I went to the session again last night. Every time I’m able to play more and more of the tunes. I played most of the evening. It was very nice to be able to do that.
I was able to play a lot of tunes by ear. One was a tune I already know but had learned in the wrong key. Another was a tune I’ve only played on my dulcimer. As I played on my flute I couldn’t figure out why I knew it until I realized this. Other tunes I could just figure out bits and pieces, but my ear learning is improving and that makes me happy.
At the end of the evening one of the guys put me on the spot and asked me to play something only I know. He did that to me the week before, too. He asked me to play the tune I played last time so I did. It’s called All Hands Together and although it’s in my book under Reels I can’t figure out how not to play it as a hornpipe, so that’s what it is for me.
He really likes this tune and he made me play it over and over until he had it learned on his guitar.
But I was so nervous. I could barely play it at all. I was so nervous my lip was shaking and I couldn’t hardly hit the second octave notes at all. As the rest of the evening progressed, I just kept getting more and more nervous, even just chatting on the way out. By the end my whole self was shaking. This happens to me sometimes, even going out to dinner, because I’m shy.
Anyway, on the way out the guy walked with me back to my car and told me that he has to take inderal whenever he plays his flute in public because unlike guitar, if you get nervous on flute you just can’t play at all. He also said I have a sweet sound and know some really nice tunes and to keep coming back, that I’m a good flute player despite my lack of confidence and being nervous and making mistakes.
Sorry this is so long and has no real point or question. I guess the point is working hard for a year and totally choking and yet still seeing improvements makes me happy. If I can do it I think it’s possible for others. Seriously, you don’t have to be Matt Molloy to enjoy music-making.
On the nerves and the shaking, all I know to say is I’ve been there. When I was in college, I used to become physically ill when I had to play a recital.
It gets better. The more you do it, the more you start to get past the nerves.
There are times I still get nervous. You also learn to be able to play anyway, whether you’re nervous or not.
That’s common but can be a bit brutal, the way a new player gets put on the spot to start or play the tunes that they do know.
I think sometimes when folks here are talking about beginners and sessions, they spend too much time focusing on the rude and the clueless–not that you are either, of course–and not enough time remembering that your first time in the circle can be a very scary experience. For some folks, just to approach the musicians and say hi is a matter of working up all the nerve they can muster.
Finally, just a bit of practical advise: it’s hard to hold a flute when you’re nervous, and it makes it hard to seal the tone holes. Putting on a good quality hand lotion a quarter hour before you play (so that it has timet to soak in and your hands aren’t slippery) can help you seal the tone holes.
I see you laughing, but one theory I’ve seen actually claims that the poles indeed can flip. Whoa!
Of course, that sort of thing apparently only happens every several hundred thousand years, or so. Or was it every several hundred million years, or so?
Dang! These things can be so hard to keep track of!
I’m an Inderal user as well - I use it for trumpet (weddings, church services, etc), and haven’t taken the flute out in public a whole lot yet. The one time I played it in church, I could have used my Inderal! Seems like I’m fine in a group, but when I’m soloing I need the meds. I’ll be hitting it for the next coupla days as I’m heavily into the music for both our Eater vigil service and the service for the next day!
Don’t feel bad - I’ve tried MANY techniques to get over the shakes and the Inderal is the only thing that works consistently so far…
In my experience, dealing with choke is like everything else about music (and unfortunately, it seems to parallel that of riding, and falling off, horses). It gets better with practice.
It doesn’t mean you still won’t fall apart – everyone does – but with practice you recover more and more quickly until the collapse is much less noticeable (maybe even to you!).
As we ground our way out of a full-band train wreck (one that would have devastated me a few years ago) on St. Pat’s Day, I had this thought … “Well, at least that one’s over with.”
Yep, getting a lot of practice in that department.
Great account of an experience I suspect most of us have had to some degree at some time, Diane. I agree with Cathy, and with Cork’s first post above - he said it perhaps a little brashly/flippantly, but he’s right. It’s done: learn and move on. It shouldn’t be so bad next time. Otherwise, your development tale/self-assessment sounds very encouraging - well done.
I’m more than a little worried by the folks suggesting using chemical control, however! I don’t know about in the U.S., but over here beta-blockers are prescription only drugs (and of course are generally outlawed in sport). I suspect that using them for perfomance nerves, whilst possibly efficacious in the moment, is something of a dangerous (displacement type) avenue to go down. I’d have thought learning psychological self-management techniques would be a better approach, both as preparation for predictable exposure to such stresses and for dealing with a sudden, unexpected adrenaline rush of that kind. Seems to me a parallel situation to kids (who should have been taught/conditioned properly to such situations) being described tranks and anti-depressants at exam time - a very bad idea! I confess I’m generally anti-pill-popping of any kind save in direct medical treatment. Of course, good (? - well, aesthetically, at any rate - good wine, beer, cider…) old alcohol, in moderation, is a relaxant and inhibition-reducer!!!
Incidentally, I write all that as someone who doesn’t normally (odd occasions) suffer badly with stage nerves, but who still, at approaching age 50, plans and rehearses what he is going to say before going to the Post Office counter for stamps, and who is hopeless at thinking of good rejoinders in rows or indeed of what to say at all (one reason I hate having them!) until after the fact, etc. and who is (I think) very bad in interviews in similar and other ways. I’d rather get up on stage and perform solo, even though I’m mortified when I “fall off” a piece in performance!
well done, sb. i know exactly from whence you come.
i played my flute publicly for the first time on St Pat’s because a lady celebrating her 94th wanted to hear Danny Boy. I don’t know it to sing it, but i can play it on the flute. Mind you, i’ve been playing professionally for about 35 years on guitar. when i picked up the flute to play, i was back in the six grade playing for the master competing for first chair. all shakes and nerves. i played the song without managing to pass out from things like forgetting to breathe. it was not pretty, but i got through it. and next time will be easier.
i admire you. i can’t begin to imagine playing flute in a room full of players. and, apparently, they speak well of you. good on ya! someday, we’ll all be buying recordings of you. congratulations!
Focus outward, not inward. The more you focus on yourself, the more the energy you get from other musicians is blocked within you. When the guy asked you to play a tune, all those musicians there were focused on you and you felt all that energy, and the shaking was that energy being released as you were trying to hold it back. The trick is to accept that energy and be prepared for a rush of adrenaline because that’s what’s happening within your body. It’s tough to relax with adrenaline pumping through your veins. I think the trick is to be able to let go and somehow get lost in the music. And by all means, don’t think about it. Thinking about what I am doing is my worst enemy. I can be in the middle of a tune and playing wonderfully, then all of a sudden, I’m thinking, “This is great…” and my playing goes to hell.
I used to meditate with a routine of stretches and warmups for high hurdles in high school and college. I think it would help to have a routine to go through before I play music, but there’s a voice that tells me that’s not cool in front of a bunch of musicians. So, I don’t do much warming up. I suppose I warm up while playing. But, now that I think of it, it’s a good idea to do some kind of routine to get your mind and body ready.
Rob Sharer wrote something it a post I put up about tone recently:
RobSharer:
…Next is to become very aware of how you’re interfacing with your instrument, both with your hands and your embouchure. When I say consistency, I mean that you need to have a routine every time you pick up the flute.
Now, I don’t think Rob was thinking about a meditation routine, but it may well be that’s part of what he’s talking about, if he’s aware of it or not.
I sometimes get this nervous just having a nice dinner with people. No flute is needed. Anyway, glad I’m not alone. I probably won’t be trying inderal since I’m not a performance musician.
I suppose it doesn’t help much that I’ve been trying to give up drinking coffee the last few days.
I’ve heard, but don’t know if it’s true, that bananas contain a natural beta-blocker. Admittedly, not easy to play with a banana stuffed down your flute. You’d think something like that would come with better instructions!
There are books around too, I can think of one title - something like the Inner Game of Music - that I believe address the issue. Don’t know how helpful or otherwise they are though.
Actually, I was attempting some humor, just to make a point.
Here we are on the Internet, which isn’t just “public” but “global”, and if we can “perform” here, then how could a music performance be any different?
After all, aren’t keyboards and flutes just vehicles of expression?
