A long time ago in India I managed to buy a very used Boehm flute.
I could play it a little. I went to a flute teacher in Bombay.
He was a little brown man in white pajamas. He watched
me play and then said, emphatically:
‘Mr. Stone, relax!’
I realize that I am still not relaxed in playing flute. Especially my hands.
I wonder if people will volunteer their take on being relaxed while playing.
How important is it? What do you do to relax while playing?
Relax! Yes, indeed! Perhaps the best advice any of us will be given, and sometimes the hardest to follow.
My flute instructor/mentor is always after me to keep relaxed. There are so many things to focus on…“how is my tone?” “how is my tempo?” “Will I remember this measure right?” and so on… the end result is tension. That tension will cause hands to tighten (we’ve all have case of what I call the “death grip”), and can also affect the throat - I constrict my airway as I get nervous, causing an uncontorlled and highly annoying sort of vibrato. Now…as we notice these issues, we become more tense which will magnify the issues and may also cause other negatives to crop up…things like speeding up, missing notes, forgetting passages and it will just keep snowballing!
The old suggestion of imagining the audience in their underwear is good. It makes us smile, maybe laugh at a little and in so doing, we relax!!!
So yes, Mr Stone, relax! Its all good!!!
Does anyone have suggestions - aside from the audience in underwear - for ways to relax?
~Sue
best line i’ve ever used to describe it:
stop squeezing the instrument; it’s already dead.
Probably the hardest thing about relaxing is simply in realizing that you’re too tense, but once you know that, the solution is really easy.
Just relax. Make a game out of it. Pick a tune that you know really well, and see just how little force must be used, the absolute minimum.
With a bit of deliberate, conscious effort to develop the technique, playing while relaxed will become your new “normal” way of playing.
The only caution is to not drop the flute. That’s bad form.
In my college days, my Boehm flute instructor really harped on me about the tension in my shoulders and neck, and how it radiated all the way down to my grip and tightened my fingers, throat, etc. , as others have stated here.
Years later, when my kids started Suzuki violin at 4 years old, I remember in the group lessons the instructors having the kids play while moving. This was probably mainly to accomodate fidgity children. But as I think of it, when I get tense practising flute, especially if seated, there’s nothing like standing up and moving around, swaying, etc., to cause one to loosen up. Maybe, when no one is watching, occasionally playing while walking around or swaying, or doing slow tai-chi-like movements is good for developing relaxation while playing. Ever wonder how Sarah (hope I got her name right) in Flook could stay so relaxed standing on one foot, yoga-like, while playing for so long and not fall over? I also find that by warming up by playing a few scales and arpeggios in 12-count and 8-count sustained notes, that sets the tone for a more relaxed practice session too.
My inability to relax is what ultimately convinced me to give up fiddle. After ten years of playing, I was still doing myself physical damage in the form of tendonitis.
This has been less troublesome on other instruments, but is always something to be mindful of. It’s especially challenging for those of us whose “real life” situations discourage relaxation in all its forms. Gotta go…the crackberry’s vibrating… 
Right. I am thinking that tension is a good part of the cause of
my tendency to tendinosis in my hands.
Thanks for all these tips, everyone!
I don’t often do this, but I’m going to freely give away a potentially patentable idea for flutes. I think that all flutes should come with some way of attaching a neck strap. Other expensive brass instruments often are secured with a neck strap to keep them from falling. In the case of the flute, you don’t need a strap to hold up or support the flute. But I think of the neck strap for the flute as an emergency safety in case the flute should slip out of your hands.
I have an alto flute that I am using with a curved headjoint. Trying to keep the curved headjoint continually in balance gives me a feeling of instability. I think that I would be more able to relax while holding an expensive and fragile instrument if I knew that there was a safety net, which in this case would be a neck strap.
Ha! Very good. I’ll borrow that, if you don’t mind. 
I think that the idea of “relaxing” is a misrepresentation for being at functional ease, being natural. The living body always has tensions; you cannot not have them, else you could not be upright in gravity. Think about it. Only a dead body is really relaxed (pre or post rigor mortis, of course).
What one can do is lighten tensions, or shift them to where they do the best service for one’s purposes. That way tension can become less of a rigor and more of a muscle tone. How one holds one’s neck and head is a good start for sorting this out, I think.
I learned this from 16 years of traditional Japanese karate training, and for me it holds true.
Here are some sure-fire tips to aid in relaxation:
I still struggle with tension in flute playing- what I’ve found works is to slow way down until you feel no extra squeezing. If I kick it up I feel the tension returning but if I take away the speed, it’s gone. I recall that in the book “inner game of music” there are some good pointers there too, I’m about to go re-read. One bit I remember is playing something familiar and just noticing how much or little tension you have, say on a scale of 1-10. This works better than telling yourself to “relax” as that’s vague in terms of exactly what to do.
Cubitt said to always stand- well, I can’t think of the last time all the flute players stood up in a session, so I’d suggest sitting on the edge of your chair which kind of gets your back straight and makes room for air. I’m as guilty as the next but from time to time I actually remember to do that.
I agree about playing in front of a mirror being distracting! 
i stand when i play… whistle, flute, guitar… whatever… but standing and walking around is very relaxing…
i play outside as much as possible…
i try to hold my flute as lightly as possible… i try to minimize contact while maintaining the balance. the flute almost holds itself… or so it seems to me…
i don’t listen to the music “as a musician would” to the greatest extent possible. i play tunes that are fun for me, and i play them to hear them. i don’t “play for others” as much as i “play for me.” i play because it is fun. if it isn’t fun, i don’t play.
i try not to “clutter my mind” with “stuff” when i’m playing. theory is nice… in a classroom. on stage, i try to share the joy of the music, not all the stuff behind the music… a happy audience is a very relaxing thing…
i carry my flute around the house, just holding it relaxes me…
… oh yea… and EVERYTHING that Cubitt said!..
be well,
jim
I’m not too bad when playing alone, but if I think there’s someone in earshot I might as well forget it. My inability to relax affects the tenseness in my hands, my ability to remember the music and predict what’s coming next in a tune, my breathing, and especially my embouchure. Even if I start out more-or-less relaxed the tension very quickly builds until I can no longer play. It was the same when I used to play guitar (don’t play much anymore), except with the flute it’s worse because I find stress affects embouchure control so badly, not to mention the dry mouth thing.
I have “The Inner Game of Music” on continuous re-read. When I get to the end I just go back to chapter 1 and start over.
I have a very simple approach… have FUN with what you are doing! The rest will fall in line.
Arbo
Like so many other things about playing the flute, relaxation is actually a technique, a technique to be studied, and mastered. Playing a familiar tune allows a player to not have to concentrate on the melody, so that relaxation could be studied as a technique.
It’s not vague, but believe it or not a flute player needs to be relaxed in every way, including fingers, hands, wrists, arms, shoulders, rib cage, and everything from head to toe. One of the best lessons I ever learned was to keep my hands directly in front of me as I play, while keeping my shoulders square and relaxed, and that lesson then lead to a virtual chain reaction of benefits, as a true revelation.
Again, posture makes a big and a very real difference. There’s a proper posture when standing, and there’s a proper posture when sitting. These are not “cosmetic” or “affected” positions, but are positions which will help to bring out the best of a player’s ability.
We are flute players, and as such we speak with our flutes, so let us use every trick in the book to better improve our craft.‘One of the best lessons I ever learned was to keep my hands directly in front of me as I play, while keeping my shoulders square and relaxed…’
Cork, will you please say more about this? I don’t understand the position you describe.
Sure, Jim, but could you tell me something as to what you don’t understand about the position I described? I don’t mean to be argumentative, but I’m just wondering where to begin. Let’s go from there.
Is it a position from the famous Kama Flutra?
Great topic, jim. I know I’m too tense and have had this type of topic and need for advice and thought in the back of my mind for the past few weeks. I tend to play more like this 
or this 
or maybe even this 
, rather than like this 
. Some of my tension I think may come from the perceived pressure to play fast and faster as others play at the local top sessions–I wonder of I’ll ever get to that speed–I also wonder if fast and faster speed has to do with good music making: many folks play fast but sound like shite.
Anyways, Thanks,
Jason
lol
Somehow the word “smut” comes to mind.