“…taking mynahs across state lines for immoral porpoises.”
“Niether have I - it must be because of the cobblestones”
The way I heard it was:
“Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.”
Best wishes,
Jerry
Yeah! I remember that one - my dad told it to me like 20 years ago!! Loved it then, still do.
“Head, pants, now!!” (with a Scottish accent of course)
“No Indian’s gonna make a canoe out of my skin!!” (said while poking yourself with a fork)
“We don’t serve food after 3pm” oh yeah… love it…
“It’s not Hank Aaron, is it?”
“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”
“Sorry, we don’t serve food.”
“I don’t have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
“When I got to the part about “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, I remembered where I left my bicycle.”
“Well, I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket”.
====================
Banjo player jokes:
A: He drools out of both sides of his mouth.
A: You can tune a motorcycle.
A: Gifted.
A: Homeless.
A: A car thief.
A: Will the defendant please rise.
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
A: Lost.
A: Saliva.
A: A recognizable tune.
A: He can’t find the key or he doesn’t know when to come in.
A: His fingers are moving.
A: A banjo player.
A: His banjo.
====================
Lots of lawyer jokes:
A: Another lawyer.
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.
A: A good start.
A: Not enough cement.
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
A: His lips are moving.
A: The cats keep covering them up with sand.
A: The vulture doesn’t get Frequent Flyer Miles.
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
A: One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
“Yes, but none of them are in jail.”
“You must be a lawyer.”
The lawyer thought for a moment and said, “What’s the catch?”
“Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my 'gator.”
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
“He said 'get lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.”
When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig.
“Hey,” explains the shark. “It’s just professional courtesy.”
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
“I’m actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”
“Why, it’s easy, the fake one is the one with a gleam of humanity.”
“There’s a big fire across the street,” the doctor replied. “We didn’t want you to think the operation was a failure.”
“if you will be kind enough to rise and pick out your legs, I
will take what remains”
That’s the New York version.
They can’t find shoes to match the bag.
“I wanna go to Miami!”
But I don’t remember wishing for a ten inch pianist.
The second time, I showed him.
But nobody oils their snakes anymore.
You just don’t know how to tell a joke.
And then there are the punch lines that never had jokes:
Because ice cream has no bones
One of its legs are both the same.
Don’t worry - my father’s a tailor!
Roger
No Huns, no writs, no Eros, nun left on base.
Best wishes,
Jerry
“… honest your honor, that’s exactly how it happened”.
"That made him a …
super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halotosis."
Best wishes,
Jerry
“When you’re out of slits, your out of pier.”
Silly Rabbi - kicks are for Trids!!
“But he was too late. By the time he got back to his car, someone had thrown two more bodhrans in the back seat.”
“With a penknife.”
“No, with her knife.”
“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone.”
“It took him two hours to get his wife and kids out.”
Best wishes,
Jerry