ORDERING PIZZA In 2015
Operator:
“Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?”
Customer:
“Hi, I’d like to place an order.”
Operator:
“May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer:
“My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”
Operator:
“Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer:
“Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator:
“We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer:
(Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.”
Operator:
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer:
“Whaddya mean?”
Operator:
“Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer:
“Damn! What do you recommend, then?”
Operator:
“You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer:
“What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator:
“Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer:
“All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.”
Operator:
“That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. Your total is $49.99.”
Customer:
“Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer:
“I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator:
“That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn.”
Customer:
“Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator:
“We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer:
“How the hell do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator:
"It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid up.
Customer:
“@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator:
“I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer:
(Speechless)
Operator:
“Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer:
“Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke”.
Operator:
“I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
