Those of you who’ve seen my picture are aware that I have a beard.
Sometimes, it seems when I’m eating something, especially something like peanut butter, one of the long whiskers gets in with the food. This is annoying, as I have to sort the whisker out from whatever else I’m chewing and retrieve it.
However, the thing that’s got me really worried is this. If I swallow the whisker, will I turn inside out?
Best wishes,
Jerry
I’m not a doctor, but I can play one on the whistle.
No, you’ll just unravel. If your dear wife knits, you’re OK.
The worst wolves are those with the fur on the inside.
(Paraphrase from “The Company of Wolves.”)
I just shaved my beard for the summer, but I leave on a soul patch to stabilize the flute and keep the boxwood from staining too much.
If you were to turn inside out everytime you ate your own whisker, I’d be looking a bit like Cthulhu by now. 
Just think of it as the ultimate in recycling. 
–James
If you do turn inside-out, just swallow another whistle. Then, presumably, you’ll turn outside-in.
You mean you don’t? I guess I’ve got to revise my mental image of you. 
Look, I told you once.
One other thing you might worry about is the mental health of those who have to watch you retrieve a long whisker from the food in your mouth. I would prefer that you swallow it without mentioning the problem if at all possible. I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt you.
GROSS! YUCK! DOUBLE YUCK!!!
Sorry. Nothing personal. I’m a bit on the squeamish side.
I’m not sure I understand this—it seems like it would be hard to get your whistle mixed in with your peanut butter sandwich and actually swallow it 
.
It might cause a bezoar.
Well, if it remains attached to your face and proceeds through the digestive tract, then yes, I suppose you would. It would be a slow process though. First your lips would disappear into your mouth, followed by the rest of your face…
Harp wanders off, trying to get rid of this gross mental image of cats and dogs and the results of them eating tinsel off Christmas trees…
I am familiar with this problem, having suffered from it in the past.
You must resist the impulse to cut or break the beard hair.
If you do so, the hair is likely to remain in your stomach. They can accumulate in knots or hairballs. Humans cannot regurgitate hairballs as cats can. Once you have a hairball, you are stuck with it until someone opens you up. They irritate the lining of the stomach, and in severe cases can kill you.
The ball of hair, once removed, is known as a trichni-beozar and can be sold for a large amount to people who believe them to have power to counter poisons. This might comfort you in your dying agonies.
You must gently turn your face away, so you can your your fingers to haul the hair out from the grasp of peristalsis. Use your table-napkin to remove any unwanted evidence, and smile sweetly at your fellow-diners.
Take a more measured approach to your victuals. Chew every morsel twenty-two times before swallowing. Eschew the gannet-like approach. Try to eat more than once in a fortnight, so you are not ravenous when you sit at table.
It is also worth putting your beard in a braid (during mealtimes) to avoid this painful embarrassment.
I like this man 
In support of his observation, I have witnessed (with my very own eyes - and when the said eyes were much better than they are now) a specimin bottle containing the removed hair-ball from a long-haired, nervous, young ladie’s stomach - wherein she had been nervously chewing her hair-ends for several years - the results of which had formed a nice felt forming of her stomach. Thusly preventing her from digesting food and making her near-death from starvation regardless of the tons of Big Macs she consumed daily.
It was very pretty. Now I know what a stomach looks like. (and how the hell do you spell “stomach” and who decided to spell it that way anyhow!!!) And specamin … specimin … spess damnit!!!
(Edited to say: I assume the young lady is now as big as a blimp since the OP, unless she, wisely, continued to grow hairballs for the herbal market … - when in doubt smile! )
I never heard that particular euphemism for coughing up a hairball.
Caj
Even though the very informative posts in this thread made it unnecessary, and even though I knew I was just asking to be grossed out, I could not resist looking up the word “bezoar”. I must say, it was enough to put a person right off her breakfast. I cannot imagine how you all heard of such a dreadful thing! Rapunzel syndrome! Good heavens!
In any case, I can see that my advice to swallow the whisker was dangerous advice. This is exactly why Dale outlawed medical questions. My advice now would be to shave the dang beard off. I would worry far less about being turned inside out and far more about forming a trichobezoar in my stomach. Beards are hazardous! I must say that my husband seems rather typically unalarmed by this news, but I plan to keep educating him about the risks of whiskers.
By implication, Cynth, there is plenty of other body hair that might cause the same problem. Would you be rid of it all?
I wouldn’t worry.
Hairball medications are inexpensive and can be purchased over the counter from your local veterinarian. 
Doc
I don’t know about Jerry’s wife, but I don’t feel I have time to put a 1-inch ribbon of Hairball Remedy on my finger and have my husband lick it off every day!
NOOO! You must not swallow the hair. You would be dishonoring the body given to you. You must free the hair! This wisdom came to me when I removed a 3-inch ingrown hair from my chin. I became at peace. You must free the hair!
The romance is gone, eh?
seems like…
sad, innit