As mother of 3 daughters, and former little girl myself, I am shocked…(SHOCKED I tell you!) by the following breaking news…
Study: Meanness in Girls Can Start at 3
By Associated Press
Fri May 6, 8:33 PM
SALT LAKE CITY - Meanness in girls can start when they still are toddlers, a Brigham Young University study found. It found that girls as young as 3 or 4 will use manipulation and peer pressure to get what they want.
“It could range from leaving someone out to telling their friends not to play with someone to saying, ‘I’m not going to invite you to my birthday party,’” said Craig Hart, study co-author and professor of marriage, family and human development at BYU. “Some kids are really adept at being mean and nasty.”
They regularly exclude others and threaten to withdraw friendship when they don’t get their way.
back in the late '70’s, my dad was a custodian at the local middle school (grades fifth - eighth). He always said the graffitti in the girl’s restroom was MUCH more crude and nasty than what was in the boy’s.
Absolutely - and I’m so glad they’ve been studying this phenomenon. I’ve wondered and wondered about it. I hope more research will be conducted so we here in SLC–Mean Girl Capitol of the World–will know how to deal with this aberrant behavior.
Actually, my daughter and I were reminiscing just a week ago about the cruel things other girls did and said to her when she was little–they truly can be hateful. I don’t know that anybody needed to waste their time and money finding out just how young it might start…
Girls have always been manipulative and passive/aggressive. They’re not allowed to just duke it out and get it over with like boys, so they have to resort to less obvious means. I remember the other girls playing these stupid games in elementary school quite clearly. I never much got along with them because of it, as I’ve always been repulsed by silly head games.
I wish I could say that it is only in Salt Lake City, but I have a bone fide one that lives right across the street. She’s one of the meanest little girls I’ve ever met, and unfortunately the person she is meanest to is my 10 year old
This is absolutely not news to me. I’ve seen this in lots of preschool girls. Although I disagree with Sam–the boys aren’t allowed to duke it out, either, but they are not as manipulative as the girls. I think it’s just the nature of the beast, and like a lot of preschool behavior, is a combination of testing the limits and acting on natural impulses. The adults’ role is to teach acceptable behavior and redirect the energy into a positive expression. Unfortunately, a lot of adults don’t do that with girls and let them get away with it, when they would never let their boys beat up on somebody.
Well, it can be a more subtle behavior for a teacher, particularly in a large classroom, to detect or feel an urgent need to act on.
Sorry about your little mean neighbor Izzy. I’ve seen my girls get dumped on too–and while I think mine are generally nice, I must confess I can’t possibly know about every social behavior they’ve exhibited themselves. I can remember, and to this day feel regretful, about a few blunders, deliberate and not, of my own.
Well, I lived in Salt Lake City when I was little and us girls could be pretty darn mean to each other, although it didn’t happen too often. I too remember some things I did that I certainly wish I had not.
But, having been belted good and hard by one boy and having to walk to and from school making sure I did not encounter the fire cracker thrower, or Danny Platt’s gang, or Ricky Loveland’s gang, or Junior, who often dragged a large tree branch behind him, I can say I definitely preferred the meanness of girls to the physical violence of boys.
Funny, I don’t remember the girls being especially mean or the boys violent where I grew up. I’m sure there was meanness, and serious fights happened, but most apparent fights were no more than a bit of brief rough and tumble. Boys got hurt more falling over on asphalt or gravel than in fights.
The area was partly middle class and partly working class but there was no social division based on income. There were no street gangs.
Violence amongst boys was constrained by certain unwritten rules. Playing football, most boys stayed within a certain code that precluded really rough play and protected the smaller and younger boys from dangerous tackling. There were also rules about honesty; flagrantly dishonest kids soon found themselves without playmates. There was a boy like that in our street. We gave him numerous chances but he continually caused trouble and then went crying to mom blaming the intended victim. Weird. He didn’t appear to be having much fun being left out of things but letting him take part spoiled it for everyone else.
Playing football, there were two sets of brothers who were particularly rough. Neither were very good and both pairs were allowed to play but I think a lot of us wondered if they knew the rules and ignored them or just didn’t know. Three of those boys I’ve since heard little or nothing of but the fourth went on to be CEO of one of Australia’s biggest retail chains. He’s now been relieved of his position because of certain … cough … irregularities in the books.
(note – this is from the article emmline quoted, not what she said)
Yep, sounds like familiar stuff. My seven year old daughter has been the brunt of this on lots of occasions, and I’ve been telling her that little girls have been doing this for years and years (gotta put it in 7 year old language).
