Here’s an interesting site:
http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/corpus/search/advanced.php
It’s a map search allowing you to hear and read various samples of local dialects from around Scotland (and a few from England as well).
So ye kin hear foo we spik.
Ach gowaan. You don’t spik like that noo, dew ye?
nae maseel, bit ma grunny spiks lik that aww the time.
Ach drap deid
Awa ‘n’ boil yer heid
Or I’ll punch yer ticket twice
Such a colourful language. 
djm
Someone on the UP Forum (is it unsurprising?) a while back wrote “bile yer heid”.
I got a lesson in “Scots Dialect” once: you just repeat “whale oil beef hooked” over and over until you get it.
My favourite was from So I Married An Axe Murderer where they describe the Scottish martial art of Fook Yee, consisting mainly of head butting and kicking the other guy when he’s on the ground. 
djm
OMG!!! I was just saying that out loud at work and got some very colorful looks!!
Not Safe For Work Outloud Reading!
