No offense to anyone, but, this is just downright scary…
Tom Cruise is weird.
is it time for Dale to bring back the Cruiselord avatar? 
Crucify him!
…sorry love, did I pick up the wrong cue?
I nominate Cran’s post for Understatement of the Year.
But here’s a thought: maybe Scientology’s actually trying to get RID of him. Not a bad way to do it, if you like Macchiavellian.
We have more than 11 whole months left. I’m sure Walden will out under-state me.
No, that really might solve a lot of problems.
CALLING AMERICA.
The Sun, a daily British tabloid rag, makes your National Enquirer look like a heavyweight intellectual tome.
AVOID ALL CONTACT.
Slan,
D.
[Hits thumb with hammer] AAAH! OW!! THOMAS H. CRUISE!
Caj
Right-o. It is slightly more serious than the Weekly World News, tho.
Just doesn’t have the same force, does it.
Anyway, I wouldn’t elevate his name so, even by making an obscenity of it. He’s doing that just fine on his own.
Plus, it has Page 3 girls. All we get is Bat Boy and Kirstie Alley’s cellulite.
I think it’s time for Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice to start work on Thomas Cruise, Superstar.
Katie Holmes:
Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Engrams that upset you
Oh, Don’t you know
Your thetan will soon become
Totally free!
And we want you to sleep well tonight
…
Psychiatric patients:
My Seratonin levels are far too low,
Let me see bunnies running through the fields.
I believe you can make me whole…
Don’t let me end up like Brooke Shields!
Will you touch, will you mend me Cruise?
Won’t you touch, will you heal me Cruise?
Thomas Cruise:
Heal yourselves!
…
John Travolta:
I don’t want your blood money!
Matt Stone:
You might as well take it, our ratings are good!
John Travolta:
I don’t need your blood money!
Trey Parker:
We saw Battlefield Earth, so we think that you should.
…
Oprah:
So, you are Tom Cruise,
The great Thomas Cruise!
Your love for Kate you must vouchsafe:
Jump up on my couch and rave!
…
etc.
HAHA!!!
That is great!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrzIaRwAMvc
Tom Cruise Kills Oprah
[cussing practice]
Tom Cruise! What was that?
Tom Cruise! Whaddaya want from me?
Tom Cruise! Cut me some slack, will ya?
Tom Cruise! Now what?
[/cussing practice]
Sorry. It’s just not gonna work.
The problem is his name doesn’t have enough syllables, so you can’t really put stress on the words. Try this:
Tom Freaking Cruise! What were you thinking?
I like this. I believe it works.