My daughter asked for a compromise the other day that caught me off
guard a bit. It seems she wants her tongue pierced. She said “Dad, if
I get straight As for the entire year, I would like to get my tongue
pierced. If I dont get straight As I’ll drop it and wait till I’m 18”. Now
maybe I’m just a stodgy old man, but my first reaction was NO WAY.
Now that I think about it, by the end of next year she’ll be 17, and if she
really wants it done that badly, it might just give her the incentive to
really apply herself. What would you do in a situation like this?
You might want to talk with your Dentist about this. I’ve read reports that piercings in the mouth can damage the teeth by chipping them and the nickel alloy that is used is not good either.
MarkB
Go with her plan.
If she really badly wanted to mutilate herself she’d have done it by now without your say-so. Sounds to me like the young lady in question is giving herself an incentive to do well, which is of course to be encouraged.
And if she gets the A’s, good for her. Then you can renege on the deal and cut her legs off to stop her going out and doing it 
I would make the deal with her. Like she says, she is almost 18 and will be doing stuff on her own anyway. Tongue-piercing doesn’t appeal to me, but I have met some really nice kids with pierced tongues 
so it isn’t any big weird thing. Apparently it’s safe. It would be a good incentive to study, we all need that. She could be presenting you with some really horrendous problem, so she sounds like a girl with her head on straight.
Personally, if she does pretty darn good on her grades but not quite straight A’s, I’d let her do it anyway–after I see the report card. My feeling is that if you want them to keep coming and asking you about stuff, you should only be a real hard ass when it really matters.
I have no children, so this advice is NOT based on experience.
I find these deals set a bad president.
Good grades are their own reward.
“Paying” for them detracts from this.
If she is going to get her tongue pierced explain your position and make sure that she has set aside time when she does not have to speak well (is she taking any world langue classes) information. In addition, after you have made your stand clear, make sure that you help her find a good tattoo/piercing artist. Shop around and make sure that the place is clean and the work is professional. Just because you are against something does not mean you can’t do harm control.
Just my opinion.
Same here.
Go for it. In a year’s time she might
a) Get straight A’s and her piercing
b) Get straight A’s and change her mind
c) Not get the A’s and so no piercing
The odds are 2 to 1 in favour of the A’s and 2 to 1 in favour of no piercing.
A waiting period is a good idea.
My rule of thumb is that if I want a tattoo, I have to choose a design one year in advance. If I still want it, then I probably will always want it.
Might also want to have her talk to a doctor about infections (and about what she should do if she decides to remove it - will the hole remain?), and to a career advisor about the effect it would have on job interviews.
In college I started in photojournalism, and half of my classmates had pierced tongues, including some guys. None of them could speak very clearly, and most of them had developed a habit of moving their tongues around in their mouths when not talking as well. I couldn’t imagine anyone treating them as professionals.
I can’t think of a single design I might have wanted at 20 that I would still want at 50.
I chose one at 16. Still like it, still don’t have a tatoo.
This
Without the s&r
When I was growing up, kids who made good grades for their own reward were the kind of kids who got “swirlies” in the restroom. :roll:
Me personally, I’d go for the deal. It’s win-win. If she gets good grades, you can rest easy that all she wants is a piercing, and isn’t destroying her future by dropping out or something.
If she doesn’t make straight A’s, she still tried hard to apply herself (which is good) and you don’t have to deal with the piercing 
And, as has been pointed out, in another year, she’ll be legally able to do all sorts of things without your say-so…get piercings, tattoos, sign contracts, move out, etc. I’m not of the opinion that we should coddle kids, but rather, gradually introduce them to adulthood, so that when they reach legal majority, they’re ready for it.
I.D.10-t has a good idea. I’ve used that same theory for expensive purchases. I decide to wait a month. If I still want it I might wait some more or make the purchase. Otherwise not.
As far as the kid is concerned. I.D.10-t’s idea is pretty good. I use it for making purchases.
Making the deal won’t hurt because she has to go a whole school year before the deed is done. Sort of like waiting to make a major purchase of some kind.
In the meanwhile you can post pictures of infected tongues and people who’ve had total neck and jaw removal surgery on the fridge.
Waiting is always a good way to make sure you want to do something like…say, a major purchase.
Wanderer also waxes eloquent on the subject as well. What would djm say?
Both these thoughts seem good. I don’t know if nickel alloy is essential or if she could get a small gold (non-reactive metal) stud—it probably wouldn’t be that expensive. I don’t know what to think about the teeth chipping problem—doesn’t sound good, but maybe there are better places on the the tongue to do it. Hmm…
My mom took my sister to a doctor to get her ears pierced because she was worried about infections.
Getting in the habit of moving one’s tongue around strangely in one’s mouth would not be good and neither would it be good to not speak clearly. My guess is that the hole wouldn’t be awfully prominent and she could take the stud out for professional occasions. Maybe you should show your daughter some of these things and ask her to figure out the solutions to the problems ahead of time.
I’d go for the deal . . IF
Everyone was aware of the dental consequences after some dispoassionate, thorough reseach. I had heard about the tooth chipping thing as well.
Okay, it’s obvious none of you here have ever had their tongue pierced, so I need to interject a bit and dispell any myths…
Ive had mine pierced for the better part of my adult life, but my wife very persuasively asked me to remove the stud before my daughter was born…
First of all, there are a great deal of odd stories about nickell alloy being reactive, I dont know how true that is, but I know there are worse things to have studs made out of, like plastic (it can actually cause infections because it hangs on to bacteria) and copper. I had nickel studs for years and never had any problems at all. Silver is best for the money unless you’re allergic, then gold plated is best (there are even solid gold and platinum ones for those with ridiculous ammounts of disposable income).
The infection rate for toungue piercings is very low…if someone gets infected the either tried to do it themselves or they went to some joe who runs a piercing parlor out of his chicken coop.
Another myth is about the hole…I had mine gaged out to a #2 (pretty big, for those who dont know the sizes) and my hole is all but gone now (I can still get a toothpick through it when I want to gross out my wife! 
). The tongue is more elastic and resiliant than most people give it credit for. Not everyone’s hole shrinks though.
About dental damage, in all my years having a stud through my tongue, I have never had my dentist report that I had inconsistant or excessive wear on my teeth…people who do experience dental damage are playing with the damn thing to hard!
Go ahead and let her rebel a little…rebellion is healthy (to a degree) and most people grow out of it anyways. if you were to see me now, you’d never guess I was a punk in the 80’s, and I was pretty extreme in my rebellion.
There are nerves and trigger points in the area of the tongue that would be pierced, which are best left alone… seriously, not a good idea for over-all health reasons. The nose is a better place.
gee - and I thought Noah’s deal of getting an X-box if he’s on the honor roll all this year was gonna be a tough one to carry out!!! 
I’d say go ahead and make the deal. She may change her mind in a year - but I will almost guarentee you that if you DON’T make the deal, she’ll still want to get her tongue pierced in a years time. If you do make the deal - who knows? (you know, the old allure of forbidden fruit syndrome??).
Nate never wanted anything like this (tattoos, piercings, strange hair) - he was “easy” that way, so I didn’t have to do much. But with him, it was stuff on his truck (headers, straight pipes, paint, tires, rims, you get the idea). As long as his grades were good (he had to keep that good student insurance discount) and he used his own money (I certainly wasn’t gonna pay for them!) - he could do what he wanted.
Id be with Tyler on this.
Ive had a stud for a long time now(about ten years) never had problems. Very often get bored with it and leave it out for months on end.
As regards tooth chipping and unnatural tongue moving, it sounds like these people didnt return to have the initial(extra long) stud removed and have a smaller stud put in.
How about suggesting a belly button stud instead or a double piercing in her ears if the tongue thing is a bit worrying for you?
This very thought crossed my mind yesterday as I saw a woman with some very fresh tattos. There’s lots of body art I can appreciate, but it’s hard to imagine anyone’s taste staying that fixed. I guess we’ll get to find out.
As a general observation, tattos and piercings aren’t for me (he said a littel whistfully) but I imagine they are mostly healthy. We don’t have kids so it’s not something I’ve had to deal with personally. The kids I find a little creepy are the ones who become totally immersed in the 60s - tie-die lovers listening to the Beatles. It seems you’re not really rebelling if you’re living out your parents or grandparents youth.
Why? What do expect from lil ol’ moi? 
I personally can’t stand the idea of body piercing. It grosses me out. I can’t even bear to look at someone with an eyebrow-ring without getting twitchy. I don’t have any tats, either, but that’s because I could never make up my mind what to get, and the things are too damn permanent to make a wrong choice. People are spending a fortune to get tats burned off when they get older and realize the stigma attached to having such an appearance in our society. Its just not a significant enough desire for me to pursue.
As for the daugher, I think that’s really too individual a situation to make up a general rule of treatment. Does she normally do well academically? Is she a doper in goth leather and making your life hell? What is the significance in her getting straight As? - probable? - unlikely? - ridiculous?
Anything that puts piercing off as long as possible till she grows out of “highschool” phase is probably a good idea. I remember being totally floored the day after highschool ended. Everyone I knew, that I had spent so much time and energy with, and was so important to me, was gone, never to be seen or heard from again. All the things that mattered, clothes, music, recreational activities, changed overnight. It was a bit of a shock. I would guess that the longer you can put this off, the closer to being out of highschool and into a whole new phase of her life, the less likely she will want it done.
But I could be wrong …
djm