I have some experience playing music with other people, but not ITM. I’ve always been very nervous playing in front of people, so that really doesn’t help. And now that I actually occasionally play with one or two other people, I’m finding myself completely lost. I know it is not uncommon for your best playing by yourself to be a slightly better than your playing in front of others, but I find that there is a HUGE difference. I thought playing without music as much as possible would be best becasue it’s one less thing to worry about, but I tend to get nervous and forget even tunes I know well. Playing with music obviously helps with this, but it’s rather irratating. And then there’s hte getting lost for no apparent reason and misidentifying the tune that’s being played…I really don’t see why this is so confusing, but some how it is.
Playing in group situations also requires practice.
See Diane (sbfluter)'s thread on a similar point over on the Flute Forum! What you describe is (as you clearly realise) a common phenomenon that afflicts us all from time to time, whatever level we are at, but is obviously a bigger issue for beginners.
This is a very common experience.
Just get on with it, sooner or later it will become routine.
Also the more you practice at home the less likely
the music will just leave you when you’re playing
with others. The chief cause of stage fright in
theater acting is under rehearsal.
Yeah, playing with others can be tough. I found it humbling but also instructive as well. I had a bad habit that I didn’t even know I had . I do tend to play from sheet music and would sometimes slow down or even pause slightly on certain difficult sections. It dosn’t take too many mean looks from the other players to realise the “error of my ways” 
I had the same problem. Playing in front of a public has been terrifying at first. My first gig was after only four months playing, in front of 200 people, some of them were pro musicians. I was suppose to play the low D for some tune (a slow waltz) but I would get NO sound out of the whistle. I had the stupid idea fo turn my back on the audience… pretty stupid since it emphasized my unease.
Since then, I decided to play much more often with other musicians, that is at least 3 times a week in different bands and groups. And when I don’t play with them, I still spend some time to play along with a recording of our (actually their) performance. I finally recently ended setting up a session in a bar with (much more experienced) fellows. I felt more confortable performing in front of a small audience, made from people that don’t always listen to the music. I still feel very nervous, especially at the gigs, but it is no more overwhelming.
Elaborating on Guinness’ true observation … If the problem you describe involves playing with other people in a performance situation (such as a pub session), then try playing or practicing in a non-performance situation. Get together with some music mates at home, out of the public eye. Run though tunes you know and like. Play parts that give you trouble, again and again if necessary. Don’t worry about getting through a tune. Make mistakes together, have fun together. Then next time you play in public, you’ll remember the good experience of just playing with friends, and it might not seem as intimidating. And in my experience, many accomplished players are happy to help out beginners in this way. After all, they were once beginners too.
I can’t play in front of others very well either. At home alone I’m not too bad. Turn on the recording device and suddenly I can’t play anything all the way through and I have no embouchure.
My boyfriend walks by and I can’t play at all. Or I realize he’s in the next room and then I stumble all through the tune.
I like to practice in a park at lunch time. I keep my eyes closed when people are riding bicycles on the bike path so I won’t see them. The worst is if I open my eyes and someone is standing there. Suddenly I cannot play at all. Once I was scared to death by someone standing there when their dog barked at me. I screamed!
When I go to the session I can’t play hardly anything at all. Last two times they had me teach them a tune, since I’m a newbie and all. They turned to me, “So, what tunes do you know?” Acckkk!!! None! But I screwed up my courage to play Trip to Cullenstown.
The first week I taught them Trip to Cullenstown I was actually having a pretty good night and I played the tune several times, maybe 6 times twice, without making very many mistakes at all. The second week they asked me to teach it again because they almost got it last time and really liked the tune. I was having a bad night though. I could barely finish it. Afterwards I thought I was going to throw up.
I read this board and thesession.org. Some people say really mean things to me. It does get to me. Sometimes I’ll be shaken enough that I am physically shaking when I go to the session. But I keep going. As far as I can tell it’s the only way to get over this crazy fear, or at least keep it from paralyzing me. The people at the session are really extremely nice and welcoming and keep telling me it’s great I’m there and to keep coming back. I endure the mean comments on the Internet in hopes that I can get over the fear and keep things in perspective. The real world isn’t the Internet, you know. I shouldn’t be so afraid of these nice people!
I hope I can get to know people at my session well enough to maybe have them over sometime and we can play together in the kind of informal situation MTGuru describes. It’s taking a long time to get to know them because we play tunes more than chat, which is good.
I remember this very well. For a very long time I had the same problem.
I already have an anxiety disorder, so that didn’t help. But then, it did. I finally understood that the symptoms weren’t going to leave me, so it was how I dealt with them that mattered.
I found that my problem existed because I was afraid of making a mistake and looking foolish. I am a black and white, always try to be in control of my environment type of person. What was happening was, I was playing, but would soon let my mind drift to negative thoughts. Can’t think of two things at once, so the music would suffer.
The trick I found to deal with this is kind of simple really. In order to focus on the playing, I would “hear the music” in my mind and just play along. It helped in that it blocked out all other thoughts. So it’s focusing. Instead of thinking all about making mistakes and what will people think, just relax, hear the tune in your head and play along.
It has gotten to the point where I love playing in front of an audience. My playing is even better than when I play alone. Go figure.
I hope this helps.
Mike
Yes this really works for me as well. I focus on the melody and the pulse and try not to let my mind drift. Even when I goof, I recover and keep going.
PallasAthena, hydromel89 and sbfluter, your problem with playing in front of an audience is very common. I would hazard a guess and say that everyone who plays an instrument of any kind has had that feeling in the pit of the stomach like they were going to throw up. Remember, Matt Molloy was a begginer once, Paddy Moloney was a beginner at one time, and I was a beginner also. We all start off at the same level. I bet they all had the same nauseous feeling at sometime in their life.
You three have more nerve than I, because I would not have tried to play in a session with so little playing experience under my belt. So well done for having the guts to get out there and do it.
As somebody mentioned earlier, it would help if you know the tune enough to play it in your head as you are playing it on whistle/flute.
Stick with the tunes you know best and really work on playing them at a constant tempo with no slow downs. If you find yourself having to slow down in part of a tune, you need to isolate that part of the tune and play through it over and over to get it up to the same speed as the rest of the tune.
I have the same sort of anxiety issues trying to play in a group. I played whistle for three years or so going to a weekly whistle class with 4-5 players at a similar level. These days i’m playing concertina, taking lessons and playng weekly in an advanced beginner practice Ceili band. I also still go to the whistle class and play concertina. I’m getting past the anxiety issues but am having hard time hearing where the others in the group are so I can fit in. I have tempo in my head that comes from practice and can play pretty steadily at different speeds (not too fast) It’s real hard hearing the group and getting to their speed. In the Ceili band, I often can’t hear my instrument. With the whistle group, all I can hear is my instrument. On those rare occaisions when we’re all in sync it reminds me that all the discomfort I’ve felt would pay off in the end. Now I just have to get their a whole lot more often.
When I was in college, I would get so wound up and nervous before I played that I could barely even speak, much less play well.
Some music majors actually take prescribed medications to help reduce the symptoms.
I never did the pharmaceuticals route, but I played poorly about as often as I played well.
The only fix for it is to keep playing.
Learning to play an instrument is an art.
Learning to play that instrument in front of people is its own, separate art.
The more you do it the less scary it will be, and gradually you’ll gain control over it.
There are still times I get nervous, but I’ve learned through the years how to stop it from impacting my playing as badly as it used to.
–James
Has anyone ever tried hypnosis for performance anxiety? I have it too and I wonder if it works.
i used to get really anxious when I played in front of people. The first time, naturally, was the worst.
As James and others have said, it’s a skill you develop. I don’t even think about it any more when I’m up on stage.
Strangely enough, I still get nervous and play worse if i’m playing by myself in my living room to a microphone.
Welcome to my world. i’ve been at it for thirty years plus. It does get better… somewhat… 
I find it helps if you play in front of people who’ve never seen or heard a whistle. For example: I’m in a play that is a series of monologues about war. At the end I asked if I could play “Amazing Grace” on the whistle. I got permission. The first time I played it for the cast, I was shaking; but now I can play it with no problem, at least in front of that group. I realize “Amazing Grace” is a pretty easy song, but that doesn’t matter if you’re so nervous you can’t breathe.
And somehow the though of using it to honor those who’ve served, or passed gives a bit of strength and steadiness, doesn’t it? Waltzing Mathilda is another good one for that.
anniemcu, you stirred up a memory that brought tears to my eyes.
–James
It’s all in the mind…
I’m a newbie as well and I have to say, first time I tried to join in on a tune in the session, nerves got me as well. But as said before : they were all beginners at one stage or another.
And I reckon it’s like learning a language (I know five) : you don’t get better unless you speak it. And if people laugh 'cause you’ve made a mistake either it’s because it’s funny (like using a word in the wrong context, which can be funny) or, if it’s not funny and they’re just laughing at your ineptitude, they’re the ones being stupid, not you… Cause at least you’re making the effort to get better and you will, in time…
So either way, shrug away the laughter (if there is any) and concentrate on what’s important : conveing the sentiment behind the words (or notes, in our case). Again, only practise makes perfect…