The Ashes Test Matches start tomorrow in the noble sport of Criggitt. In most cases this is something which a) you won’t understand and b) you won’t be interested in.
There will probably be a great deal of insults flying back and forth between both parties but don’t worry. When it’s all over we’ll all go down to the pub for a drink together (where we’ll insult each other’s beer).
You may take sides if you wish but please all be ready in a few weeks time to congratulate England on their brilliant victory. 
Traditionally, when England wins the Ashes series against Australia, it’s celebrated with a fly over of her Majesty’s Royal Flying pigs.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, Oi, Oi!
(ignore me, I just like heckling)
That’s two digs at the English so far and the Aussies haven’t even responded yet. This could get tougher than I thought. 
You’re right. Let me balance things out:
Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves… 
That has got to be my all time favourite emoticon. 
Last time out here the Barmy Army taunted us with choruses of ‘God Save Your Gracious Queen.’ Merely winning the Ashes wasn’t nearly payback enough for that one.
Whew- thank god that’s all it is. From the Subject of the thread, I thought maybe C&F was going to start profiling.
I don’t follow the sport, but I did live in London for three years, so was exposed to lots of it there. I spent many a Saturday watching hours and hours of the same dude at bat.
All the Best, Tom
That must’ve been G. Boycott. He’d probably have scored 19 after merely hours and hours “at bat” (we’d say ‘at the crease’, or ‘in’). 
Oh, right, “at the crease.” I couldn’t recall.
It was a long time ago. When I was in the Navy, I was stationed in London for a few years, 81 - 84. I can’t recall any of the chaps’ names at the moment.
Tom
“The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.”—-GBS
Never a truer word.
David
Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
Well, just in case there’s any doubt in anyone’s mind, have a listen to this.
Hilarious Gary.
I remember sitting in a pub in Oxford many years ago listening to a chinless wonder telling others of his ilk that the Scots weren’t really so bad but weren’t they so terribly mean. I felt like interjecting that my Scottish friends were not in the slightest bit mean. But after all those centuries of close enforced exposure to the English, you could hardly expect a Scot or an Irishman to actually trust the English could you?
I didn’t bother. He wouldn’t have had the foggiest idea what I was talking about. 
Wombat finally got an avatar!
Pigs flew over Lords this morning. The shock caused five Aussie batsmen to concede their wickits. 
Aussies all out for 190, but England now 18-3 after 13 overs. Good thing I have the day off tomorrow, or I’d miss the whole match!
Oh you had to say that. It’s 4 down now! 
Edited to add: oh pants. 5.
The Humanity! The Humiliation!
If it weren’t for a good cup of tea, I’d be creasing up.
The pigs have landed and England’s batting is collapsing, again! :roll: