke:
What’s the difference between a Low Whistle/Tinwhistle and a Lawn Mower??
And:
What’s the difference between a Low Whistle and a chain saw??
The exhaust.
After years of no gigs, a whistle player gets himself invited to play a New Year’s eve gig with some mates. He is so excited he leaves County Down early in the day and arrives in County Cavan at the bar before it opens. He figures: No harm done, I now know the location of the pub so I’ll grab a nice meal. While he’s eating at a hotel he suddenly realises he’s left his prized, imported American, hand-made whistle sitting on the front seat so he jumps from the table and runs to the car, but too late. The passenger window is smashed and as he looks in he sees eight more whistles have been thrown on the seat.
They are passing around a hat at the local pub, asking for a shilling for a recently-departed whistle player’s burial. A visiting fiddler throws in two shilliings, saying: “Here are two shillings, bury another one.”
rossmpfo13 wrote (and I assume he’s a piper):
If I was thrown from a tall building, I would play Ashokan Farewell by Jay Ungar.
And the whistle player would play Carolan’s Farewell to Music on a High D and then a Low D.
That alludes to a quote from Seamus Ennis, the great Uillean piper, who said that the best way to play a bodhran was with a pen knife.
Actually, I’ve heard that said of the accordion—which is true, because of the way the bass buttons stick.
My ma once found a piano accordion at a garage sale for $30, and it looked like the previous owner took an icepick to the left side. I could tell what keys he played in by what buttons were scarred the most.
Why do bagpipers (whistlers/bodhran players/banjoists/etc.) have such big families?
Thier wives will do ANYTHING to make them stop playing!
-Patrick
A man walks into a music shoppe in Dublin and inquires about purchasing the red low whistle and the white accordian.
The fella behind the counter says, “you must be a bohdran player” to which the customer responds, “I yam, how’d ya know?” The fella behind the counter says, “Well I might be convinced to sell the fire extinguisher, but the radiator stays.”
What do you call an Irishman sitting on your back porch?
Paddy O’Furniture
Three Irish Musicians on their way to a session, decide to take a short cut through the local cemetery. As they walk they begin to take note of some of the grave stones. the fiddle player calls over to his mates and remarks “look at this one here, says this lad Sean lived to be 72, a respectable age for a man wouldn’t you say”. The box player then replies “tis a good number, this old man though, name of Patrick, he lived to be 84. Now that is truly an impressive life span, may God grant me the same”. The Whistle player stands in front of a stone, scratching his head when he called out with awe “Jaysus, this man beats both men combined. If I did not see it with my own eyes I wouldn’t believe it, but it says right here Miles from Dublin…152”!
I purchased a C Clarke in 2001, so I did the logical thing and named it Arthur.
I’ve noticed that bohdran players get the same sort of jokes that rock drummers get directed at them.
How do you tell if the percussionist’s platform is level?
They drool equally from both sides of their mouth.
What do you do with a percussionist that practices the subtleties of dynamics and blending into an ensemble?
For God sakes, keep them by whatever reasonable means you can!
Quoting U2 . . .“The passenger window is smashed and as he looks in he sees eight more whistles have been thrown on the seat.” And quoting Walden, “A whistle player locked his keys in the car. He had to use his low D whistle to break the glass, to get the bodhran player out.” So whistle players should simply not lock their cars, especially if they have WhOA or take bohdran players with them or simply don’t want to keep replacing windows!
This is an old marching band joke, but I guess it could apply to all drummers in general : )
Q: How can you tell your being followed by a drummer?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
We’ve gone over the bohdran stereotype quite thoroughly, which makes me think of some other musical stereotypes. I know that oboists are said to be completely mad, as the nasal sound of the obo is said to resonate in the sinuses, damaging their frontal lobes. I just hope that is an urban legend! Being a Celtic tenor I hope I don’t fit the stereotype of the tenor that was best expressed in the title of the book of operatic humor “Men, Women and Tenors”. My mom is a classically trained operatic soprano who sounds like Beverly Sills. She fits the stereotype best described by the joke “How come sopranos can’t change light bulbs? They grasp the bulb and expect the world to revolve around them.” I played the baritone sax in high school (which being heavy and held up with a neck strap resulted in my neck being wider than my head! I looked like an otter) and I have no idea what they say about players of that instrument.
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-14 04:04 ]
Why did God invent Guinness?
So the Irish wouldn’t take over the world.
Here’re a few more.
Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?
A: Two whistles playing a unison.
Q: How do you know a low whistle player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear him.
Q: How do you make a teakettle sound like a tinwhistle?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: How do you keep your whistle from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a recorder case.
Q: How many whistle jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Walden
Deus converte nos et ostende faciem tuam et salvi erimus
[ This Message was edited by: Walden on 2002-06-15 04:52 ]
On 2002-06-14 10:54, skywatcher wrote:
Why did God invent Guinness?So the Irish wouldn’t take over the world.
I saw that on a Tshirt in Erie PA, of all places.
Q: What’s the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
Q: What’s the difference between an accordion and an onion?
A: No one cries when you cut up an accordion.
Snuh
[ This Message was edited by: snuh on 2002-06-20 17:19 ]
I came up with a new joke:
I group of musicians from the British Isles were in the USA, when a local bohdran player asked them what they found exotic about the US. They told him that they found driving disconcerting as they drive in the opposite direction back home. The bohdran player got a thoughtful look on his face and said, “Isn’t that rather hard on transmissions?”
[ This Message was edited by: Rod Sprague on 2002-06-17 00:44 ]
A man brings an octopus to his local session. Of course this piques everyone’s interest.
“What’s with the octopus?” Asks the fiddler.
“He can play any musical instrument,” replies the man.
“$50 says he can’t play the fiddle.”
“You’re on!”
The octopus plays the fiddle and the fiddler hands over the $50.
“Anyone else?” Asks the man.
“Surely he can’t play my concertina,” says one fellow, “I’ll wager $50.”
The octopus plays the concertina and the fellow pays up.
Finally the Uilleann piper speaks up, “I’ll bet $50 he can’t play these.” The octopus straps on the pipes and begins writhing around, but no sound is heard.
The man says to his octopus, “Don’t tell me you can’t play that!”
The octopus replies, “Play it? No! I’m trying to mate with it!”
On 2002-06-17 02:03, jim_mc wrote:
The octopus replies, “Play it? No! I’m trying to mate with it!”
A better ending would be for Highland pipes; and for the octpous to say, “Play it? I’m gonna screw it once I get it out of its pajamas!”
Sorry about my twisted sense of humor, but I just had to say that…
-Ross
Q: How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The organist can do that with her feet.
Q: How many electric guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q: How many Reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Light bulb? Oh, No! We spent all de money on spliffs, mon!