Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.
Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).
So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.
That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.
Envelopes do NOT taste like “armpit”. That gross exaggeration is foisted on the reader by the writer’s misguided and prissy idea that armpits should be a Bad Thing.
Hell, that’s what I like about pizza. A nice greasy one with lots of onions that smells like an armpit. It’s one of the fine things in life.
You know what’d be really bad? If an armpit tasted like envelope, that’s what.
I’ll just stop licking them all together. I suppose I’ll have to crate the two who don’t get to lick the envelopes, they have a tendency to get territorial regarding food. This will be sort of neat, our dog’s microbe infested spit traveling the globe, cool.
Yes, there are rabbis out there with enough chutzpah to certify things with bacon in the name as kosher. Fortunately, there is no such thing as eternal damnation in the Jewish faith. If you keep kosher, the good news is that all of J&D’s products are Kof-K certified. Hickory, Peppered, Jalapeno, Maple, Applewood and Mesquite Bacon Salts are Kof-K Parve, while Original, Natural, and Cheddar Bacon Salts along with Regular and Lite Baconnaise are Kof-K Dairy. Please visit > http://www.kof-k.org > to learn more about Kof-K kosher certification.
not just Kosher, but Smokey-bacon favoured crisps (potato chips) in the UK are suitable for Vegetarians! (Whereas, disappointingly for some, Cheese-and-onion flavoured crisps are not suitable for Vegetarians. As for them being Kosher, I can’t say. I should ask my sister.)
I daresay the Bacon-flavoured Pringles are Vegetarian-acceptable too.
