Finally a qualified candidate! 
I’m moving to California just so I can vote now! 
More bloody politics. grumbles to self
Dale, I thought you had to be a resident of a state to run for office? Are you a dual resident? Or is that just your multiple personality complex?
California done (verb) slud into irresponsibility, in which politicians refuse to acknowledge any link between government services public demands and taxes that pay for those services. Replacing Gov Gray Davis will not pay the bills.
Sorry they have to go through this but it will be an interesting experiment, like watching a laboratory rat in a maze. It will be fugly.
Where’s the verb in this sentence? 
So, Dale, will you be running Democrat or Republican? hee hee hee
If we get Dale elected we can work on recalling that other failure Bush.
Great, Dale! That’s what we need – more whistleblowers in politics! 
Darryl
truely dale, i’d rather see you become governer of alabama, i know it would not be as colorful, but you would have all the money one could ever want 
tansy
Sorry Dale, but my heart belongs to “Ah-nold”! 
Redwolf
I hope the debates focus on the needs of the whistling political interest groups!
Sounds Republican. That slogan was immortalized by Barry Goldwater.
Waldco Enterprises pledges three easy payments toward the Chiff and Fipple gubernatorial campaign.
Waldco® and Chiff & Fipple: united for a brighter tomorrow.
Waldco Enterprises is not affiliated with the Waldco foundation, and tax-deductible contributions made to said Foundation were not used for this corporate political contribution. The honorarium paid to the Chiff and Fipple Campaign by the Waldco California Monastery was purely coincidental.
Bravo Walden! I’ve been mesmerized!
Or maybe martinized… whatever!
What is martinizing anyway?
Heck, I’m considering moving to California so I can RUN !
Good corrective edit, Parcour. I think “has done slud” would have more punch, if you don’t mind me butting in…just a thought for future posts.
What I need to know before I vote is simply this:
Is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Kwela Party?
Or, is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Recorder Party and this whole website nothing but a front to cover up for your overly-holed policies? Admit it, you’ve been waiting just for this moment to reveal your true self!
It’s what happens after you’ve seen too many Steve Martin stand-up routines!
~Larry
Chiff & Fipple for Governor of California 2003.
Developing positions on the issues:
The economy:
The Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger economic times.
The environment:
California, and indeed, the world, needs a healthy and safe environment, balancing the need for “clean” with the need for “jobs” and “money.” See “The economy.”
Taxes:
Taxes are necessary to support our necessary government functions, including environmental safeguards and the economy. We want to tax Californians, and indeed all Americans, in a way that permits necessary functions in government but without having a government that is “too big” or “too small” and without requiring any citizen to pay more than his or her “fair share.”
Homosexual/Gay Rights:
There are plenty of gay people in California. More per capita, in fact, than in the rest of the US, except maybe parts of New York. By “plenty” I don’t mean to say “too many” just “lots.” Every gay person deserves to be treated as well as every straight person, while taking into account their basic “gayness,” but without overemphasizing the gayness of them. As for gay marriage–were you going to ask me about gay marriage?
Gay Marriage:
Like the the Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, gay marriage, indeed, all marriage, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger gay rights times, balancing those, of course, with straight rights.
War and the military:
We support our troops. War is hell. It is also complex. We, do, however, support our troops.
Crime:
Crime, especially the more serious crime, is a serious problem in California and America (and in some of Europe). Chiff & Fipple is opposed to crime–and the more serious the crime, the more serious Chiff & Fipple is in being opposed to it and the more strong leadership Chiff & Fipple will bring to bear on the problem of crime, which is pretty darn serious.
Campaign Finance Reform:
Man, is it ever expensive to run for Governor. Especially when you live in Alabama. WHooo! Indeed, it probably would be that much more expensive to run for President. Here’s the math:
Let x = the cost of running for Governor of California.
There are 50 states so:
The cost of running for President would be at least 50 x x, where that first x is “times” and the second x is “x”.
Health Care:
One of the worst thing that can happen to a person is to get sick, and the more serious the sickness, the more worse it is. It can sure be expensive, too, if you don’t have good health insurance. Or, worse, if you don’t have ANY health insurance. Which I do. But, anyway. For example, my youngest daughter has to have braces. We’re talking about $4400! And nevermind that this is my 3rd daughter to get braces and one of them had to get them TWICE because she didn’t wear her retainer. And, never mind that my WIFE got them a few years ago, too, even though I thought her teeth were PLENTY straight. So, we need to do something about the cost of orthodontics and other health care.
Education:
Frankly, Chiff & Fipple is going to take a rather bold stand on this issue and tell you that we think education is overrated. Take, for example, the education that leads to a person becoming an orthodontist. All of those years of schooling are expensive and that’s why they can get away with charging $4400 for braces. We need to reduce the cost of orthodontics training, make it more affordable to more people. That way there will be more orthodontists. More supply with the same demand means: Less expensive braces! (See The Economy, above).
Door bell sound effects on TV:
Chiff & Fipple is opposed to the use of “door bell sound effects” on TV. Like when you’ve got the TV on and you’re not paying that much attention to it and a door bell rings ON THE SHOW and you get out of your chair to go the door thinking someone is at YOUR door. Man! Chiff & Fipple HATES that. We don’t mind telephone sounds on TV so much because we pretty much can tell the difference between TV telephones and the one in our den.
Presidential Endorsement:
Chiff & Fipple is an independent with leanings toward the Democratic Party, except the bozos in the Democratic Party can’t pull it together so, you know, maybe we’re leaning that way and maybe not. Know what I’m saying? Anyway, we would kind of like to support this Dean guy, but, yikes-a-hooty, something about him gives us the creeps. The stiff smile, the thick neck. We’re not sure.
War on Drugs:
(Chiff & Fipple will be back in a few minutes.)
Sorry. What?
Labor Unions:
My brother is a Teamster. I’ve hung out with him and some of his Teamster friends. Let me take this opportunity to express my genuine affection for these guys in the Teamsters. Great guys. Great.
—for more Chiff & Fipple Gubernatorial Positions, email us.