My mom passed away in Elk City, OK on October 15. She had been suffering from dementia and a host of other illnesses for about 6 years. I’ve spent the last two weeks in Oklahoma and Texas for the funeral and other arrangements.
Before she became too ill to talk on the phone, for many years I would call her every weekend at least and talk for an hour or two. When the calls stopped, I really felt the beginning of the loss of my mother. The last few years have been very difficult, always wondering what downturn in her health might be around the corner. Blessedly, she has been released from her suffering.
Even with the sad event that precipitated my visit, it was wonderful to see and spend so much time with my extended family. There is a way of life in western Oklahoma that is difficult to find anywhere else, and they are salt of the earth. It is truly a gift to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. In addition to family, my mother had many steadfast friends as well, which speaks to her honest and loving spirit.
My heart goes out to you Robin.. My own Dad’s passing shared some of what you’ve described and seeing a person go that route is a tremendously difficult thing. Always remember the good, and the person that was your Mom for most of her life. I didn’t know her, but I know she raised a really nice daughter, so she must have been a good one…
My sympathies and condolences on your loss–I know it hurts now, but it gets easier as a little time goes by. I still have my mom, but my dad is two years gone now and I still miss him. You always miss them, but after a while the hurt becomes just an ache and then the ache gives way to memories.
I know how tough it is to give them up, even when it becomes a release for them, it’s still hard. My Dad’s been gone 4 yrs and sometimes it still doesn’t seem real.
The above quote brought to mind this-
My uncle’s kids are giving him a suprise 80th birthday party. They anticipated maybe 50 people- to date it’s up to about 150, with folks coming all the way across the country for this. I thought at the time, how nice to have such a get-together while they are alive and can enjoy it.
Yeah, Cowtime, my cousin was telling me at the memorial service that we need to have a family reunion without the funeral. I told him to start making the arrangements, I’ll be there.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, everyone. My dad died 11 years ago, at a time when he wasn’t “supposed” to die, and it was horrible for all of us. It was a year before I felt like myself again. Somehow it seems easier this time, I guess because I knew she didn’t want to live that way. It feels like I’ve been grieving for her since she became ill and maybe now I can start to move beyond that.
Funerals are the ultimate family reunion, as they bring so many more out, that you actually know, than regular family reunions, and not from just one side of the family.
Robin, my condolences to you and the rest of your family. This must be a difficult time for all of you, so I’m sure being able to be together was indeed a blessing in disguise.
I dont know you, but as they say in my home town.. sorry for your troubles!
Its a hard time for you and you will come through it!
Sometimes these situations can be hard for friends/acquaintances of a colleague etc who has just experienced a loss. Some people feel that they cant look the person in the face or cant come up with the right words.
Life is a learning process and death is a large part of that!
