This is a story about revenge and appreciation for the bagpipes (GHBs) and their possible positive applications.
Many, many years ago I was a participant at the Minnesota Rennaissance Festival. I played in a few groups out there but what I liked to do most was play the GHBs…an instrument regarded by most at the festival as a nuissance and royal pain in the arse. I was constantly criticised for the volume of my pipes, and very often would have to tolerate the close angry red faces of other cast members who would shout at me while I played…not that I could hear them…but reading their lips wasn’t a difficult thing to do.
However, even more annoying was a group of teenaged boys who pulled carts around, giving people rides for a fee. Obnoxious during the day, but more so at night when they drank vast amounts of booze, played their boom boxes loudly, fought, screamed and carried on thoughout the entire evening and well into the morning hours…in a campground that was trying their best to sleep.
On one weekend, I was approached by a shop owner, with a tidy little sum of cash in hand, and asked if I was for hire. My job was to awaken the freshly passed out, and severely hungover band of yahoos at first light on some Sunday morning. I whole-heartedly agreed to do it and on the Sunday morning we had chosen for this mercenary work, I put my GHBs together…not bothering to tune them, it really wasn’t necessary… strode up to the row of tents that were occupied by my targets, punched in the drones and chanter, and played as badly as I could…no tune, just carefully crafted terrible noises.
The effect was sudden and very humorous. Half naked, these fellows scrambled, crawled and rolled out of their tents moaning and swearing. One kid ‘flashed the hash’ (as it were) and another ran away as fast as they could with his hand over his ears. All of this to the cheers and applause from the rest of the campers who had gathered around to watch the event.
Afterward, folks seemed to be a little more tolerant of me and my piping. As for the yahoos, they ceased their loud partying for the remainder of that festival season (I’m still not certain if it was because of me, or the fed up campground director).
It may have not been the appreciation that I would have preferred, but it was appreciation all the same…and I finally managed to have some fun piping as well. 