“You might be lucky to catch a night when there were two flute players in the band, when their slightly dodgy intonation shifted the whole feel of the music, bubbling and fluttering like two yapping terriers at a man’s ankle.”
~ Reg Hall, “A Few Tunes of Good Music” ~
Tried to use it as my signature but it had “too many characters”…
Best wishes.
Steve
Lol, that’s awesome Steve 
Shame it won’t fit in your sig.
That explains those funny looks one of the violin players ( with perfect pitch ) at our local session keeps shooting at us. 
Great quote!
'What’s a chord? Three flooters playing G."
My favorites:
What do a trumpet player and a pirate have in common? They both commit murder on the high Cs.
What do a bagpipe and an incoming missile have in common? By the time you hear them coming, it’s too late.
What’s the definition of parallel seconds? Two flutes playing in unison.
How can you tell the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Did you hear about the bodhran player who parked his car with two bodhrans laying in the back seat?
He walked away, and after walking a block realized he’d forgotten to lock the car.
He ran back, but it was too late. He saw there were now seven bodhrans in the back seat.
What do an accordion player and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What’s the difference between an accordion and a lawnmower..?
The grip.
What’s the difference between a drummer and a 401K?
One will eventually mature and become worth something.
A man walks into a bar in Belfast carrying a large bag.
The whole bar goes quiet and the barman asks him “What’s in the bag?”
“Five kilos of plastic explosives”.
“Oh thank goodness, I thought it might be a bodhran”.
How do you tune a banjo?
You don’t.
How do you know there’s a bodhran player at the door?
(electric guitarists and box players too)
The knock speeds up and gets louder?
The definition of a quarter tone?
Two oboes or uilleann pipe chanters playing unison.
Alternate version:
Q: How long does it take to tune a banjo properly?
A: Nobody knows, it’s never been done.