Simple Home Remedies

Poststructural Pub
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AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will
be almost instantly removed.

  1. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
    vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
    while you chop away.

  2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
    simply using the sink.

  3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
    yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
    in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

  4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm
    clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
    after you hit the snooze button.

  5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
    laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

  6. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
    hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

And last but not least…if you are over 50 and wake up without pain, you’re dead!

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What can I say? I’m laughing to hard! In each there is a wee bit of reality.

MarkB

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Hilarious. :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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Ha Ha! :laughing: :laughing:

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Here is another one:

Don’t read the above right after taking a big swig of soda pop!!! :astonished:

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:laughing: Sounds like the wisdom of Red Green.

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  • Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

  • Don’t waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

  • Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

  • Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

  • Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

  • A next door neighbour’s car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

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Flanum wrote:

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

That was true a month ago in my neighbourhood. The street in front of my place has been a one way street going west for over sixty years. Then the city made it a two way street, in one week there were fifteen accidents involving vehicles, and six pedestrians hit, all confused and like me who steps off the curb every day only looking one way, almost bought a set of crutches.

MarkB

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  • Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.
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:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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Y’all are evil. I’ve got 6 broken ribs from a car crash, and even giggling hurts. Wince. Chortle. Cough. Smirk.

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  • OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
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:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

djm