Searching for a Cure

Whistle
1

hello all:

I have a problem that you may be able to assist me with. My wife has
completely lost touch with reality. As I was talking to her on the phone
the other day, I happened to mention that I was in need of a low whistle.
Now, normally, my wife is a sensible and rational being, so you can
imagine my amazement when she uttered the following words.

“Why do you need one of those, dont you have enough instruments”

After retreiving the phone which had escaped from my nerveless grasp,
I calmy replied, "ARE YOU CRAZY WOMAN’, which in retrospect, may not
be the best thing to say to someone who is so obviously unstable.
Enough instruments indeed…the gall…the utter temerity of the
woman. As you can see, this is a serious problem, and I am very
concerned for her health. I’m hoping that someone here who may have
encountered a case like this before, could offer some advice. Now,
take into account, she is so far gone that she no longer believes the
socially accepted theories of instrument acquisition. For instance, she
now is of the opinion that my banjo was purchased from a music store,
and not conceived in a loving relationship between a couple of my
guitars that had been left unsupervised in my closet for an extended
period of time. She also refuses to believe that my little Feadog just
followed my home one day, and that I didn’t have the heart to leave it
starving for attention out in the cold and lonely streets. I am desperate
to find a cure for my wife’s terrible malady, and would greatly
appreciate any help in this endeavor.

Thanks
Turtle

2

Buy her a bodhran?

3

This is a serious matter indeed!

There is every possibility that your wife has become
infected with the “Celtic Virus”. I quote hereunder
a piece in which I reported on this unsettling effect
on another thread.

The Celtic-Virus is showing signs of sub-cerebral intelligence.
It seems the virus affects the player of Celtic music
in a different way to the listener.

OF COURSE IF YOU NEVER - EVER PLAYED ANY
CELTIC MUSIC YOU WOULD HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT

I am sorry to say that ALMOST CERTAINLY
you have been infected in a way which causes
the virus to spread and multiply. I refer of
course to the whistle acquisition mania
commonly discussed by many affected comtributors
to this forum. Up till now there was no scientific
explanation for this upsetting and widespread disorder.
It remains to be shown that the disorder is more
pronounced among those who play Celtic Music.
Stay tuned - for further updates.

Your wife, being a listener rather than
a player, is differently affected.

It is even possible that your wife, with her female
intuition, has subliminally become aware of
this sinister effect at work, and it reacting
to protect you.

Here is the information on the Celtic Virus:

Irish Music Infected with Virus.

Advanced computer analysis,
similar to that used in breaking the DNA code,
is currently being used to “de-code” Celtic Music,
at the University of West Cork.

Though unwilling to comment directly on the findings,
Dr. Mún Mór, a spokes person for the University,
said that there are indications of a coherent digital like
code embedded within much of Celtic music.

It seems that this encoded information,
embedded deeply within the musics structure,
reacts directly with parts of the human brain.
It then seems to set up a
“Psycho-Acoustic Resonance”
activating elements in the brain stem
and also in the frontal lobes.
This in turn causes, among other cerebral activity,
a pleasurable sensation to be experienced by the persons affected.
The encoded information goes on to create several other effects
the implications of which are not as yet understood.

One commentator suggested that the electro-chemical reactions
and psychological effects of the encoded information,
with its DNA like structure, had on the brain,
was remarkably like that which a virus has in a computer.

This reaction or infection of the brain of the listener
by the “Celtic-Code” would explain the
strange phenomena of the growing popularity of Irish music,
with its otherwise unrefined, sometimes monotonous,
and basic structure.

There are some suggestion of possible other more sinister
effects of the Celtic-Code, such as brainwashing
or mass hypnosis. The mass hypnosis effect of music
is well illustrated in other popular forms of music,
but these do not have the highly complex
digital DNA like encoding found in Celtic music.

It would be therefore prudent to limit how
much Irish music one listens to and plays,
until such time as the “Celtic-Code” can be broken.

4

My Dear Terrapin,
Given your stubborn lack of reasonable perspective, she may end up leaving you. Then you won’t be able to call her “malady” anymore …
:stuck_out_tongue:

5

We all go through this at some point, Turtle. Sometimes divorce is the only answer. You have my deepest sympathy.

6

Learn to build instruments. Tell her you will one day be a famous
luthier/whistlesmith/flutegod and that you still need to make a
few more to perfect your technique.

Each attempt gets better, but these first dozen aren’t good enough
to sell yet, so you’d better hang onto them yourself.

If you design yours to look like the instruments you want to
eventually buy, then you can discretely swap yours out
for the real thing.

7

Apparently it’s not limited to the female of the species. My husband suffers from the same thing. I have redress though. When he concerns himself with my healthily growing collection, I take him to the room where his Donald Duck collection is housed. I begin to count. Before I’ve counted the four hundredth duck, he relaxes and goes into remission. We’ve struck a sort of truce this way.

8

It’s not limited to whistles also, I think it’s called jealousy :slight_smile:

Turtle, tell her that if she send you a low whistle, you’ll compose a tune for her, and that every time you play the tune you’ll remember her. That could work :wink:

9

I can’t believe you didn’t sort this out BEFORE you got married??? :confused: :astonished:
Have you not heard of pre-nuptials? It may be too late for you now, if you divorce her she may be entitled to half of all your whistles and future whistles!!! If you don’t divorce her, you may not get any more whistles. Hobson’s choice, catch 22, a rock and a hard place spring to mind.

10

That is why you have to start young and find a woman who knows you will do this. :wink:

That is my plan.

11

Aw, that is a copout and totally unacceptable. :roll:

This is what did it for me:

Kawai 5’ baby grand and a Bleazey Mopani flute.








Actually, she has been REALLY great about all my passions and hobbies. The piano was easy for me to get for her.

12

Ooooh! I saw this and flushed with pleasure! How nice! Yum!

13

Yeah, isn’t that a REALLY nice flute!

14

I’ll have to ponder these possibilities…hmmm…divorce…
baby grand…divorce…baby grand…divorce..
…20 minutes to Wapner…What am I thinking, I couldn’t
possibly divorce this poor woman in her time of need. I was thinking
along the lines of therapy, but maybe she’ll settle for a trip to Ireland.

15

Mrs Fool is convinced that ‘Seery’ is the make of an electrical conduit
because it is stamped on every piece of me flute :smiley:

16

It seems a common aspect in reducing spouses’ intolerance for or utter incomprehension about one’s accumulation of whistles is to somehow involve them in it in a way in which they come to feel that it’s their interest as well.

In my case (having started playing whistle seriously since February), my wife took notice of my practicing and playing and how it had reduced to a bare minimum the amount of television I watched. She liked that. She then had the idea that, since she used to play the viola, she might start learning to play another instrument so that we could play music together–folk songs, hymns, etc. She picked the ukulele (which, I note, even at the high end, doesn’t cost as much as a grand piano). A perfect fit for where we live.

Because of all this, and since we’ve played our way together haltingly through a few songs here and there, my wife has been much more encouraging and understanding of my wanting different whistles, different keys, and so on, though she does still help me keep my buying more reasonable. It’s also true that the better a whistle sounds, the more happy my wife is to have it around the house. She’s also more tolerant of a new whislte if I can explain why it was a real bargain, or why it’s such a good whistle to have.


I’ve also noticed that, if you’re careful, you can gradually shift the discussion from Clarkes, Feadogs, Generations, and Susatos, to O’briens, Hoovers, Bingamons and Water Weasels. I’ve recently subtly added names like Overton, Busman, Sweet, and Abell to the discussion with an off-handed comment about how they cost a little bit more.

One way or another, I think it’s working. So far.

17

Too much information!

18

OK, so a grand piano is out of the question. On the other hand it might be time to mention the word MANDOLIN to her!!! :smiling_imp: Once she feels the effects of aquiring a new instrument there is now way she could deny you your pleasure too! :smiley:

19

on the other hand, how much does the equipment cost that you would need to make whistles? maybe compare that cost to the cost of a new whistle now and then . . .

20

Funny thing, just this afternoon we were in Chinatown in Honolulu. My wife happened upon a ukulele in one of the stores. I then dropped the word “mandolin”. She said something like “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve heard that the fingering and such is alot like the violin, which isn’t that different than the Viola which I used to play.” I couldn’t have planned it any better.

Since then I’ve been wondering if this isn’t something like the way, in Genesis, that the Serpent tempted Adam and Eve. :sunglasses: