"Dere Mr. President" -Letters to Nixon from kids

Poststructural Pub
1

I bought a book many years ago which is a compilation of letters from kids that Nixon received while he was President. Needless to say, it’s hilarious. I ran across it tonight and thought I’d share a couple of the letters (most of them are just a sentence of two). Seems like the more things change, the more they stay the same. (spelling, grammar are left the same)

“I hope your happy we voted for you. I was lonly so I rote to you. I also wanted to ask you a question. Can I be a spy? I am 8 years old, 92 lb. And I am very good at tiptoeing.”

“Dear Richard, I meen Mr. Nixon. Will you please! try to stop pollution. I am so excited. I have never in my life wrote a letter oh! I am eracing and oh! I can’t find my eracer! Oh well. I will have to say by. Love, Julie”

“Dear Mr. Pres., I’ve taken up a job of being a detective. I’m only 9 years old. So the younger the detective, the less suspects the victim. Could you write to the Federal Bura of Investagatoin and have them send me a few pointers?”

“Dear President Nixon, I wanted to let you know I am very fond of you. I don’t care how big your nose is. You can always count on me.”

“Do you have a pet. If you have a dog get rid of it because we have a dog and he is a nut you can’t sleep you can’t do anything with that dog.”

“Dear Mr. President how was the war in Viet Nam. It is Nice to meet you. Sometimes I see you on TV. Isn’t your name Richard Nixon?”

“How are you? I hope you are fine. How was your trip to Europe? Can you stop all the smoking?”

“Dear Mr. president, I am 8. I want to be a politician. I want to help Indians, Negrows, and white people in poverty. I want them to have homes that are good, jobs and education for their children and themselves. If I become president I will do this, but I will not be hasty.”

“Dear Mr. President, I saw you at Kennedy Space Center on TV last Friday. Did it hurt your eyes when you looked at the blast off? Did you ever get lost in your big house? I get lost in my basement sometimes.”

“Dear mr. president, I have been thinking about Viet Nam. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to buy it?”

“I think you should bring our men home. Russia is a little smarter than us. They just send money and guns, no men, but we send money, guns and men. Bring the men home and just send guns and money. I didn’t vote for you, but I’ll try to be happy with you.”

“We can just chicken out and run. Let them think we are chickens. It may save many lives.”

“In regard to the uniforms you have given to the Washington White House police, I would like to say they are extremely ugly. I would also like to say the police are instituted to protect the people, not strut like roosters. Also, fat, middle-aged policemen only look good, to me, in blue.”

2

So cute!! :slight_smile:

3

Yeah, that is cute. But, you know where my mind goes? A companion piece. “President Nixon’s Letters to Children.”


Dear Little Billy,

I am in receipt of your letter of 19 October, 1973. Thank you very much for your insights and reflections on my Presidency. I shall certainly take under advisement your proposal that I…what was that cute phrase you used?..ah, yes, “kwit, you krook.”

October has been one hell of a grizzly month here at the White House, Billy. Your President has many enemies who plot against him and attempt steal my inner reserves of intellectual power. They are conspiring with the oil producing Arabs, which required me to order fuel allocations early this month. Then they call an embargo which has got everybody’s knickers in a twist. Then out of the freaking blue, I had to let Agnew go. I never liked him anyway. Kind of a cold fish and I always wondered what he was really up to. Then that ridiculous Archie Cox develops paranormal powers and starts reading my mind and the minds of all of the people who work for me about this ridiculous Watergate affair. So, I fired him! Him and a few others that were standing close to him. Yes. Fired the special prosecutor investigating my White House! That’ll show the lousy bastards, Billy. They’re already calling it the “Saturday Night Massacre.” Hah! I suppose it is. You do know what a massacre is, don’t you, Billy?

Write again soon,


Your President

4

It doesn’t hurt to try.

In the small town I used to live in, there was a railroad crossing bar that was the result of a school child writing a letter to the President at the Whitehouse, Washington, DC. The Whitehouse staff forwarded it to the Department of Transportation, and the safety devices were installed.

5

One person CAN make a difference!!!

6

I want to be a spy too. I’ll even buy a trench-coat for the occasion.

7

When my son was 6 years old he wrote a letter to President Clinton telling him that he heard the president had told a lie, that it wasn’t nice to lie, but that he forgave him, only don’t do it again. About six weeks later Michael received a letter from the White House on official stationery thanking him for writing, and it was signed by the president. He was ecstatic. He called all of his friends and when they didn’t believe him, he took it to school for show-and-share. He brought the letter home and put it away for safe keeping in his “box of cool stuff.” Sometime between then and now he had an epiphany. Sitting at the foot of his bed, going through his box, we heard him suddenly burst out, “Hey . . . the guy sent me a form letter!” :smiley:

Will O’Ban

8

When he’s old enough to vote tell him to write to all the candidates. The one who writes a real letter back… that’s the one to go for.

9

I think coats that hang to the ground are almost as good as pretty shoes.

10

I’ve only written one letter to a President, and that was Nixon during Viet Nam. I received a form letter reply signed by an underling. My letter was not included in the book (of course, I wasn’t a kid and it wasn’t particularly funny).

Even more interesting than trying to get a written reply from the White House is to call there trying to find someone. In the early 70s I had a Secret Service agent friend who worked at the White House. I needed to reach him one day to discuss a party we were having. I must have talked to 5-10 people who became more and more suspicious of what I wanted and who I was trying to reach and tried to keep me on the phone answering more and more detailed questions (“Where do you work? The FBI??? And you want to talk to one of our agents about something personal??? Hold on a moment…”). I could see where it was going and expected at any moment to have agents swooping down on me, so I hung up.

Susan

11

Considering what was going on in the White House at that time, Susan, I can understand the grilling. They all thought the FBI was leaking the stories to the Washington Post. You were smart to hang up! Did you check your home for bugs that day?

On a more serious note: I watched, well until I fell asleep at the 1/2-way point, “Tom Brokaw’s Report: Deep Throat” last night on Sundance. A good documentary for those not familiar with Watergate. A tidbit I didn’t know was that murder had been discussed as a way to quiet their enemies and stop the investigation. Pretty scary.

12

I watched that one too, It was very informative.
The more I find out about the nixon era, the more I’m glad it’s over! :stuck_out_tongue:
Now if we could only keep it from happening again…