my wife & i are preparing our annual musical challenge for our family and friends, the 2009 st. valentine’s day musical challenge. we finally came up with a theme “places in the afterlife.” now we’re researching songs that mention in the lyrics or in the title heaven, hell, limbo, valhalla, you get the idea. the songs can be any genre of music but they need to be accessible to my wife and me with no cost. we have access to an extensive collection of music in our county library. we usually include a couple of obscure songs but most songs gotta be pretty easy for our family and friends to figure out.
I am reminded at this point of a fellow I used to know who’s name was Henry, only to give you an idea of what an individualist he was he spelt it HEN3RY. The 3 was silent, you see. Henry was financially independent having inherited his father’s tar-and-feather business and was therefore able to devote his full time to such intellectual pursuits as writing. I particularly remember a heart-warming novel of his about a young necropheliac who finally achieved his boy-hood ambition by becoming coroner.
The rest of you can look it up when you get home. In addition to writing he indulged in a good deal of philosophizing. Like so many contemporary philosophers he especially enjoyed giving helpful advice to people who were happier than he was. One particular bit of advice which I recall, which is the reason I bring up this whole, dreary story is something he said once before they took him away to the Massachussetts state home for the bewilderd. He said: “Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” It’s always seems to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need in these trying times of crisis and universal broo-ha-ha, and so with this in mind I have here a modern positive dynamic uplifting song in the tradition of the great old revival hymns. This one might more accurately be termed a survival hymn.
When you attend a funeral,
It is sad to think that sooner or
Later those you love will do the same for you.
And you may have thought it tragic,
Not to mention other adjec-
Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do.
But don’t you worry.
No more ashes, no more sackcloth.
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve.
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too,
There’ll be nobody left behind to grieve.
And we will all go together when we go.
What a comforting fact that is to know.
Universal bereavement,
An inspiring achievement,
Yes, we all will go together when we go.
We will all go together when we go.
All suffuse with an incandescent glow.
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance,
Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go.
Oh we will all fry together when we fry.
We’ll be french fried potatoes by and by.
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie,
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
Down by the old maelstrom,
There’ll be a storm before the calm.
And we will all bake together when we bake.
There’ll be nobody present at the wake.
With complete participation
In that grand incineration,
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.
Oh we will all char together when we char.
And let there be no moaning of the bar.
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.,
And the party will be “come as you are.”
Oh we will all burn together when we burn.
There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn.
When it’s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out,
We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn.
You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas.
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dolla’s.
And we will all go together when we go.
Ev’ry Hottenhot and ev’ry Eskimo.
When the air becomes uranious,
And we will all go simultaneous.
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together,
Yes we all will go together when we go.
The version of “Old Time Religion” that I sing has a verse
“In the halls of old Valhalla
I’ll be toasting my marshmalla
Maybe it’s vulgar, trite or shalla
But it’s good enough for me!”
Let me know if you find a song that mentions Sesrumnir, the Hall of Seats, where the invitation is from Freya, rather than Odin.
One of the pagan terms for the afterlife is “Summerlands”. You could do a pastiche on the “summertime” lyric: “Summerlands, Summerlands, sum-sum-summerlands… etc”
“Heaven, I’m in Heaven,
and the cares that flow around me through the week
seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak,
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek!”
Ain’t No Heaven - DJ Champion
Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
If God Was One of Us - Joan Osbourne
Dirty Water - Rock & Hyde
Cosmic Debris - Frank Zappa
Devil Went Down to Goergia - Charlie Daniels
We Have Heaven - Yes
etc.
Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton (on his “Unplugged” CD) Take Me Home, Country Roads – John Denver (mentions Heaven in the 1st line) Bat Out of Hell – Meatloaf
I’m wearin’ awa’ Jean,
Like snaw-wreaths in thaw, Jean,
I’m wearin’ awa’
To the land o’ the leal.
There’s nae sorrow there, Jean
There’s neither cauld nor care, Jean,
The day’s aye fair
In the land o’ the leal.
To me ye hae bee true Jean,
Your task’s ended noo, Jean
For near kythes my view
O’ the land o’ the leal.
Our bonnie bairn’s there, Jean,
She was baith gude and fair, Jean,
And, oh! we grud’d her sair
To the land o’ the leal.
But dry that tearfu’ ee Jean,
Grieve na for her and me, Jean
Frae sin and sorrow free
I’ the land o’ the leal.
Now fare ye weel, may ain Jean!
This warld’s cares are vain, Jean,
We’ll meet and aye be fein
I’ the land o’ the leal.
Ron and nancy got the house but sid and nancy rule
I died 8 years ago I’m still a legend at my high school
I stole a chevy and I wrapped it round a tree
But that’s ok cause no one’s gonna make the next century
I’m up in heaven now they say I’m here to stay
Where the clouds are really puffy and the angels sing every day
Alleluia alleluia alleluia, wo-oh . . .
The cafeteria’s got everything it’s gonna drive me mad
Cause it looks just like a big hawaiian party that my mother had
It’s like the worst elvis film I’ve ever seen
Technicolor luau all on technicolor green
There’s camping trips and donkey rides and singing round the fire
And they signed me up for surfing
But they can’t get me in the choir
Alleluia alleluia alleluia, wo-oh . . .
But there she was this morning getting fitted for her wings
Leather boots magenta hair and saying nasty things
I’d say she was an angel but it’s stupid and it’s obvious
I said you’ll hate it here cause we’re the only ones like us
It’s crypto-fascist mania it’s silicon deliria
Yeah, she said, you’re right, but I like the cafeteria
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Hey God we’re the bad kids we’re so nasty mean and vile
God looks like a guidance counselor god’s got that smile
God says, how could this be, that’s really odd
I guess I’ll have to check my records, silly me, you know, I’m only
God . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The waves are perfect and the sun will always shine
But there’s got to be more to death than surfing all the time
I know the signs of self-destruction so I try to stop each new kid
Don’t be like me, forever young, forever stupid
Yeah, I found love here but I’ll bet you’ll find it there
Where they don’t always make the same joke
Gee you make a heavenly pair
Alleluia alleluia alleluia alleluia
Alleluia alleluia alleluia alleluia
Alleluia alleluia alleluia
Alleluia
If you want to throw a curveball, you could include the “Limbo Song”
by Chubby Checker (or Harry Belafonte, or whoever else has covered
it). It’s actually about the game of limbo…
I just spent a week at deer camp listening to the local rock station that hasn’t bought a new song ever. I heard “Spirit in the Sky” 4 times in one day and I wasn’t even listening to the station all day.
Thanks for the all the suggestions folks. Now I’m going to have to get ahold of the CD’s for these songs. I hope I’m lucky.
Still keep the ideas coming. I’ll let you know what the final selections were.
