I’ve just been down in the market buying my fruit and veg for the weekend and stood beside me at the market stall is a drop dead gorgeous woman, though her hair and suntan obviously came out of a bottle. She was wearing the tightest , skimpiest top and the tightest jeans imaginable, all as white as the purest snow…whew!
Taking away her stuff she let a large tomato roll out of her bag and onto the floor so she squats down to pick it up and at that moment, just as she reached for it, a young boy of about four or five years of age appears out of nowhere shouts “YAHHHH!” and jumps on the tomato with both feet and Splattt..all over the blonde.
Meself and the stall holder were hysterical,falling about laughing, and Blondie then gets up,mortified, and drops the rest of the tomatos on the stall and sez “Keep them” as she stormed off.
She had already paid for them and all.
At this point the boys Mom came forward - she was trying hard to hold back the laughter - and dragged him away. Before they made their escape I gave the boy a fifty-pence coin I had in my hand and told him to get some sweets (Candy),
Worth every penny..
A shame, really, that you can’t get sense of humour from a bottle.
We use to get spray on bleaching stuff called “Sun-In”
Maybe pump-bottle nitrous–you call it “Fun-In.”
I wouldn’t call this British humour at all. I thought disasters like this were universally funny. If I’d been the person it happened to, I would have laughed my ass off, trying to berate the kid’s mother between gasps for breath. I think it’s even funnier when the person it befalls doesn’t get it.
Once when my daughter was about 9 months old we had gone shopping at one of the big-box stores. They don’t bag stuff, so it takes many trips from the car to bring stuff in. One thing we’d bought was the 20-pack of toilet paper. You guessed it – we were putting stuff away, and the whole time Alyssa was tearing up packs of toilet paper. By the time we found her, she’d torn into about 10 packs, tossed it all over the place, and she was sitting up to her chin in unrolled TP. My wife and I were laughing so hard we forgot to take a picture. Thing is, I don’t know that she’d ever seen the stuff come out of the package, so I have no idea how she knew to do this.
What isn’t to “get”? Someone who chooses to be blazingly white amongst a crowd of drab everydays is bound to be a target for some sort of humourous downfall.
I had a vaguely similar experience when working at a large grocery store. A woman, similarly over-tanned, over-blonde, and dressed all in very tight whites was cruising the store doing her shopping during ragtime, but apparently she didn’t know it, and wasn’t wearing one, as was clear from the large stain running down the insides of both legs of her very tight, very white jeans. Curiously, the men working at the store were all embarassed for her, while the women working in the store all thought this was screamingly hilarious.
When our kids were 41/2 and 6 months, the 4-year-old, Sean, was acting like a hellion and generally making a racket. Since the baby was sleeping and they shared a bedroom, we sent him to our bedroom for a time-out, which was usually very effective with him. After a quarter hour we heard no noise from our room so we decided to let him out of jail. Open the door and…there’s a fine coating of baby powder on every surface in the bedroom. Sean had found the plastic powder bottle on the bedside table and was amusing himself by squeezing it and watching the little puffs of powder that came out. He was covered with powder, also. We took it all in and thought how long this was going to take to clean up, then looked at him, white as a ghost from the powder that was all over him, and it was a great struggle not to fall down laughing. We controlled ourselves with great effort and decided it was bathtime for Sean and dusting time for us.
Mike
You mean you weren’t wearing your white on white all white retro 70s flared pimp suit with the white fedora and the heliotrope ribbon? I must say, I’m shocked, D.
I see it as a missed opportunity, dub, you could have been handy with a hanky and helped wipe the offending red liquid off of her… if you know what I mean.
“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”- Groucho Marx
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