ARE YOU IN THE WORST BAND IN THE WORLD?
Take this simple multiple-choice quiz and save yourself some embarrassment!
1 How long is your drummer’s solo?
a) He doesn’t get one.
b) A couple minutes is all, and it’s very funky.
c) Which of our drummers are you talking about?
2 What is the secret of your success?
a) Inspiration.
b) Perspiration.
c) Butchering old soul classics in a manner beloved by middle-aged housewives and the mentally unwell.
3 How many times has your band’s lineup changed?
a) Never happened, dude. If anyone left, it just wouldn’t be the same.
b) A few. It’s so hard to find a good accordionist.
c) 1,179.
4 The name of your band is…
a) A favorite phrase from a William S. Burroughs novel.
b) An action verb, followed by an even number.
c) Indistinguishable from that of an accounting firm.
5 What is your favorite subject matter for lyrics?
a) The pain of loving.
b) The joy of drinking.
c) Dragons. Or dungeons. But mostly dragons.
IF YOU ANSWERED…
Mostly a): Congratulations! You’re in a good band.
Mostly b): Commiserations! You’re in a not-very-good band.
Mostly c): What’s that sucking sound? Oh, it’s you.
Thanks Dale. You saved my bacon. Quick–let me go tell my fellow members of Shlurporthian’s Bane that we’ve gotta drop our Ghostbuster/Wipeout medley from the playlist.
speaking of obstructive pulmonary disease, when my dad was taking his EMT class he brought home a cassette labelled “Lung Sounds”. For the longest time I thought it was the name of a band. I still think it’s kinda a cool name for one.
Three techniques all guitarists in sucky bands should know.
When you make a mistake during your guitar solo, you can:
a). Do it again so it sounds like you meant to do it.
b). Get down on your kness and plead with the audience (if there is any) for forgiveness.
c). Go stand next to the bass player and give them a really dirty look.
I play this game called Guitar Hero…your controller looks like a guitar, and you rock out in rhythm to real music.
In Guitar Hero II, one of the songs is from Spinal Tap, and if you get 5 stars on it, your drummer explodes. No joke
Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_IK1tlTcUU
Though this is some guy’s video blog (this episode is mostly about buying and talking about Guitar Hero), if you jump to the end, it’s got a clip of your drummer exploding..lol
Maybe the next time my band, Edwards, Montavo, and O’Neal (or EMO for short) performs When a Man Loves a Dragon, we’ll have our alternate drummer (the fifth one we’ve hired so far this year) just go absolutely crazy on the solo.
I remember there was another band mentioned in connection with Spinal Tap by the name of Meconium, which I thought was a particularly good name for a band.
