1). Take a big gulp from a can of soda that people have used for an ashtray.
2). Lock yourself out of your running vehicle at 3 am, in the middle of a cold February night on a deserted rural highway.
3). Refer to your spouse as “… my Love-Bot”.
Keep 'em coming… 
1). Eat yellow snow.
2). Sit down with a light-bulb in your pocket.
3). Trust a fart.
Lick a metal pole when it is -20 outside.
Urinate on an electric fence.
Ask your drill instructor where he got that pretty brown bonnet.
Assume the gun is loaded.
Assume the person holding it isn’t.
Cover the driver of the car’s eyes “just for fun” No mater how few cars are on the highway.
Mail powdered laundry soap to a politician no mater how dirty you think their policies are.
Make a sarcastic suggestion to your boss (you will probably end up in charge of implementing it).
Get the toothpaste and the pile ointment tubes mixed up.
Call your partner the wrong name during sex.
Look down the hose to see what’s causing the blockage.
Ha. Ren and Stimpy.
Assume the fuse is long enough.
Pick your nose after cutting up hot peppers.
Eat unripe mulberries.
[quote=“I.D.10-t”]
Pick your nose after cutting up hot peppers.
quote]
Or make love. Trust me on this one…
Trying to spice up the old love-life, eh?
Set a cake on a chair.
Pause more than 0.5 seconds when your wife asks “Do I look fat in this?”
Provide honest “constructive criticism” when your boss asks for it.
Post to a thread entitled “Three things you should never do” with fewer than or more than three things.
Dry your poodle in the microwave.
Set a chair on a cake.
Start telling a joke before remembering the punchline.
Assume that the hotel windows can’t be seen through from the street. “Hello, this is the front desk. Can I ask you a favor?” 
Ask for requests while performing a gig in prison.
Never ever use a whistle as a straw when dining on noodles.
Never ever pee in a guitar when desperate on stage.
Never ever oil your flute with coconut oil.
Get yourself nominated for a Darwin Award.
Leave your mobile (cell) phone on your office desk all day while attending meetings elsewhere in the building.
Incur the wrath of Milner when he’s feeling sarky.
•Break your own nose by kicking yourself on a trampoline.
•Think you can substitute soy milk for “heavy cream” in cake recipes.
You don’t tug on Superman’s cape
You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don’t mess around with Jim
(da do doo dot n dee dat n dee dat dee etc…)
djm