Hey, these Italians know how to throw an opening ceremony. Right now they’re rolling around life-sized plastic cows. Some roller-skating dancers are dressed in clothes that are white with big black spots—in keeping with the cow theme. There are pre-recorded cow sounds on the P.A. There are also some tree people. People wearing tree costumes. Like, Christmas trees with legs.
I am stone-cold sober.
I LOVED the cows! Maybe cow-tipping is going to be an Olympic sport?
Earlier they had all these people forming a big heart that was supposed to be beating. But, they were waving their arms around and so it looked like the big heart had heartworms.
Right now they’re doing all this stuff that seem to represent something. Oh wait, it’s a big humanoid on skis. It’s breathing steam, even. Oh, the people are animating the giant humanoid ski-jumping. It’s kinda cool in a sort of fever dream way.
COOL! They have guys skating around with helmets shooting out flames! It’s like the Red Hot Chili Peppers on skates!
The Italians seem to favor American pop music from the 70s and 80s. Like, disco. Algeria is marching in to K.C. & the Sunshine Band’s “I’m Your Boogie Man”. They must be proud.
Australia, Austria: “I Will Survive.”
Belgium, Belarus: Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop 'Til You Get Enough.”
Bosnia and Herzegovina: “Freak-Out”
WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS MUSIC??!!
Bulgaria, Canada: “Boogie Wonderland” (I think)
And, by the way, the Canadians have some majorly silly-looking costumes.
Sillier than the girls with the alpine mountain skirts? If I had to wear one, I’d sneak a couple of Yeti onto mine.
Most important: I have the hots for Bob Costas.
BTW, the ceremonies are just starting here. Why is Brian Williams dressed as a priest?
Susan
Costa Rica: WAIT. Costa Rica has a Winter team??
Croatia. More weird costumes. They look like firemen.
Ok, we’re finally getting a break from disco music. They’re playing some kind of spanish sounding thing.
Probably Ricky Martin. I can’t hear it.
Those were HOT.
Macedonia, Finland: “Hot Stuff” (Donna Summer)
Why are the Macedonians all about 60 years old?
They’re gonna be in the big Bingo event. Bingo was FINALLY recognize as an Olympic sport this year. Read the freakin’ newspaper, Emm.
French costumes pretty tasteful.
They all look stuck-up, though.
OH! A flash bulb went off and the French are all scrambling and running for cover!
Georgia’s marching in. I’m confused. Did Georgia secede from the USA?
Ok, I’m not sure I can report on the music anymore. Mercifully, they’ve turned down the music in the mix.
You know, Dale, you really should put “spoiler alert” in the title…the ceremonies are just starting here!
Susan
Japan: Back to some American disco song I can’t quite place.
Ok, the English are looking good. Nice costumes.
India: Only 4 athletes. Marilyn just said: “Evidently the rest of them are on the phone doing customer technical service.”
Ireland: “FUNKY TOWN”
I thought John Paul II died… when did he become President of Italy?
Bring on the Jamaican bob sleigh dudes.
Slan,
D. 
Latvia rules.