I’ve been doing some spring cleaning and considering I’m a recovering pack rat, this is no minor task. Trying to get organized, find a home for that which is no longer used, etc. and it’s one of those things where past frustration and current determination dictate that it happens NOW. Period. Dig through it, get it over with, just do it.
So, was digging though one of my boxes of “stuff”, filing papers to keep in a gasp filing cabinet, putting other stuff through one of those handy dandy paper shredders, or just throwing it away… when I ran across the following.
I know it’s not Christmas anymore, but thought it was worth sharing with someone anyhow.
Ever wonder what would happen if you followed the advice contained in the song “12 Days of Christmas”, giving your “true love” all of those swans a swimming and maids a milking? Well, wonder no more… 
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December 14
My Darling John,
I answered the door today and to my delightful surprise the postman handed me a partridge in a pear tree. What a marvelous gift! I just couldn’t have been more surprised and pleased.
With deepest love and affection.
Your only true love,
Agnes
December 15
Dearest John,
Again today the postman brought me a beautiful gift from you. Just imagine, two turtle doves. I’m so delighted. Your gift is so thoughtful. They’re absolutely adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 16
My Dear Dear John,
Aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They’re darling, but I must insist. You’ve been far too kind.
Lovingly,
Agnes
December 17
My Dear Sweetheart,
Today again the postman knocked on my door and this time he delivered four calling birds. Now really, John. They’re beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re just being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
December 18
My Dear Sweet John,
What an absolutely wonderful surprise! Today the postman brought me five golden rings. One for each finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds are beginning to get on my nerves.
With Love,
Agnes
December 19
Dear John,
When I opened my door this morning, there were six geese a laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again? John, they’re huge! Where in the world will I keep them, or what will I do with all those eggs they’re a laying? The neighbors are complaining about all the noise and the smell and I can’t sleep a wink. Please, please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
December 20
Dear John,
What’s with you and all these blasted birds? It’s now seven swans a swimming. What kind of lousy joke is this? Bird droppings all over the house. My fingers are raw to the bone from building all those bird cages. I can’t sleep. It’s not funny any longer so stop it immediately.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 21
Okay, buster. What in the world is going on? What on earth am I going to do with eight maids a milking? I prefer the birds. It’s not enough with all those birds and maids, they had to bring all their cows with them. The lawn is a mess. You have to be careful where you step and the house smells awful. I’m warning you- lay off!
Agnes
December 22
Hey jerk! What are you, some kind of weirdo? Today there’s nine pipers piping. All they do is chase the maids. The cows are giving too much milk. The neighbors refuse to buy the milk. The birds are all screeching because of the playing pipers and the maids refuse to eat goose eggs. What am I supposed to do? The neighbors have started eviction proceedings against me. I’ll get you!
Agnes
December 23
You rotten knucklehead! Now there’s ten ladies dancing. All they do is dance, dance, dance all night long. They’re eating me out of house and home. All the cows are getting sick, all the milk is going sour, and the Board of Health is threatening to condem the place. I’ve had it , you stupid blockhead! I’m sicking the police on you!
One who means it,
Agnes
December 24
Listen, you goon. What’s with eleven lords a leaping? All those maids and ladies and pipers are driving me nuts! All twenty-three of the birds have been trampled to death. I hope you’re satisfied!
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
December 25
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming which you have seen fit to inflict upon my client. Miss McFurry’s destruction was of course total, and she is now at Happydale Sanitarium where attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
Enclosed please find a bill for all damages and a warrant for your arrest.
Yours truly,
G.F. Bailey
Attorny at Law
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Now if only he had given her whistles! 
Sara (goes back to spring cleaning)