Wot. Neo to chnage it, neo to sya “Trun it teh othre yaw!”
A2: One, five, one, three, four, one, four, four, one, five, one, six, five, two, five, seven…
A3 (for Doors fans only): None, Ray Manzarek can do it with his keyboard.
Bonus question 1: How do you get a whistle to sound like a French horn?
Answer: Stick your finger in the end and play a lot of wrong notes.
Bonus question 2: What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
Answer: They’re actually the same. The violin just looks smaller in comparison to the player’s swollen head.
Gary. This is true PMS or not. Anyone would get testy about it.
How many french horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he cracks three first.
How many oboe players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but she has to suck on the end of the bulb for five minutes first.
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change it, and one to tell him how Earl Scruggs did it better first.
How many harmonica players in a jam session does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he has to go through his bag trying several different sizes until he finds one that fits first.
How many pipers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if the humidity is right. And the socket is adjusted correctly. And the bulb is properly warmed up. And the ladder has been oiled recently. Otherwise he’ll have to make a new bulb by hand.
Q. How many from the Bush administration does it take to change a lighbulb?
A. Change a light bulb? Hell lets invade Iran, they got lightbulbs.
Q. How many Blairites does it take to change a lighbulb?
A. Whatever the Bush administration says.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nurse!
How many Father-in-laws does it take to change a lighbulb?
You dont want to change that yourself, you want to get a professional in and I told you those lightbulbs were no good, you should have got the other ones, if you want my opinion, next time you should . . . . 
that sounds like a MOTHER-in-law response to me, especially getting the father-in-law to do the actual changing of the bulb . . .
My attempt at a joke was based on Harry Enfield (British comedian) who had a Father-in-law character whose catchphrase was “You dont wanna do that!” Also on my own bitter experience. Soon after I was married my FIL 
came to help (ha ha ha 
) me fit a Kitchen. “You dont want to fit that sink yourself, you want to get a plumber to do that”. “You dont want a unit there you want it over here” “You shouldn’t have bought one of those cookers!” “Here let me show you how I would do it” - My wife ended up down the doctors and I sat in the corner of the room rocking back and forth, muttering to myself, for three days. Aaaaaaarrrghhhhh.
Q: How many purple-haired space-women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They never have an original idea.
How many IKEA shop assistans does it take to change a light bulb?
“Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to arrive early next month. We do have tea lights though!”