From last night at Bai Plu in Long Beach, a combination Thai restaurant and sushi bar and one of our après-session haunts:
A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.
Which I interpret to mean that someone is going to throw an egg at me.
No wonder I’m grumpy.
Years ago I got this one:
“A girlfriend is a bottle of wine. A wife is a wine bottle.”
If I could figure out what the hell it means, I’m sure I’d live my life by that adage.
The two best I ever got:
One was all very mystical and said, “Look afar and see the end from the beginning.” Right, Master Po. You might lay off the baijiu some.
The other was utterly blank. Now how much more drop-dead Zen can you get than that?
Oh, wait: three. Then there was the time I got one that said, “You would make a good lawyer.” I complained to the proprietress about the insult, but she just couldn’t get it for the joke it was supposed to be. I’ll never do that again.
As a veteran of augury and propheteering I interpret this oracle to mean that while navigating a forkful of omelette to your mouth, it will instead fall onto your lap, and that will be the dog’s opportunity. Needless to say, the moment will be quite awkward.
I got one a while ago that read “You will have a very bright future.” So as of now, my future is not bright, but at some indeterminate point in the future, I can look forward to a bright future.
If you think about it, “You will have a very bright future” sounds like a variant on “Free beer tomorrow”.
I got one that read “Avoid pimply-face salespeople for now.” I know this sounds like the kind of thing I’d make up, but it’s true. What I love most about that message is “…for now.”
For a long time, I carried a favorite in my wallet:
“Laugh alla time, people think you crazy”
That’s a thing of beauty.
A couple years ago, I got one that said “Find another fortune cookie.” 
Another one of mine, from long ago:
He is kissing a fond remembrance of you.
Now and then I wonder who he is, how his gaydar could be so very wrong, and what happened to all my missing guitar picks.
Everytime I get a new telephone at work, I tape my most recent meaningful fortune to the phone. One of my favorites is “Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.”
One of my favorites was “Your business will assume vast proportions”.
I’m still patiently waiting…
I refused to leave a tip once when the fortune I received was “You will live in interesting times”. Not so far from the curse “May you live in interesting times”.
Never worked in service, have you.
Amy and Samy say: No tips for you!!
I got one that said “You will soon cross the great river”. In many cultures crossing the great river is what happens in the afterlife, so I found that rather disconcerting. One of my friends got one that said “tastes like chicken” that he keeps in his wallet now. Many of my friends like to add “in bed” to the end of their fortunes. I always seem to get fortunes about how I will soon get accolades for good work when we play that game.
Seems to me that you might have gotten an actual Chinese, or Chinese-informed, writer on that one: “crossing the great water/stream/river (depending on translations)” is a recurring image in the I Ching used to suggest major undertakings attended by risk, so in China it’s been a pretty familiar theme in such terms since antiquity and would be well-known even today for that, rather than instead as the metaphor for death not uncommon elsewhere. When the phrase appears in the I Ching one is usually informed that the times are such that one either may, or otherwise should not, attempt to “cross the great water” - such things are always advice and left to choice - so for as traditionally literary a reference as it might seem, the statement in your fortune that one “will” do so is a definite departure from the norm in the aforementioned classic. But then, it’s a fortune cookie.
So ease your misgivings, and rest assured that odds are certainly not in favor of a prediction of your demise (that would be in supreme bad taste and unthinkable), but rather that whether you meant to or not, you would soon undertake an enterprise that will involve effort and/or risk, after which great results (may) await you.
I just think it is funny that what I have come to associate with Chinese food, the oyster pail, is primarily a US custom. I am sure everything else is authentic though.
Not the fortune cookie; what’s the saying? Invented by the Japanese, popularised by the Chinese, and consumed primarily by Americans. You won’t see 'em in China, though.