I am without doubt one of the most important people ever to have posted to this board. My name will go down in the political history of the late 20th century. Unfortunately, I myself have gone down in another sense quite recently. And I don’t mean the vulgar American sense. I know all about American slang: I make good use of it my books, doggone it.
Yes, books. Author? Why, I am a real author. I have sold more books than Paddy Keenan has played notes. I have rubbed shoulders with the great political figures of Europe. I have been a trusted intimate of Mrs. Thatcher, and in fact at this very moment I am a guest of Her Majesty the Queen, in one of her London establishments.
For the moment let me say that, like your Mr. Clinton, with whom I share an amazing talent for bouncing back from adversity (it’s being put to the test just now), the nature of my relationship with a woman named Monica has been the subject of an enduring and may I say unhealthy and salacious interest to the press and public. Of course, I don’t need to tell you that I did not have s** with that woman! I have ever been faithful to my fragrant wife.
I shall reveal all in due course. I just thought that you lesser whistlers might be interested to know of the presence of a truly Great Man among you.
I know who you are. Despite all those terrible books you’ve written (okay that’s unfair, I never actually read any of them), I feel a little sorry for you right now, after all, you did only tell a few porkies to try and protect the innocent, didn’t you? At least you have more pleasant accommodation now. The first couple of weeks are probably the hardest. Keep a stiff upper lip and see you in about four years.
Mick
PS Your identity will not be revealed by me. Keep on whistling - oh yes, are you allowed to keep a whistle in your “room”, or does Her Majesty’s pleasure not stretch that far? How long have you been playing? (The whistle of course!).
Hey Frank, for someone who chose DrGiggles for a handle, you’re a pretty serious guy! Should I have written “spoof! spoof!” all over my post?
Cinead, you started all this nonsense! I was just carrying on where you left off. I thought that of all members, you might have realized who the joke was aimed at. Ah well.
And yes, Raymond, it is a whistle forum. That is exactly the point I wanted to make.
Why do we get the politicians we do (including “me”)? Because the public take self-important people at face value. I was amazed that almost everyone seemed to take the previous “identity” post seriously, and even more amazed that you guys took mine at face value.
Good man, Mick, you rumbled “me”, though. I had wondered if I should ban UK residents from entering the contest.
BTW the rest of you can discover “my” identity in 0.23 seconds with a Google search on “author fragrant Monica”.
Good Lord, Archie, is it really you? Ah, you scoundrel, you got what you deserved you libelous…
I personally didn’t take Cinead’s thread serious at all. In fact I really didn’t follow it too closely, because I was morally indigant about the fragrant misuse of precious C & F message board resources.
OK so I’m not good at figuring out these little riddles but I enjoyed them anyway. Nothing wrong with a little fun. If you don’t like the thread just skip it.
Okay, Okay, it’s time that the truth come out. I am actually the love child of Amelia Erhardt and Jimmy Hoffa. As a young child I was stolen by a renegade clan of nomadic cowboys, which is how I originally came to be in Wyoming. As I wandered the world searching for the truth about my roots (during which time I invented the polio vaccine, made a killing in soap futures, had lunch on a regular basis with the Sultan of Brunei–he’s really a hoot to be around–and got in on the ground floor of Gutenburg’s printing business, which is why I’m a trillionaire today: I get a small royalty every time printed material is sold), I aquired the remarkable wisdom, rapier wit, phenominal musical prowess, and world-class abilities as a competitive lumberjack for which I am universally known today.
So, that’s the real story about me. Oh, but I almost forgot to mention that I was actually raised by badgers. There. So, I guess that’s about it. Nothing all that interesting, really.
Well, I’d better get back to this AIDS cure I’m working on…
