Wee Wisdoms for the Day

Poststructural Pub
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[Note: These are not original to me. I received them via one of those dreaded chain emails.]

Wee Wisdoms for the Day:

  1. If you should die, I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear all of your computer history .

  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument, when you realize you’re wrong .

  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to take a nap when I was younger.

  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

  5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on about #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least a little bit tired.

  10. Bad decisions usually make good stories.

  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you are at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything else productive for the rest of the day.

  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

  14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means, I will never wash this – ever.

  15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d they do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

  16. I hate leaving my house feeling confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone important for the entire day. What a waste.

  17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my cell phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

  18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

  19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

  20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lite than Kay.

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21: Measure once, cut twice - cutting is far more fun then measuring*


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  • this is also why i will never make flutes.
3

That’s just plain gross! I’d rather kiss a used ashtray!

4

I relate to so many of those. This is the one that made me lol though, it struck so close. (Despite the fact that 4 was 13 years ago. We don’t seem to have advanced very far.)

The difference is, I’m used to these and usually have a response.

5

A used ashtray has more flavor.

It’s a Ninja - like a passing breeze - you wouldn’t know you ran one over. You may have already done so and not known.

6

now a clean ashtray is real close in flavor

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  1. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you are at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything else productive for the rest of the day.

I decided to come home today. I may have the flu. I don’t know yet.

8

Works for me,

Slan,
D. :laughing:

9

My answer to #5:

Approximately.

10

I would say you fold fitted sheets much the same way you fold beaten egg whites into the cake batter.

11

I had to think about that one. But you know, by golly, that’s not far from the mark at all.

12

I assume that I run over them all the time, they are just that stealthy.

13

Reminds me of the old joke about how Coors beer is like making love in a rowboat…

14

A hiking buddy of mine came up with this equation: Adventure = Energy * Bad Judgement

15

Actually Bud Lite has some good memories for me. Can’t stand the taste but the smell reminds me of numerous litters of baby skunks we raised, cute little guys they were.

16

Oh yes, the lovely scent of light-struck lupulin.