I don’t know if family reunions are as popular in other countries as they are in the U.S., but they are nearly obligatory here and today I got the Family Reunion Email. The one that starts the war. The one that gets everybody upset about where it’s going to be, who can be there, who can’t, who’s bringing what, what activities we’re going to have, why Brent isn’t speaking to anybody and Marc hasn’t been to a reunion in three years because of what Deb said to Sandy about him. The email arrived at about 8:00 a.m. In the past 12 hours, Marc has once again refused to attend, I’ve declined (for me and my daughter) and the emails are now flying, with hurt feelings (“is it the location or is this personal?”) and ruffled feathers.
I was whining to a co-worker today about this, and she mentioned that they’d reserved their family reunion campsite last November and have already planned a pirate theme–she’s already ordered little doo-dads (bandanas, eye patches, the whole bit). The whole extended family will love it.
And I was hoping everybody’s family was as dysfunctional as mine is. Anybody else dread family reunions and consider them Cruel and Unusual Punishment? I’d love to hear that not everybody is the Cleaver family with smiles, hugs, matching t-shirts and family flags (that’s one of the activities my co-worker has planned–teams to make family flags).
My family is interracial and the individuals who married outside of their race or the ones who are mixed race, and those of us who are homosexual (especially if you want to bring your spouse) or those who have left my family’s version of religion(s) are not really welcome to attend family reunions (by either side), but we tend to attend sporadically sometimes anyway. It’s always chock full of drama, that’s for sure.
I usually end up by myself in a corner waiting for the time to pass, or doing something with the kids (who aren’t 1/2 as dysfunctional…yet).
So you’re not alone.
I always find the sociological dynamics of family reunions like ours fascinating. I am absolutely certain that if some people were not related, they’d never speak to one another.
I wish this was just a dinner or something, but it’s usually THREE days. Last year we went camping/fishing. This year the family in charge has decided to have us “camp” in the oldest son’s back yard in a Salt Lake City suburb, spend two days at the local amusement park (which I HATE), and go to a drive-in movie. Sound like fun, especially with a group of people who get along like jGilder and BrianC? Blech.
My husband’s aunt always used to have the family get together on Memorial Day at her house. It was a very small house, one bathroom, on a farm out in the wheatfields. When we were first married and this was at its height, there would be: the aunt and uncle whose house it was plus their 2 kids and several grandkids, the aunt who lived about 15 miles away, the other aunt and uncle and kids and grandkids who lived about 10 miles away, my mother-in-law, my husband, me, our daughter, my sister-in-law, her husband, their 3 kids, an uncle and his kids and grandkids, another uncle and his kids and grandkids, and sometimes another uncle. With one bathroom. And it usually rained so we couldn’t go outside. Plus we couldn’t eat outside even if it was nice because my mother-in-law gets an earache if the wind blows even a tiny bit.
At one of these, one uncle said “I’m not going deaf. I can hear perfectly well. It’s just that these darn kids don’t speak clearly. All they have to do is stand in front of me, not behind me, and speak clearly!”
I’m an only child. I HATE being in a crowd of people. I hate listening to all the old folks talk about all their aches and pains, or religion.
Now that the aunt has gotten older and her husband died she doesn’t do the get together anymore, and none of the kids has stepped in. YAY!
Even with my parent’s side of the family I would be bored to tears if we had to spend any amount of time with them.
I don’t mind chatting with people on this board because I can choose to participate or not, and nobody says I’m being rude or moody if I don’t join in. And here I don’t have to eat a little bit of everything so I don’t hurt anybody’s feelings.
I wonder if family reunions are a regional thing, or sub-cultural?
My family has never held a reunion, as far as I know, on either my dextral or sinistral sides. I had some friends over for a bit, and none of them had been to, or been invited to, a reunion, either. We’d all had experiences of a large portion of the family showing up for major holiday stuff (Christmas/Hannukah/Passover, mostly), but no actual reunions.
Maybe my friends and I are just outliers. Do other Californians hold family reunions?
We don’t have “reunions”. We have family gatherings. They tend to be referred to as “gathering of the clans”. They are instigated by the senior Matriarch whoever that may be. When the Senior Matriarch’s power declines, the clan gathering no longer occurs.
On MY side the family gathering was Christmas. I was firm about this (I don’t usually take a stand in family affairs).
After we got married, we went once to MY mother’s for christmas, once to my wife’s Mother’s for christmas and then stayed at home saying “I feel Christmas is a time for the family, don’t you?” There was (fortunately) nothing they could say. It’s no joke travelling at holiday season with a young child. Especially if there are plane flights or ferries involved.
My wife’s mother has for years insisted on a family gathering at New Year. She just issues the Ukase: she never actually lifts a finger. If all of her children stood together and ignored her it wouldn’t happen. But inevitably one child (all adults over forty) feels guilty enough to get in some grub and clean up her house for her, and the rest feel duty bound to join in.
It sounds cruel to say they all hate her. They have good reason.
Herbivore, What kind of family do you have? We don’t divide into sinister and dexter (we’re all sinister, I think) but Distaff side and Spear side.
In case you are in any doubt, Distaff is the female side and Spear is the male.
Since our family is all nearby we just have gatherings. In fact we’ll be gathering this weekend up on Bass lake. We usually play cards. My Dad’s siblings and some of my cousins like to argue all the time amongst themselves. It’s just the way it is and I pay no attention. I think they enjoy it because they spend all their time together. I never get involved.
The funny thing about my family is they will fight with each other but heaven help anyone who starts trouble from outside the clan. Also if a member of the family has a serious medical problem they all drop everything and go to their aid. So they’re pretty cool overall.
My Mom goes to her family reunion every year in Ohio. I never go because I don’t know any of them.
we used to have gatherings of both sides of my mom’s family (grandmother, one of 8 kids, grandfather, one of 10). We always had them at our house (country, land, large basement). Since my mom sold the house, the only times we’ve been together has been weddings or funerals.
My dad used to say HE could have a reunion in the car, because he had few relatives.
I’m an only child. My mom’s one and only sibling had one child. My dad had basically nothing to do with his brother, and if I ran into my cousins face to face, I wouldn’t know them.
When I was growing up my brother’s friend used to point out, with a mix of admiration and disdain, how closely we resembled Father Knows Best. So I’m sorry to say, for the purposes of this thread, that we all really enjoy our annual week in Nags Head. For drama and angst there’s always my husband’s family.
Oh, listen! When I do go back to Norn Iron I get treated to daunting lists of people I’m supposed to know, with appropriate descriptions:
O, he’s your great aunt Ida’s second cousin. She’s your second cousin once removed on your mother’s side, through the Balmers. She’s a Heaney, and she’s Aunt Hillary’s granddaughter. She’s a Banbridge Connery so you won’t know her.
I just let it all wash over me. My mind won’t retain it anyway. I’m related to every other person in Ireland. I am resigned to that knowledge. I suppose it was a good idea to marry in England - a better chance of avoiding consanguinity.
Ours were always held at Dad’s place (Eldest sister and Bro-in-law bought Mom’s house and kept her until she died in '91), then, it moved down to my other sister’s place.
I always look forward to it, because we are so scattered about now and I get to meet members of the family that are still alive and catch up with the news on the folks that can’t make it.
I just wish I could get my son and his wife to spend more time at the “doins”. And, man, the eats! Both at the reunion and church! I am getting hungry just thinking about it! My nephew made home made ice cream last year, but I was diabetic at the time and only took one tablespoon of it. Did that taste good!
I invite my best friend from West Virginia down and he has come twice.
The church has Homecoming the Sunday after our family reunion. I lose control of my diet
There are few people on my mom’s side of the family, and if the few that are around have ever had a reunion, we weren’t invited. I’ve never met most of the half dozen or so cousins that are still around.
My dad’s family had its first reunion last summer. There were probably about 75-100 people there, of which I knew exactly 6, and that’s counting my parents. My dad knew a few more people, but not many. It was nice in a way to meet all these relations I never knew I had, and figuring out connections was interesting. But it was depressing for my dad, since very few of his generation were left, and my mom and I are both not very social people, so it was also awkward. But at least we were spared the drama.
I can’t say we’ve ever had a reunion in the Milner family just for the sake of it; there has to be some other event such as a wedding or funeral for a major gathering.
As Avanutria and I have just survived a weekend featuring not one but two wedding receptions (mainly so my mother could show us off), I’m glad to say there’s nothing more planned until Christmas.
I’m usually pretty good at putting on the charming smile and pretending some degree of interest, at least for an hour or two. We don’t get to play games and make flags though, just stand around eating and drinking, and playing with the various babies sprouting up.
We’ve just had advanced warning of one Avanutria’s Family Reunions planned for July 2007. Apart from an opportunity to meet her extended family again, it’s also an excuse to visit another part of the States, and I can always slip away and hide in our room for a bit of peace and quiet.
One benefit of the “huge” extended family is that the events are held in a hotel, not someone’s house.
In the U.S., we demarcate ourselves by the people standing over there (waves right hand at the dextral half of the family) and the people over there (waves left hand to indicate the sinistral half). It keeps things interesting when someone sneaks across the room.
(Just messing around with language at the expense of clarity, which is a bad habit of mine, for which I apologize. Things seem funny or engagingly quirky in my head, I put them on paper – or the web – and it turns out they’re just misshapen, weird little things to others, who then look at me funny. Sigh…)
Susan, I’d forgotten to add: best of luck! Family gatherings, whether reunions or no, can come weighted with all kinds of awkward stuff. May yours turn out to be, at worst, uneventful.
One on my mother’s side when I was a child of maybe 10 years old. My strongest memory of the event was how aghast my grandmother was that there were “colored” people in attendance, due to interracial marriages on some family tree or another. I am always surprised at my grandmother’s racism, considering that, at least as far as genetics are concerned, she’s as much american indian as anything else.
My step-father’s side of the family had a reunion about 8 years ago. It was the first time I’d seen many of my immediate family, since I don’t get to visit very often. My strongest memory of that event was of my younger brother getting drunk and poking at me like he wanted to do some kung fu sparring. He told me “C’mon, I can take you! I’m not 16 any more!” My response: “I’ll make you feel like you are.” I amuse myself sometimes.
I wouldn’t call my family disfunctional exactly…but it’s certainly not a 50’s style tv-show family, for sure.
All types of families to be sure. My aunt and some cousins do more extended family reunions (I mean, for instance, all the descendants of my great-grandparents) which I never attend since I know maybe three people. They’re always just get-together at a park for a picnic and visiting sort of thing.
The reunion we’ve attempted to get going in our immediate family (my dad, my brothers and sister and all their kids) is a more intense, three-day deal where you come for whatever part of it you can make - all or some. However, we have some very strong personalities, as well as some incredibly thin-skinned folks in our clan and one sister-in-law who thrives on drama and will create it if none exists. It can get very ugly. Add to that the problem of lodging and entertainment for a large group of people ranging from age 80 to 8 weeks and you have the makings of a real mess.
It’s been important to me to try and go because this is all the family my daughter has. Her father and his family are non-existent in her life and she has no siblings. Maybe we could adopt a family!
For my families’ reunions, there are never formal or actual invitations. There are just phone calls, chatter, and the constant expectating question, “Are YOU gonna come?”
