I never thought I’d ever have to ask for this (but I never thought this would happen to someone close to me either)…
Yesterday afternoon I recieved word that a very dear friend of mine had comitted suicide early that morning.
I knew he was going through a rough patch, and I tried so hard to be there for him whenever he needed an ear to chew and a beer to cry in (a little bit of background: his fiancee had been two-timing him for about a month, and he found out about it about two weeks ago).
I just don’t know what more I could have done. I loved him like my own brother, and he was as good and kind a man as any who’ve walked this earth. He’d walk with you two miles if you asked him to go one, and he’d give you the shoes off his feet right after he gave you the shirt off his back.
He was a good, moral and upright man who never missed an opportunity to perform service to his fellow beings.
He was one of the few real Jazz junkies in my agegroup around here, and one of the ones could understand my deeply rooted interest in it.
He was my brother and my friend, and now he’s gone, by his own hand.
I’ve had friends die before, but never in this manner, and I’m finding it very hard to deal with the pain and the anger I’m feeling.
Anger at him for leaving, anger at myself for being so close and not seeing he was in trouble and not doing more to prevent this tragedy, anger at the situation and people that may have drivin him to do what he did.
Whatever good vibes/thoughts/prayers/spells you can send for myself and for his family would be most appreciated.
I’ll post an obit once we put one together.
I can definitely empathize; about ten years ago i had a very close friend of many years who committed suicide. I know i was one of the few people he felt he could confide in, yet he never let on and i blamed myself for not being attentive enough to realize how much help he needed. Even today it’s uncomfortable to think about, but tincture of time has helped and ultimately i think that there is only so much anyone – even the closest of friends – can do if the suicidal person doesn’t reach out.
May God bless you, you family and friends and give you comfort and healing.
Tyler, I am sorry that this tragedy has happened to your friend and likewise to you. Your C & F friends will be holding you in our thoughts. In as much as it is possible, may all those concerned with your friend’s passing be comforted.
Tyler, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I’ve been there myself, I suppose a lot of us have, and I was so tormented by the anger and the what ifs that I wrote a song about it. The occasion of that was when the son of one of my best friends suicided under very similar circmstances.
It’ll take time to get clear, and that’s probably as it should be, but I think the kind of attentiveness that might have made a difference is usually so far outside ordinary social expectations that you couldn’t live your life watching out for the signs—just wouldn’t be possible. But somehow knowing that is no consolation, nothing is.
Let’s see: you’ve got all these fast cars you’re working on, you’ve got a body shop to take out any large dents in the fenders, you know where she lives … What’s the problem?
I know it’s hard, but try not to blame yourself…
I was in a depression support group for a while and heard my
friends talk about-- when they were suicidal-- it was like being
locked in a prison in their own minds, and nothing anyone said
could reach them there.
