Now THAT’s funny.
Q. What do you get if you drop a piano down a mining shaft?
A. A flat minor.
Q. What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A. A flat major.
I got one!
Q. Why do they dig a lawyer’s grave 12 feet deep instead of the normal 6 feet?
A. Because, deep down, lawyers are really OK.
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What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead Bodhran player in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the snake -
How do you tell if there’s a bodhran player at your door?
The knock keeps getting faster and faster, and he doesn’t know when to come in. -
A doctor, an architect, and a lawyer are sitting in a pub having wee dram and discussing who has the oldest profession. The doctor spoke first saying “well…god created Eve out of Adam’s Rib. That was a medical procedure if I ever heard one, making my job the oldest.”
The architect, smirking, took a sip of beer and said “Aye, but before that, he took 7 days and created the whole world out of Chaos…clearly an architect’s work.”
Just then the Lawyer slithered over and asked “but who do you think created that Chaos?”
Cheers
Ross
The New All-Ireland Uilleann Pipe Grading system.
- Beginning piper. Knows nothing.
- Intermediate piper. Knows everything. Too good to play with beginners.
- Hotshot piper. Too good to play with anyone.
- Advanced piper. Plays everything. Especially with beginners.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One to screw in the light bulb and nine to watch while thinking, “Yeah, I could do that.”
How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They have a machine that does that now.
… and I was told because moving targets are more tricky to shoot. Life can be cruel … at least sometimes … 
How is a bari sax player like a lawsuit?
Everyone is happier when the case is closed.
when I used to play in a folk band with no drummer we used to tell the joke onstage that drummers are a bit like condoms. You know you ought to use one, but somehow it feels better without.
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and say’s ‘I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can’t play’. The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus’s owner pockets the fifty bucks.
Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus’s owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and say’s to the guy and his octopus, ‘now if your octopus can play that I’ll give you a hundred dollars’. The octopus takes a fond look at the bagpipes, lifts it up turns it over, has another look from another angle, and suddenly, with wild commotion, is all over it. But no sound. Puzzled, the octopus’s owner comes up and says ‘What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!’ The bar owner says, ‘see he can’t play it…where’s my hundred bucks?’
‘Let him be,’ said the octopus’ owner. Soon as he figures out he can’t make love to it, he’ll play it.
… an oldie, but a moldy. 
Music teacher to lazy pupil - “if you don’t practice I’ll tell your mother you have talent”.
So… ummmm… Two guys walk into a bar, and you’d think that the second guy would’ve seen it.
I’m sorry , ahh, Mr. Smith , if that’s your real name; we’ll have to deny you boarding status based on your condition!
how many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
two, I don’t know how they get inside but two mice can “screw” in a light bulb!
Question to bass player: “What’s the subdominant to F?”
Bass player answers: “Why do you ask? F IS the subdominant!”
…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…dang it…
How many sean-nos singers does it take to change a light bulb.
2
One to put in the new one and one to sing about how good the old one used to be.
Ba bum tish.
Tommy
What do you yell when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
B-flat minor.
A guy walks into a Belfast pub carrying a suspicious looking case and he orders a pint. The bartender says, “What’s in the case.” Your man says, “That’s none of your fecking business.” “Look, mate,” explains the barman. “We can’t serve you until you say what’s in that case.” The guy grumbles for a bit, but he really wants his pint, so he says, “Fine. It’s several pounds of plastique.” “Oh, that’s okay,” replies the bartender. “I was afraid it was a bodhran.”
How do you get two uilleann pipers to play in tune with one another?
Shoot one.