Check out Tuesday, Oct. 11th’s American Voices bit in The Onion. Clearly, this man (on the left) needs a gift subscription to the HGBSNCA Journal.
I can only hope that the Society is up to the task.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41471
Tim
The Onion piece he refers to is their “man on the street” style interviews.
Online Poaching
Illegal online sales of endangered animal and plant species are becoming problematic, as they are both lucrative and difficult to regulate. What do you think?
Jack Albert,
Livery Driver
“Tell me about it. Just last week, I purchased a majestic lowland gorilla off eBay, and the thing’s turning out to be a real son of a bi**h to take care of.”
My only regret about Chiff & Fipple is that it has distracted me away from my mission of making Home Gorilla Breeding practical and affordable to the people of North Central Alabama.
Gorilla Breeder’s Forum. New for 2005.
One thing about you, Dale: When you perceive a pressing need in the community you’re all over it; no committees, no focus groups, no feasibility studies, just bam! A new forum. Problem solved.
So I had a look over there at once. Some questions came to mind. Lots of questions, actually. There needs to be an FAQ, because the first question was, well, okay, so…gorilla breeding: What’s in it for me? One can’t have them just lollygagging around the house munching banana chips and watching Animal Planet. Quite a conundrum, this large-primate propagation thing. Gonna be tough to compete with those become-a-real-estate-tycoon-with-no-money-down infomercial guys; they don’t involve a product that weighs 400 lbs., is highly intelligent, eats huge amounts, and is probably subject to mood swings. …On second thought, not a problem: Pitch home gorilla breeding to parents of teenagers.
[edited to remove a reference now moot]
I don’t know many teenagers who weigh 400 pounds…
:swear:I do not want something like this running
around in my backyard! If you want these
people raising gorillas, get 'em jobs in a zoo!
And I don’t have a phobia. You all have
some kind of fetish as far as I’m concerned!
This is Colossus:
Colossus spends his days sitting in his “ohm” position in the left hand corner of the Gorilla compound at the Cincinnati Zoo. When the zoo got him, the were thrilled because he was a wild born gorilla (who had been captured as a youngster, and raised amoung humans, but had never seen other gorillas).
Unfortunately, Colossus hasn’t figured out what he’s suppose to DO yet. They have even shown him gorilla “porn”, but he just sits there contemplating his navel.
So - please take pity on Colossus and help him figure out what a male silverback is supposed to do… I mean, if you are going to be a breeder’s society, get him to BREED, darn it!!!
Ok, the forum is up and running and ready for members. Come on, all you experienced breeders. The newbies will be waiting for you there.
Dale
Hmm…This is concerning. That fellow certainly appears to have issues, although they might stem from the fact that he’s purple. However, maybe worried homeowners could request that for their safety, the locations of gorilla breeders in their neighborhoods should be tracked and disclosed by the government. Such a system could be called GOrillaBreederSMonitoringAndContainment, or GOBSMAC.
Thanks for the new forum Dale, but after looking at it, I think I won’t go there! More than I ever wanted to know about the subject.
MarkB
One thing is now abundantly clear to me: It is way too easy to start new web fora these days.
Oh, and as a law professor, I appreciate the Legal Department forum (and have proposed a new course to our Curriculum Committee), but I have one question: How do I get named the Official Podiatrist of C&F?
Sorry to say, there’s only one way: You’d have to kill Paul Busman. See, C&F Official Website under “Dept. of Giving Up the Love.” I can assure you this would not go over well. Surely you don’t want it that badly?
From http://www.righthandpointing.com/gorillabreeding/
I’m appalled by the lack of use of this board. A more informed community of home gorilla breeders could have prevented the “Ginger” incident down in Sarasota last year. We’d have one less inhumanely incarcerated Mountain Gorilla and one less circus clown missing an eye and a finger.
Don’t underestimate the obesity crisis and the appetites of teenagers! I once ate 14 tacos at one sitting. I would weight 400bls if I had had an open ended supply of tacos all my life, especially the really good ones made from home-made corn tortillas with lots of cilantro, shredded beef and sharp Special Reserve Tillamook cheddar!
Rod
Wow! That sure sounds good! Don’t even be talking like that!