We take it from reliable sources that the General Whistles Co. is to recall all its Waldtones whistles, including those who earlier marketed under the brands Murphy’s Pinta Red (aka MPR) and Acmephonix.
Though primarily intended as gifts for tourists’ souvenir shops, the incriminated whistles would present the potential risk of damaging eardrums if overblown too hard in a closed room.
Though only a limited number of these whistles are dangerously unbalanced, the lack of serial numbers made it necessary to recall ALL the whistles.
These should be taken back to the original seller’s, who will reinforce the faulty part with a undisclosed compound code-named “Bloom-Tack” by GW.
This sort of thing is very sad, as it impacts the entire industry.
Unfortunately, when something like this happens, people don’t remember what kind of whistles were involved and how the problems were addressed. Nor are they aware of the outstanding safety record of tinwhistles, with not a single fatality reported in the entire 161 years since tinwhistles were first mass produced. All they remember is, “Weren’t some whistles recalled for safety problems?”
Now, look at the bright side of the, er… moon? No, you guys say “street”.
I mean, cheer up! Don’t you like the idea of playing the Corvair of woodwinds, whatever Ralph says? Not your Ralph but Nader, of course:
I know yours is into Corvair tuning, not bashing )8)
Alas, for some, this recall merely closes the barn door after it’s been firmly shut I’m afraid. For those afflicted and wishing to join the class action suit, please contact the WAIL (Whistle and Impairment Loss) Foundation. Be advised that you may not join both the WAIL class and the WHISSIYE (Whistle Stuck In Your Ear) class, as the latter condition is in no way related to or caused by the whistles recalled herein.
In late breaking news it is reported that PETA and HSUS are getting involved in a potential law suit for animal cruelty. Seems that in neighborhoods where these defective whistles are played there has been a rash of vet visits in which owners of dogs are reporting abnormal aggressiveness and hearing problems in their animals.
In other news, and striking yet another PR blow to the beleaguered whistle industry, “Subway Vigilante” Bernard Goetz opened fire on a group of Renaissance Faire revelers on a subway car.
Claims Goetz, “They were threatening me with a sharpened whistle…and they were wearing horse tails!”
When the wielder of the sharpened whistle, recovering under the ministrations of the local bloodletter, was asked to comment, his response was that, "I can’t help that it was sharpened! When the wench in the kissing booth planted one on me I dropped it on its head!
Manufacturer of the suspect whistle, General Whistles Co., has declined to comment pending consultation with its attorneys.
It was pointed out by PM that “Eh?” reads better than “Heh?” so I edited the piece. They say good writers are always on the lookout for deadwood they can edit out.
You see these little “Self-Defense” whistles in the stores. They are loud!
They have the wrong idea on this, this could really hurt someones ears - most like the offender who is likely to sue you.
What a real self-defense whistle needs a place where you can mount a .357 clip. Don’t forget to twist the fipple counterclockwise from “safety” to “fire” position.
kidding
