There was an old piper on chiff
Whose posts always caused a big tiff
His threads were all locked
He thought ,now I’m focked
So its time now, to roll me a spliff
RORY
“Most pipers that mess with the Donax
Have no skills, none at all, they have no knacks,
Yet Benedict Koehler
While still in his stroller,
Could make a fine reed with a stone axe”
Best so far.
Pat Sky
“The length of my tool notwithstanding,
I’ll not stand for your reprimanding!
The lassies before you
Will all reassure you
My fingering skills are outstanding!”
“I’ve played many a set: I’m no novice.
Whether B, C, or D I’m in near bliss…
Size should be no matter,
But I’ve never seen flatter
Than that which is under your bodice!”
This gets my vote as the best C&F thread in years. More! more!
An ugly old piper named Thag,
Once wooed a bodhran-playing hag,
Said he, with a grin,
“Lass, I’ll moisten your skin,
If you’ll come and season my bag!”
Said the hag, “Slow your horse to a canter,
For ‘tis I you’ll not win with such banter,
Though you’d find me more chipper
If the length of my tipper
Weren’t thrice that of your peur aul’ chanter!”
“The length of my tool notwithstanding,
I’ll not stand for your reprimanding!
The lassies before you
Will all reassure you
My fingering skills are outstanding!”
“I’ve played many a set: I’m no novice.
Whether B, C, or D I’m in near bliss…
Size should be no matter,
But I’ve never seen flatter
Than that which is under your bodice!”
So the piper named Thag with his bag
Started to shag the old hag
There were curses and smiles
You could hear them for miles
Then they lay back and each lit fag
There is a fine piper called Doc
Who can play little tunes on his… clock
With a special erection,
He can play a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bach
A piper named Rory Bellow
Preceded all tunes with a roll
Oh what does he play
In that spaced out way
‘tis ganja at the pratie hole’
There was a young piper called Stow
Who wrote about Rory smoking blow
His first name was Simon
Who said pass the joint mon
As my mind is getting into the flow
RORY
Hey, Pat, old friend, slan go foill!
Remember old Piper Joe Doyle?
The grimace he made.
whenever he played,
was due to the Pains of his Boil!
hehheh
cheers,
Pat Sky was a pipemaker that
Drove his mates all to gossip and chat
For his flatulent piping
Caused ructions and griping
The consensus? His bass drone is flat.
there has to be at least one with the place Nantucket mentioned…
There once was a reed from Nantucket.
When gouged, tied and scraped one did suck it.
It crowed like a hero.
To chanter it did go,
Bag pressure alone did destruct it.
This started out as something else… then spun out of control
“The First House In Connaught” was called for
by a drunken old guy named Balfour
Johnny pumped up his bag,
gave his fingers a wag
and dashed of the set that was called for.
The old man said, “Johnny my fellow,
please slow it down nice, sweet and mellow.
My old Da would play that.
In my high-chair I sat
to see the birds outside the window.”
“No happier days I remember
than Letterfrack in late September.
The weather was fairer,
the music was rarer,
the fiddles were all very limber.”
A girl came to Johnny the Piper,
“Is my Dad after bending your ear?
He can spin a story
of days of rare glory
but he’s really just caging for beer.”
John looked at the girl now before him.
The vision of her made his head swim.
He said, “My dear Lady
your Da may be cagey
but my hat’s off to you and to him.”
John said, “Miss if you would but linger
I’ll play the tune as he remember(s).
Then perhaps you and I
might chat.” Then by and by,
he slipped a ring onto her finger.
So you pipers that speed through your tunes
you don’t know when you might become grooms.
So practice those speed runs…
but slow down the good ones,
who know who might listen to you soon.
I dated a girl named MacMillan,
‘till I told her that my pipes were uilleann.
She said “What the hell?
I’m sure you’ll get well
If you just take enough penicillin.”
There was an old piper ready for retirement
went to the Social Security Office for his entitlement
The counter lady asked for his ID
but his wallet was left at home,you see
Unbutton your shirt and show me your curly silver haired chest
She said, that’s enough proof for me and it’ tis the best
When at home , he told his wife of his day, being a lady of ability
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability.’