yeah, I’m well aware that the food stinks. It was cheap and I had a limited amount of time. ANYway…I was all excited because they have this billboard type thingy at the restaurant. You know, the ones where you can change the messages on them whenever you want…no pictures, only letters? This one put me at ease, because it said:
Doesn’t that make you feel better and make you want to eat there? No one wants MEAN food, right? I’m sure it would growl at me or something. I, for one, was grateful that it was kind.
Think: Schmoo. (With a tip o’ the hat to Lil’ Abner)
Cooked in well-seasoned woks specially imported from China, tenderly prepared by loving hands and kept gently warm on our custom buffet for your dining pleasure. This food wants to be eaten, and promises to lie easily on the stomach, and provide needed energy while never adding an ounce to your weight (unless, of course, your desire is to gain weight).
there was a most excellent chinese restaurant by our house when we lived in hurricane, wv. my wife babysits and one year for her birthday, the family wanted to get her something, so i suggested a gift certificate to that really great chinese restaurant. at the birthday party, the mom told this story.
she went into the restaurant and asked for a gift certificate. they didn’t have any and they didn’t know what she was talking about. she finally explained the concept to the person who best understood english. they just couldn’t grasp that she wanted to give them $20 and didn’t quite want anything back but a piece of paper. anyway, my wife got one of those green restaurant checks with all kinds of chinese characters on it. the mom said, “good luck and let me know how it goes.”
well, on our big day, we went to the retauarant and we showed them the green receipt before doing anything else. the hostess was quite pleased and smiled and totally welcome us to the restaurant, much more so than usual. the hostess invited all the chinese people from the kitchen to come out to look at us, look at the receipt, and talk to each other in chinese. during the meal, the hostess came over and talked to us about this gift certificate thing. she was so glad it worked. i explained the concept again. i asked her to read the green restaurant receipt to us and when i asked if she could write our names for us, she did. at the end of the meal as we were leaving, the hostess tried giving us the gift certificate back. we explained that they should keep that. the next time we stopped in, there was a big sign that said, “gift certificate available.” over the years, we’ve seen this sign spread to the other chinese restaurants. they still don’t take checks though.
Heh. That reminds of a sign on a door at work. When the air-conditioner is running during the summer, the air pressure prevents the door from latching unless you push it closed. Someone got tired of the door being left open, so they put a sign on it that says:
A few days later, someone added a line in smaller print:
After catching the ‘Today’ show segment on how darn well China was doing getting ready for the Olympics…(as compared to who, I wonder…???)
The anchor was given a tour of the ready-to-eat market: ‘Roach-Kabobs’ being the main fare of this one row of stalls…
I remember one time on The Tonight Show when David Brenner was filling in as host. They had a guy on who’d written a book called Buterflies in My Stomach all about edible insects. One of the dishes prepared for the show was cockroaches wrapped in bacon. As host, Brenner was set up as the straight-man who had to sample the various dishes. He commented on how crunchy the roaches were, looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned to the camera and said, “Suddenly I have this overwhelming urge to rub my legs together.”
Chinese food buffets are a huge plus in my family. We love going. With six kids it’s very economical. We have one in Keene called “The Keene Buffet”. It has not only every kind of Chinese food dish but is also equipped with a sushi/salad bar and a buffet table devoted exclusively to American food, plenty of desert ( including soft serve ice cream) and free soda. It also has a pretty good beer selection. If heaven is a banquet, I imagine it to be something like this place.
I thought about it as I sat there in my booth, looking out upon the billboard. I may just. I actually thought about you when I saw it, and your “fetish” with engrish.com
well, on the odd subject of chinese eateries, i had my own special trip to one. It was quite a long time ago, but one time it was my brother’s birthday, so we all (about 12 people and 2 babies) went out to a somewhat local chinese buffet. Towards the end of our feast, the waitress naturally gave us our tab. It was about 90 bucks or so, but my little cousin saw it and (she’s about 5) said “Holey cow! That’s so much! We should leave Sam (that’s me) here for payment instead!” and in at least my family we jab at eat other as affection, so then i replied back as fast as I could, “No, we should leave YOU here, because then everyone would be the same size!!” And right as I said that, the entire restaurant went silent. Let’s just say we were the only caucasian people there. I FELT SO BAD!!! I was just kidding! I’m really a nice person! I just wanted to hide the rest of the time… I didn’t mean it… aw, I still feel bad…
By the way… don’t forget to bring your whistles with you when you come to New Hampshire on Thursday. 
