And it is really pissing me off, frankly. I have no idea what he wants, and I am tired of hearing about it all evening, every evening.
He’s a sweet cat in every other regard*, but if I can’t meet his needs, I’m starting to reconsider my traditionally strong commitment to pets. I thought the other day “I feel like we’re trapped in a bad marriage”, and then realized that I am more committed to animals than I am girlfriends.
*Although his coming back to bed this morning with cling-ons was a drag.
He probably just likes to talk. Does he have any siamese in his lineage? Not that this is necessary, other cats talk too much also. Also, it’s not uncommon for cats to simply enjoy lodging vocal complaints for no particular reason.
Stick with dogs. Cats are good outside pets for killing mice and stuff though. 
But there is just something with men and cats. It is a different relationship though with women and cats. It is strange how that works. Dont get me wrong, cats are alright and everything, but there is nothing like man’s best friend. No offense to all you cat people out there.
I had a black cat that could say my name. Now that was creepy. It was the best cat I ever had though. For some odd reason, it like to leave headless rabbits on my doorstep.
No Siamese. The part I dislike is that if I tune him out, he’ll go and shred upholstery. It’s not good attention, but it is reliable…
I tried to outlast him until I saw how much damage he’d already done.
The part I dislike is that if I tune him out, he’ll go and shred upholstery. It’s not good attention, but it is reliable…
If you tuned me out, I’d be inclined to shred your upholstery, too.
You are describing a frustrated cat. Of course he wants something! He wants interaction with YOU.
He’s been alone all day! You’re his only source of companionship. I’ll bet he stops the pestering when you go to bed, because he’s getting what he wants then . . . a chance to snuggle with you.
Here’s something to think about. Cats are nocturnal, so when your cat snuggles up to you at night, he’s staying with you because he wants to be near you. He has other choices, like looking out windows, hunting in the closet or basement, and all sorts of other things. But, he chooses to stay with you while you sleep. To him, that may be the only time he can get the nearness and companionship he needs.
What did you do with your dog when you came home? Go for a walk? Play with a frisbee? Pet and brush him? Or did you just put down some food and ignore him?
I’ve never had a cat that did not enjoy being played with, hugged, cuddled, and carried about. If I went to my desk to work, I’d make a place for the cat to snuggle where it could watch me. If I sat in a chair to read, the kitty was welcome to curl up on my lap.
Cat voices can sound whining and irritating if you think they are only being a pest. If you interpret the sound as an invitation to interaction, it might sound less aggravating. If you give the cat the interaction he needs, maybe he’ll stop needing to keep asking you for it.
Uh oh. Here’s what I do about that:
This one is 2 2x4s screwed securely to the corner, to which I’ve attached a piece of sisal (obtained from Petsmart or somesuch, in the scratching post department.)
This one shows 2 sisal mats, also obtained at Petsmart. Most importantly, one is secured to the corner of the upholstered sofa–the most enticing place for claw-sinking. The key here is that your cat a)loves scratching and b)knows that it gets your attention, thus loves it even more.
Putting up surfaces that are even more pleasing to claws than upholstery is the trick. He will still check to make sure you’re looking as he claws it. Make sure you say something to him, to acknowledge. I do not find that there are very many pre-made upright scratching posts that work as well as attaching an excellent scratching surface to something that is already prominent and sturdy. Maybe people have luck with VERY large ones, but most are too wobbly. Also, he will want his scratching places to be near where you’re likely to be hanging out.
Emm, you’re right on target with those suggestions!
I think it’s very true that cats want you to see them clawing. There is a brief and completely functional claw-sharpening rite which doesn’t require human observation, but for the really satisfying shred, an audience is essential!
Nothing beats upholstery, unless it’s choice wooden wainscoting. Mmmm!
Thanks for the suggestions. He actually has a scratching post, a repurposed ikea unholstered bench, now legless and fixed vertically to a wall. That’s where he scratches. The armchair outside my office is only for lobbying.
I’ll try and find another game he’s interested in playing. I’m working at home at the moment, so I’m home all day and we do cuddle, chin & ear scratch, brush, and play as much as laserpointer as he’s interested in, which is less than it used to be. If I had other cat-acceptable activities, I’d do them, too.
Excuse me. Cats are Crepuscular.
a nice tortie Emm. My eyes also glow like that lately.
What kind of toys are you providing? One of my cats has a passion for toys with crinkle sounds when squished. He carries them all over the house. My other is more active and likes things like cat dancer, live mice, roaches, and crickets. They do have each other so we start out evenings with repeated chases up and down the stairs involving spitting, growling, and other angry sounding vocalizations. After we have fallen asleep they try to sit on my face and smother me. They both enjoy chasing crumpled up balls of paper. I have to crate the dogs when I do this as everybody likes to chase crumpled up balls of paper. It has been a long time since we were a one cat family, which maybe another option to consider. We have at various times made a variety of cat play habitats mostly using concrete sonotubes, free carpet remnants, and Voyageur Mondo Bond contact cement. The current one is rather extensive which I copied shamelessly from a pet store model.
I hope you don’t also require specially-purchased poultry-free food to prevent you from licking yourself hairless from skin allergies.
Bunny-in-a-can is her favorite.
Having shared life with a number of cats and dogs I have to agree with Kinky Friedman,
“People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.”
Have patience, S1m0n. Although cats know they are the superior species they do consider us trainable. 
(Full text and context for the Friedman quote at http://www.utopiarescue.com/epilogue.htm . It won’t take you long to read but it’s likely to stick with you a while.)
I’d have to say that they both equally fill and break my heart, just in different ways and neither is better than the other.
I don’t think you’re a bitter disappointment to your cat, s1m0n; I think he’s testing waters. Cats have a greed/gluttony streak, some more than others. Here’s something: if your cat understands “No”, then maybe we have a start.
The worst thing for a pet cat to bear is to be ignored (yeah, yeah, I know what all youse say about chilly feline independence and aloofness, but trust me on this one). There are times when my cat will put extra demands upon my attention, such as mutiple serial trips to the bathroom sink for a drinkies, or another trip outdoors that she really probably doesn’t care all that much about. Of course, I can’t be there for that all day, and besides, to indulge every whim would be a recipe for codependency and neurotic behavior on the cat’s part. Musn’t do that. What to do, then? Sometimes I just look at her and say, “No.” Usually I follow up with some explanation-as-to-why-not chatter as if she’ll understand, and of course she doesn’t necessarily understand the words, but she understands my tone, is getting attention, and gentle talk is soothing to her as long as I treat her like a “person” and not an object.
So while she doesn’t get what she wants, I’m still engaging her and she’s not being ignored. Usually she’ll go with that. Sometimes she’ll pout a bit or vocalise a parting complaint, but she also respects boundaries; after all, I’m supposed to respect hers, right? Two-way street, that. Sometimes she gets a burr under her saddle and I have to issue multiple “Nos”. But at least I’m not ignoring her, which is key.
This isn’t a magic bullet. It may take some habituation on your cat’s part to remember that your boundaries are valid, too. All you need to do is be firm, as any mother cat would do. Just don’t shut him off, either there or away in another room. Okay, well, a dangerously wacko-crazy cat that will attack strangers is another thing, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Just another thing about cats and getting attention: sometimes she’ll walk into the room to hang out while I’m typing away, but all behind my back, sort of; instead of sticking hardnosed to my project I make a point of acknowledging her presence in some little way, even just a “hello”, and she’s good to go. I think that little acknowledgements like that are important for the emotional health of pet cats.
Well stated.
Still, I will contribute this:
Ask a dog and a cat which is superior.
The cat will walk away, dismissing you as an idiot.
The dog won’t understand the question, but will hope the tail-wagging is sufficient answer.
This beautiful fellow, Monty, is our latest cat. I took the pic after he’d been living with us for less than five minutes! In 33 years we were never without at least one cat until our last one died last June. We thought we’d never get over good ol’ Toots, then this chap came along about eight weeks ago. He’s the first cat we’ve ever had that was already adult (he’s about two). He was a rather neglected stray who, when rescued a few months ago, had lost a toe, broken a tooth and got himself infested with ear mites (all fixed now!). He’d been running around un-neutered too but his rescuer, a cat addict, had that fixed. He’s very nervous with everyone except us two, whom he loves to bits, but we’re working on that. We make him stay in the room when anyone visits. He’s settled in very well, his only negative trait to begin with being a tendency to lash out with claws drawn. Every time a cat misbehaves you have to show him who’s boss straight away (no point waiting a minute or two - he’ll forget what he was supposed to have done) and the best way we’ve found of doing that is to scruff him - hold him down firmly by the scruff and speak firmly to him with the word “no” to the fore. Gotta be consistent, just like with kids! Anyway, we’re both smitten!
Most dogs are too polite to point out the cat’s opinion is correct.