I was in Borders the other day and spotted an “Irish-English/English-Irish Dictionary and Phrasebook.” Because I am a book addict (Hi, I’m Audrey and I’m a compulsive over-reader), I just had to buy it. As a dictionary, it’s fairly useless…it only has about 1400 words, and doesn’t indicate such basic concepts as gender, conjugation/declension or derivation. The phrasebook part, however, has proved to be a fun read…especially as the author’s idea of what constitutes essential phrases for travelers is – well – interesting. For example, he includes five “levels” of drunkeness, corresponding (more or less) to “drunk,” “very drunk,” “quite drunk” “blind drunk” and “tipsy.” And for those who are really into partying, he includes a phrase that he translates as “to go on a spree of revelry and debauchery” (I’m beginning to think this guy might be fun to travel with!). To his credit, he also includes the word for “sobriety” (which one might want after all that drinking!). More on topic, he includes a wide variety of phrases one might want to use at a session, including “play a jig,” “it’s a hornpipe,” and my favorite (and one that I’m sure every traveler needs to know) “those pipes are out of tune.” Strangely, he doesn’t include a phrase for “kill the bodhran player,” “that whistle sounds like someone’s strangling a banshee,” or “it’s not a friggin recorder, stupid!” but he does tell you how to say “the music was terrible!” (most likely because the musicians were trying to play while blind drunk after a spree of revelry and debauchery 
).
I don’t think the author set out to be amusing, but I’ve been laughing myself silly trying to think of when, in any language, I’d find myself in need of some of those phrases while traveling. On the other hand, if I ever need to invite someone to a wild party with awful music, I guess I’m all set! 
Redwolf
