Always the traveller, never the settler!

Poststructural Pub
1

Just moved into a new bedsit. To celebrate, i went for a few beers with a workmate and his wife. We got talking and the subject came to flats/bedsits/houses etc. My mate has never lived anywhere on his own and he is in his late forties!! He just went straight from his mammies home to his new wifes home! It turns out there are an awful lot of people i know that have just gone straight from their mothers apron string to their wifes apron string without living/supporting themselves(maybe im being a wee bit too harsh)!
In working this out, ive been in

(age 17)- letterkenny 1 house
(age 19)-dundalk 3 houses/ 2 flats
(1 year travelling israel…not even counting various beaches/hostels/kibbutz/hotels/apartments etc!).
(age 26)-Athlone 2 houses
(age 28)-Ballinamore 1 flat/1 house
(age 29)-Ballyconnell 1 house/2 flats
(age 31)-Cavan 2 houses
(age 32)-Dublin 4 houses 1 bedsit.

Thats 18 different gaffs ive been a rent payer since i left home(19 yrs)!!

Should i settle?? is this kind of the normal thing that people are at in their lives or do i have itchy feet?

how many places have ye lived in? and i mean officially/rent payer! ?

2

Well, yeah…that’s how it’s going to be if you marry young and stay married. And many people do. There’s nothing shameful about it.
I had a rather short solo interlude (excluding college time,) of about a year. I don’t have any apron strings, though, and if I did I doubt anyone would be tied to them. :slight_smile:

3

Age 18 Phoenix, AZ (1)
Age 20 Anderson, CA (family)
Age 21 San Luis Obispo, CA (1)
Age 21 San Jose, CA (family)
Age 22 San Jose, CA (2 apts, 1 condo, 2 houses)

Even if I count intervals staying with family, you’re far ahead. And all the places since age 22 I’ve been the renter or owner have been with my wife (& later, kids, but not with either of our extended families).

We both hate packing up and moving, and we’re happy in our current house. We’ve been here 8 years now, and - barring the unexpected - we hope to stay until/unless we move away from region.

4

Abut a dozen places in 7 towns/citites in four states. All east of the Appalachian Mountains, though. I love a lot of stuff west of them, but could never live there.

I’m staying where I am till I retire; then will probably get a place in the South for the winter and a place in the North for the summer.

5

I count 14 places in Florida, between ages 19 and 40…the majority clustered more toward the younger end, when I was an impoverished college student; all rentals except for 2 houses I somehow finagled buying. Took me that long to figure out it wasn’t shortcomings in all those various residences that made me restless; it was Florida itself. So I moved to NC 8 years ago; since then I’ve only lived in 3 different places. I’d say middle age seems to have slowed me down…but then, er, well…I’m planning to move again…:blush:

The answer to your question, though, is twofold: Should you settle down? Well, perhaps. Seems like a good idea, in theory. Should you settle? No: You should never settle. :wink:

6

*lived in the same house from birth to age 21.
*moved into an apartment at age 21.
*bought a house at age 24. Got married at age 26 and (the now ex) moved in. He still lives in that house.
(bought this house when divorced. Tom moved in here when we married.

yeah - I’m boring!

7

I wish I would have had the guts to move out and live on my own but my parents discouraged me from doing so.

I lived with my parents until I was 32, then I got married and have lived with my husband ever since.

And since being married, I have discovered that all the things my mother said to discourage me, i.e., you don’t know how to deal with the plumber, you don’t know how to deal with any repair man, etc. - really aren’t that bad and I can do them.

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I defied my parents and moved out. I don’t THINK my mother’s worst fears of my having an illegitimate baby would have come true! (She said once when we were arguing about this, “go ahead, move out, you’ll get raped and get pregnant and have to raise the baby alone!” My mother had issues.)

I hearby promise not to discourage my daughter from moving out once she finishes high school!

8

not counting the times we moved when I was little(and those were all in WV coaltowns-
18-married and moved 20 minutes from the farm I grew up on
19-bought our first house and lived there 24 years
10years ago we moved into the Craftsman farmhouse built by my husband’s grandparents. He was literally born in this house.

I can’t imagine us ever moving. I love it here.

All of these places have been within 20 miles of each other.

9

I went straight from my mum’s house to living with my husband. I can’t imagine they haven’t lived lots of places, though. We most assuredly can’t afford a house yet. How do people in their early twenties manage to get a proper house? Most of my married friends live in slightly less than nice appartments, like most of my unmarried friends. Only difference is they have permanent roomates. (At least, hopefully permanent.)

How does being married exempt you from supporting yourself, for that matter?

I didn’t move out mostly due to the fact that there is no way I could pay rent and eat on what I make without help in this particular place, especially before I get a degree. My parents were a bit reluctant to have me leave because I was the youngest child, and, to honest, I think they didn’t want me to have to deal with poverty and an unpleasant job. I don’t blame them, but I’m managing anyway. (They weren’t any more comfortable with my moving out married, because that doesn’t really solve that problem. It just means I have a nice man to help do the dishes. :slight_smile: )

As for moving, I think it’s well and good. Every place has it’s good points. I’ve come to love the town where I live, but I could love other places just as well. Moving can be interesting.

10

Before age 18 - lived in a variety of places (rough count half a dozen moves), with or without immediate relatives, but not really a rent-paying sort of situation
Age 18 and 19 - two years in (different) university dorms, Rochester NY
Age 20 to 23 - a variety of places for short periods:
–six months in Oregon with a roommate
–six months in Idaho on my own
–six months renting a room in a friend’s house in NY
–three months rent-free at a friend’s parent’s house
–the rest of the time in a university apartment with two or three roommates
Age 24 - three months travelling in Ireland
Age 24 - seven months in Seattle with a roommate
Age 24-25 - six months renting a room in a friend’s house in Utah
Age 25-26 - a few months in university housing, then renting from a friend
Age 26 - Got married and consider myself officially settled! :slight_smile:

I began officially supporting myself at age 18, and generally consider myself a wanderer. Perhaps out of necessity in the past, but now that I have a home base I still find myself enjoying travelling. I do think there are some people who are more prone to wander than others, but a lot of it may have to do with one’s childhood experiences and whether they were enjoyable or not.

11

It depends on your definition of “proper”.

In my case, it meant buying a real, old, “fixer-upper” in a not so great neighborhood, and setting up my bedroom in the dining room while my dad and I totally redid the upstairs (took off half the roof, put on a dormer, redid the bathroom, and remodeled the two bedrooms upstairs).

And continuing to remodel continuously.

12

I was anxious to get out of my parent’s house as soon as I was able to do so. Going away to college was a big help because living in college dormitory rooms gave me experience of living on my own. I went from college dorms to rented rooms, apartments, and houses. Now, at 62, I am back in an apartment, which suits me just fine. The landlord mows the grass and does other maintenance, and I pay the rent every month.

However, no matter where I have lived, I have never felt a sense of permanence. I have always felt like I was just camping out on the planet. I’ll be here for a few years, and then I will be gone, so no sense in putting down roots. I am not suggesting that this is a healthy attitude, but it is the way that I feel.

I have been entertaining thoughts of another major move, probably back to the southwest where I lived for thirty years. Indiana is the state of my birth, but there are no mountains here. I like to walk in wild places, but in Indiana almost all of the land is private property with fences and no trespassing signs. In Arizona, for example, there are thousands of square miles of public lands that belong to me. I don’t feel so boxed in. I am reminded of the song, “Give me land, lots of land under stary skies above, but don’t fence me in”. Being able to look outside my kitchen window and see a mountain that is 50 miles away gives a feeling a space that I don’t find here in the midwest. That said, however, there is a feeling of inertia that sets in at a certain age, and it is harder to make major changes than it would have been years ago.

13

I’ve moved 18 times since high school, which includes 4 moves back to the parents home for a variety of reasons. I have been at my current address for 8 years now, so maybe I am settling down, but I certainly wouldn’t consider it as settled. I already have plans for what will be my next, and hopefully, last move.

14

Hmm, lets see…

Age 16-17: Quit school, moved to Aspen Colorado, became a ski bum, worked at Sam’s Knob restaurant on snowmass mountain, good times.

Ages 17-18: Back to Ashburnham, MA. to finish H.S. and graduate (boy were my friends who had to do the full 4 years pissed)

Age 18: Conshohocken, PA. (To run my father’s Martial Arts School)

Age 19: Fitchburg, MA. (for a girl, what a mistake!)

Ages 20-25: Boulder, CO. (Best years of my life, moved 5 times that I can remember)

Ages 25-38: Tampa, FL (moved 6 times that I can recall)

Age 39-40: Asheville, N.C., St.Louis MO., Charlotte, N.C. , Greensboro N.C., Malvern, PA., Boulder, CO. (A lot of frickin’ driving that year!!!)

Ages 40-42: Allston, Boston, Framingham, Brookline, Brookline Village, Jamaica Plain, and finally, Brighton, MA. (perhaps the most difficult years of my life, RIP Gunner)

That’s the best I can remember it anyway.

Whew, I really need to settle down, but I gaurantee you’ll find no moss on me…

Loren

(Edited to remove years 0-15, when I wasn’t actually paying rent)

15

I thought we were just talking about where we lived as adults.

I moved a lot as a kid - my father was in the US Air Force.

Born in Connecticut, then lived about 2-1/2 years at Brize Norton in England, 1 year at Fairchild AFB in Washington State, 4 years at Bergstrom AFB in Texas, and 4 years at Selfridge AFB in Michigan. Then we moved to Spokane, Washington after my father retired and I’ve lived here ever since, first with my parents, then with my husband.