We all love you for being gay. 
Lessons I’ve learned:
Everything happens for a reason. We don’t always discover the reasoning right away, and some reasons we aren’t meant to see. But even in the most tragic circumstances, blessings can be discovered, all the same.
Never say “Never”.
If you have the time to say “I’ll do it later”, go ahead and do it now while you are thinking about it. Else you might remember too late.
Don’t be afraid of change. Remain open to new possibilites.
It is better to stand and face fear once and for all, than to try to spend the rest of your life running and/or hiding from it.
I agree with all of those.
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Everything matters.
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Not everything can be dealt with effectively.
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I don’t really know what’s going on.
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Only two kinds of people predict software release dates–fools and liars.
These are great! Mine are simple but they work for me…
Never cut your hair after three margueritas,
Never pass up an opportunity to pee…
Never eat anything you find in the bookdrop…
Whenever you really need help, ask for it…
Sandpiper
As you get older, don’t talk about personal medical stuff. It’s boring and endless and everyone is suffering from something.
Everybody on tv is a big phony (you don’t really KNOW Johnny, Jay or Dave). And, according to Merv Griffin, most talk show guys and newsfolk have abnormally large heads, usually on dinky bodies.
Segovia always said “Study music more than the guitar.” So I say, “Study Irtrad more than the whistle.” Not exactly original but you get the idea..
Phew, I’m outta here.
That’s just…well…ewwww!
You are right about the stopping the abulance thing though. I’m not an EMT but I did see someone try it once. Not pretty!
Things I learned doing biology fieldwork in Western Nebraska
When working in a huge, very dry prairie, never try to sneak in a smoke break downwind (upwind?) of your boss. He will freak out and scream “Grassfire!”
When walking trough a blowout that is riddled with natural springs, carry a big stick. If you fall into a 2’ wide spring that is very deep it is very hard to get out!
If you wander around previously mentioned prairie that has very few landmarks on a cloudy day looking constantly down for a particular plant all morning, you will get hopelessly lost.
On a quiet morning in the middle of the prairie you can hear turtles “doing it” from a surprising distance. Knock, knock knock…knock, knock…
You can actually hear a cormorants wingbeat hundreds of feet above your head if you are quiet enough in a quiet place
Water straight from the Ogalala aquifer via a rickety wood windmill is the best, coldest most wonderful thing on a day of 105 degrees.
Never try to oil a rickety wood windmill on a day with 50 mph winds. The brake chain will break at the worst possible time.
There are few things more calming or beautifull than watching the shadows of clouds roll over the sandhills.
Mark V.
A good night’s sleep solves a multitude of problems. Too few people have tried this.
Caffeine keeps the body awake, but not the mind.
No matter how poorly planned, it will work for ten minutes.
Don’t just ask why, know why.
A person is more than a statistical category.
Think before speaking. You might then find the latter to be unnecessary.
Short sayings don’t solve anything.
Save your work. A glitch is imminent.
Lots of great stuff here!
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes when I am able to give help to people who seem to be in need, I get taken advantage of. Some people say I am too nice. I’m sure a lot of you other Chiffers have heard the same said of you.
Now, bear in mind I’m only talking about a minority of bad apples. It’s like how you always remember that one time you got stung by a bee but tmost of your encounters with them are of no consequence. Most of the people I work and deal with are like family to me. Also bear in mind that I have been working here for my whole life so I’ve seen a lot of water go under the dam.
In my line of work you are always trying to help. It’s the nature of the work and it’s human nature. You try to help customers, of course and you’ve got to help your employees too. I’ve had people I trust steal cars, money, tools, equipment, lie, cheat, borrow money and quit, you name it. The scams I’ve seen! Employees, customers, even family. I’ve got some great stories. 
Maybe it could all be turned into a sitcom one day.
In the past when these things would happen I used to get angry and vengeful-feeling.
But one day…
I learned…
That I am not too nice. I am simply one of the ones who are doing things right.
I go to bed feeling pretty good about things most nights.
I learned that people who operate like that ultimately always have to live with the results of their actions. It might seem like they don’t have a concience, but they do. After people like that pass through we always seem to hear about them. They keep scamming people. They go to jail, they lose their homes, their families, their health, etcetra. I don’t wish it on them. It’s like, you reap what you sow. It’s almost always the same. They never really ever get ahead. in the end they spend twice as much effort to gain 10 cents dishonestly than they would to gain an honest dollar.
One day they all have to face up to the fact that they are no good. And they do. It might be the last moment of their lives. Anyway, it’s not my problem. I learned that too.
I have learned not to hold grudges about this stuff any more but instead to just be glad they’re gone and to learn something from it and move on all the better for having learned something.
Tomorrow is always another day if you let it.
-Paul
I’ve seen several variations of this list, but I still like it.
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- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep. - If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite. - A 3 year old’s voice is louder than 200
adults in a crowded restaurant. - If you hook a dog leash over a
ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough,
however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20x20 ft. room. - You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. - The glass in windows (even double-pane) won’t stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan. - When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh,” it’s already
too late.
8 . Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. - A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. - Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old. - Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t
walk on water. - Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do. - Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on–plastic toys do not
like ovens. - The fire department in Austin, TX, has a 5-minute response time. 21.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. - It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade…true story: One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the “Three Little
Pigs” to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first
pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read: “And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?’” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do
you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said, “I
think he said…‘Holy smoke! A talking pig!’” The teacher was unable to
teach for the next 10 minutes. - 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid…
OOOh yes.
- 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid…
THAT was uncanny… I feel totally exposed.
These goals are easily within my reach… I believe I can do them and it will be a joy, and a great personal accomplishment when they are done. The greatest thing is that once I pass the barriers to this level of accomplishment, I will be in these arenas of performance, and they will be repeatable for the rest of my life.
Things I’ve learned?
Common sense and common courtesy aren’t … (common)
No matter how mad you get at your boss, he/she isn’t going to lose any sleep over it.
In spite of giving parents (and guardian angels) several heart attacks over the years, my number has not come up … yet.
God loves all of us, whether a believer or not.
Some people will argue white is black and vice versa simply to see the reaction they get. (not Chiffers, of course )
Free advice is usually worth exactly what you paid for it.
~Judy
I’ve learned that if you mix Clorox with something and it gives off smoke, it probably contains chlorine gas. Yep, same stuff used as a chemical weapon in WWI. (My former mother-in-law nearly killed herself once mixing Clorox with Spin-n-Span.)
I’ve learned that people like to classify themselves into groups. Family, school, race, religion, nationality, union (or management), whatever. They then see their group as being in conflict with some other group. This “us versus them” mentality is the root of most of the conflicts in the world, large or small.
Expand your group. We’re all people. Deal with it.
I love you for just being you… and I found your list inspirational.
Great stuff. A few of my favorites that haven’t appeared here so far:
- Some people’s messes are other people’s organizations.
- Most couples deserve each other.
And a correlary on “Never say never”: Starting an argument with “you never…” or “you always…” will do irreversible damage to a relationship. And you’re probably wrong anyway.
“You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul’s own doing.” - Marie Stopes
Great thread!
I’ve learned that attitude is everything.
I’ve learned that the people who talk the most and complain the most are the ones with the least to say and the least to contribute.
I’ve learned the value of silence.
I’ve learned that what you unlearn can be just as important a what you learn.
I’ve learned that people who use the word “try” never really do, and people who use the word “can’t” are really saying “won’t.”
I’ve learned that love and heart are the only thing in life that truly matter.
I just read these, and thought of this thread…
Living the Good Life, by Helen Nealy
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Do the best you can, whatever arises.
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Be at peace with yourself.
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Find a job you enjoy.
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Live in simple conditions; housing, food, clothing; get rid of clutter.
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Contact nature every day; feel the earth under your feet.
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Take physical exercise through hard work; through gardening or walking.
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Don’t worry; live one day at a time.
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Share something every day with someone else; if you live alone, write someone; give something away; help someone else somehow.
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Take time to wonder at life and the world; see some humor in life where you can.
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Observe the one life in all things.
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Be kind to the creatures.
The only thing missing is Lee Marsh’s caveat:
Enjoy your music!
~A
These are some of the best I’ve seen, but I have a slight disagreement with one of them:
- Super glue is forever.
Except when used to assemble plaques and trophies. Then it will fail just as the item is being presented.