Giant Cow of Cair Duine...

Once again terror struck Glen Lachart on Tuesday, when the legendary giant cow of Cair Duine attacked a local man, leaving him stunned and disfigured.

Jack Wilson (37) was returning from laying a carpet for his wife’s younger sister Agnes (22) late on Tuesday evening, when he decided to take a shortcut home across the boglands which surround many parts of the village.

As he carefully made his way across the soggy marshland, “an enormous shadow” passed over him, causing him to start. When Jack turned round he found himself standing before the giant bovine.

“It was huge!” a still shaken Jack told us, “It must’ve been bigger than a house, with great big horns the size of cabers.”

Added Jack: “It was easily the biggest cow I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a few big cows in my time.”

Before Jack had a chance to move, the cow attacked, scarring him with its pointy horns before disappearing into the night.

What the giant cow may look like

Jack’s wife, Mairi, was in bed when her husband returned home, and didn’t find out about the cow attack until he had undressed to join her.

“I noticed the big scratches on Jack as soon as he took his shirt off,” Mairi recalled, “dozens of them there were right down his back, along with the carpet burns he must’ve gotten while laying Aggie’s carpet. And what looked like three big whip marks.”

“I asked him where he got them from,” continued Mairi, “which is when he told me about the Cair Duine cow attacking him, scratching him with those big horns and whipping him with it’s big, cow tail!”

“I’ll be making sure he takes the long way round when he makes his next twice-weekly visit to help Aggie put in her lightbulbs.”

Despite there being no real evidence to support the existence of the Cair Duine Cow - so named after the golf course on which it made it’s first documented appearance - Jack’s encounter is just one of many which have baffled villagers and cow experts alike.

The Glen Lachart Star approached Veterinarian and Cow Expert Dr Richard Heuston PhD for his opinion on the giant cow, but he wasn’t in.

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carpet burns, eh? whip marks, eh? scratches, eh?

i need say no more…

I BELIEVE!

The picture shows once again the superiority of the Routmaster Bus over the new Icky Yukky Bendi-Bus.

Put the cow next to a Bendi-Bus (ick, yuk) and it would look normal, because the Bendi-Bus steers like a cow.

I believe too… that the missus might open her eyes a might wider …

(Wondering if sister Agnes needs any more help around the house…)



:smiley:

looks like we’ve got a volunteer. two, that is. :smiley:

Rumor has it the cow spanked him, too.

Isn’t it an old bovine saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me”?

No? Hmmm. I wonder where I herd (sic) that, then?

“Whips and chains and black leather boots: that’s what naughty cows are made of.”

:astonished:
That is all I can say about that whole story and wow is his wife oblivious or what.

Poor old Jack needs to get a better story.
Giant cow indeed!
A Highlands is the Giant Cow?

Come on now.

A Charlois I can believe, but not a sweet little Highlands…