In the office this morning various aspects of late 19th - early 20th Century European history cropped up in the course of a conversation.
A colleague, good friend and occasional session-mate admitted that World War 1 was “a bit of a kerfuffle”.
Tom Lehrer, in a song expressing anxiety
about German forces being given nuclear missiles,
wrote something like:
The German’s once were baddies,
They were nasty and mean,
But that couldn’t happen again.
We taught them a lesson in 1918
And they’ve scarcely bothered us since then.
There is a story of a passenger ship sailing past icebergs, and the passengers getting worried, thinking about the Titanic, for example.
One of the female passengers took it upon herself to enquire of the Captain,
“Captain, what would happen if the ship were to strike an iceberg?”
The Captain replied,
“The iceberg, Madam, would sail quietly on as if nothing had happened.”
A comedian a few years ago on tv was describing the horrors of his sigmoidoscopy. He said the nurse told him this would hurt a bit. He said that was like seeing a tidal wave coming and being told to expect a bit of moisture.
Tony
Not long ago the ex-to-be of a friend of mine showed up at a gig and during a break had words and a bit of shoving to direct at his new S.O. Eventually with the help of friends things were defused, and the ex left. Everyone was understandably upset about the unfortunate show.
I went up to him and said, “That went well.”
When Bill Murray is caddying for the old man in “Caddyshack.” The rain is coming down in buckets, the ball is getting blown around the green. The guy asks if he should keep playing. Murray says, “I don’t think the hard stuff will come for some time.”
When President Nixon was on his famous visit to China, he was shown the Great Wall of China. A reporter asked him what he thought of it. He paused, and then said, “It is indeed a great wall”.
Miss Otis regrets, she’s unable to lunch today.
In Ireland, WW2 was officialy referred to asThe Emergency
Slan,
D.
Heh.
Reports of my death have been greatly exagerrated.
‘I’m just going ouside and may be gone some time.’
Oates before walking to his death on Scott’s second, ill-fated, expedition to the Sth. Pole.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”(Thomas Watson, IBM 1943)
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”(Popular Mechanics, 1949)
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”(Ken Olson, DEC, 1977)
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” (Bill Gates, Microsoft,. 1981)
You remind me of the story about the man from England who went on a walking holiday in Galway during the Second World War. He stopped at a farmhouse for something to eat, and he asked the man of the house if there was any news.
“What news are you after, then?”
“Well, news about England fighting Germany.”
“Is that right now? Well, I never did hear of that at all. So England is fighting Germany, is it? Well, at least they’ve got a lovely day for it.”
Around that time..
My Mother, a young girl at the time, and her friends were gathering up bananas which had been washed ashore near Ringsend, at the time it was a small tight community living where the Liffey met the Irish Sea.
On the way back, with her dress held up to hold the booty, she fell over and knocked herself out. One of her friends went running to my grandmothers house to tell her the crack.
My grandmother grabbed a rifle from under the table, went running up the road telling the kids “I told them, keep away from everything English”.
Slan,
D. 
A guy at work won a Department of Commerce Gold Medal, the highest department-level award. A visitor saw the plaque in his office and asked what it was. He replied, “It’s like a big atta-boy.”
He won a Nobel Prize a few years later. A Japanese visitor came and was talking someone else. He asked about this guy, and his host said, “Lemme take you by to see him.” The Japanese guy, very conscious of protocol and such, said that he couldn’t possibly impose on this august person. The host finally convinced him that the prize winner would really like to meet him. So when they went into his office, the guy springs out of his chair and exclaims, "Oh, this is wonderful! I just love your work, tell me about. . . " I can just see the visitor back in Japan, either marvelling at the eccentric or buffing his fingernails telling his colleagues about the Nobel Prizewinner who wanted to get all HIS secrets.