Giving Helpful Advice

[talasiga]

@Darwin

…
I had to give up teaching my wife to drive, because she never took me seriously.

The end came when we were approaching a stop sign at about 30 mph.

I said:

“We’re getting pretty close to that stop sign, you’d better slow down.”

“Slow down.”

“SLOW DOWN!!”

“STOP!!!”

"STOP!!!

STOP!!!

STOP!!!

Once through the intersection, she finally stopped–in the middle of the street, turned to me and, in a hurt voice, asked, “Why are you yelling at me?”

[boomerang]

QUESTION…

If a man is in a forrest, and there are no women around,
and
the man makes a statement…

is he still gunna be wrong???


its kinda like the sound of one hand clapping,
which will be the only sound you hear from me after trying to escape from the hole which i have just dug for myself
regards
David

[tuaz]

@NorCalMusician

from a different perspective.




Helpful Advice


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly he burst into the kitchen. “Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOSH! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOSH! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”


The wife stared at him in disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”


The husband then calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

I thought the usual problem was not so much the actual driving, but the not knowing how to get to the destination but insisting on guessing the way there.

[Jack]

@Darwin

@Cranberry

Lucky Charms is evil.

Is that because leprechauns are evil? Or is it because of the high sugar content?

Leprechauns are evil, but I can live with evil beings.

I can’t live with so called breakfast foods that rot kids’ teeth or that use animal products when they don’t have to.

[amar]

@Jay-eye

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t
feel like it, I just want you to hold me”.I said “WHAT!!! What was
that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man”. She responded to my puzzled look by saying,
“Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so, I told her,
we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
“Lets get a pair for each outfit”. We went on to the jewelry dept.
where she picked out a pair of Diamond
earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought
I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet, when she doesn’t
even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing you-know-what
from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is
all dear, let’s go to the cashier”. I could hardly contain myself when
I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it”. Her face just went
completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then
said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while..
You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love
me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either. :roll:

holy cow, did you really do that?