Watching As The World Turns With My Wife and Daughters
I decide to condense the plot
of all soap operas:
Margo, who is unaware
of which of two men
is the father of her child,
decides to have plastic surgery
to cure her amnesia.
–Dale Wisely
That’s it? We have to wait until next week to find out if the surgery is a success? And if Margo will remember? 
I bet it turns out to be the creepiest of the two blokes, and not the nice one. It’s always the creepiest one, the one with the shady past, the criminal record, the ex-wives, the gambling problem, the country-club membership and the Mercedes convertible… the one with the name like Dirk, or Brad, or Rick, or Chunk, or Slab. It’s never clean-cut, clean-shaven, reliable, middle-income Robert. NosirreeBob. 
One of my first childhood memories, in 1956 or so, is of my mother watching As the World Turns on the TV. She still watches it at age 78. She claims that she listened to it on the radio before TV.
Mike
My mother reports having been an avid listener of a radio soap opera in the early '40’s, during one episode of which, the mother put the baby on the screen porch for some fresh air. The baby was not mentioned again for several months.
Best wishes,
Jerry
My grandmother used to watch As the World Turns every day. I used to like watching the little world go around. All in brilliant Black and White.
My grandmother was a fan of “The Edge of Night”.
I can still hear the theme music in my mind. It’s hard to tell now if the music sounds haunting, depressing, or just sappy. A bit of all three.
I think we should do a C&F soap opera. Each post is a new episode, adding to the previous post/episode.
Bloomfield, having discovered that Walden is, in reality, Davy Spillane, confronts Emmline with the news.
Emmline is aghast, having just realized she’s been bilked out of thousands of dollars for a “prototype” Davy Spillane whistle by ChuckClark who claimed he was DS.
Meanwhile, BroSteve attends Willie Week with Azalin where they come across MurphyStout drunk in the street on a cheap Irish Pepsi knock-off. When they attempt to steer him out of the street and back into the pub, the three of them are suddenly overcome by the noxious fumes from Jerry Freeman’s workshop where he is attempting to mold a whistle out of melted-down Ken dolls. They fall together in a heap.
Stay tuned…
(Oh, p.s., if Lorenzo doesn’t stop making trouble on the political thread, he’s going to be written out of the script…you know, a sudden case of jungle fever or something)
Susan, this is most upsetting.
The melted-down Ken doll whistles are still under development, and I’ve sworn everyone involved to strict secrecy. If my archnemesis Cillian O’Briain should happen upon this information (which he well might; he follows the soap operas religiously, as we all know), he may bring a melted-down doll whistle to market first, in which case, all my hard work and investment will come to naught.
For you to have revealed the project prematurely is a serious breach of trust. I’m afraid I will have to refer this matter to my attorneys. My people will most definitely be talking to your people. Ominous sounding organ music
Stay tuned …
Best wishes,
Jerry
Ken is gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
Dale
..and if we’re going to have a C&F soap opera, I want to the evil genius. With amnesia.
Dale
Oh DEAR…(organ music louder here)…what will Barbie do??? They are no longer making Ken Dolls…and Jerry is melting down all the remainder??? Who will she marry? Who will she ride with in her Malibo Barbie car? Who will she cook for in her townhouse? Ken’s evil twin brother??? I heard she may even be “in a family way”…and no Ken to support her!!! (organ music…while fade to black!)
I have to admit…I was hooked at a young and tender age of 11 by my great grandmother…spending the summer with her…watching General Hospital. I am still watching it…SoapNet is a wonderful thing! (Oh yeah…i’m going to be 51 this year…YIPES!!) My great grandmother spent the summer teaching me who Steve and Audrey were…why they couldn’t be together…and who will Audrey marry? The evil Baldwin brother???
I feel sooo old!!!
Nancy
As producer of “As the Fipple Drips,” I think I have immunity from lawsuits, Jerry.
On with the tale, then…
Dale, the twisted evil genius, having forgotten that he’s evil, empties the checking account of some woman who claims to be his wife, and spends the entire amount on Miracle Water, hoping to be cured of his amnesia. When it arrives, however, he forgets why he’s receiving a Mason jar of water in the mail and uses it to water his camellias.
Well…what do I do?
Did I say there would be a lawsuit?
I only said I would be consulting my attorneys. Your high powered legal team at the highly secured, high tech, luxurious, exclusive Executive Tower of C&F Worldwide Productions can’t protect you.
No matter what you and your self-important, pseudo-sophisticated with your sports cars and your designer clothes and your gold watches and diamond tennis bracelets, filthy rich Internet soap opera friends think, we have ways to get you to cooperate.
If you think legal means are the only ones at our disposal, I would suggest you think again. If you don’t cease and desist from your illegal, unethical, immoral profiteering on my inventions, I just might have to reveal the PHOTOGRAPHS. Ominous sounding organ music
Stay tuned …
Best wishes,
Jerry
Can I be the lovechild of amnesiac evil genius Dale? Can I, can I, can I? Of course, AEGD does not remember his love child, Ramón, or Ramón’s mother, the sultry Mexican temptress, Gretchen. Gretchen plays a continuing role in the Mexican soap opera Bajo la Misma Piel where she portrays a gringa obsessed with a tinwhistle baron who lives somewhere en el norte. She longs for those nights when they whistled in the rain at his cabin in the woods…
Mike
Soap Operas are the root of all evil.
After money, of course. Which is the singular reason for soap operas in the first place, so in fact they ARE the root of all evil!!!
Soap operas have their own space-time continuim. Where else can a woman be pregnant for three years, then in the next six weeks her baby will grow up, become a doctor, and botch the operation on his mother’s current boyfriend, who may or may not be his father?
I can’t quite get past the vision of the gay Ken dolls being melted down and made into pennywhistles.
(Looking dubiously at the fipple on the Faedog that lives in my desk…)
:roll:
Will there be advertisments?
Slan,
D.
:roll:
will there be advertisements???
WILL THERE BE ADVERTISEMENTS???
Well!
As a loyal employee of the company that produced the FIRST “soap opera” (to sell “soap” of course, hence the name) there dang well better be advertisements!
Trivia time:
1933 - “Ma Perkins” a radio serival program sponsored by Procter and Gamble’s Oxydol (which we don’t own anymore) airs nationally. It’s popularity leads P&G brands to sponsor numerous new “soap operas.” Faithful listeners become loyal buyers of P&G brands at the grocery.
Missy