Papal Election Brings End to Worldwide Sin Binge

Poststructural Pub
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Papal Election Brings End to Worldwide Unsupervised-Catholic Sin Binge

VATICAN CITY—In the interim between Pope John Paul II’s death and the election of his replacement, unsupervised Catholics seized the opportunity to sin without fear of reprisal, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“For two weeks, it was like Mardi Gras all over again,” said Bryan Cousivert, a Catholic from Arizona. “People were drinking, cursing, and engaging in premarital or even extramarital sex. More importantly, everyone was being totally open about it. No one was worried about doing any penance at all!”

Continued Cousivert: “When the cat’s away, the mice will play.”

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4116&n=1


:laughing: Warning: Those that don’t “get” satire should move on to the next topic. :wink:

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this is like sodom and gomorra!
shocked. i am shocked.

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Sin is over-rated.

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dang - it! WHY do I always hear about this stuff after the fact??? :smiley:

Missy

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If they wanted to sin so much, why did they choose to be religious?! Why not just choose a belief system that allowed for those activities?

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Then it doesn’t feel as much like sin.

“What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead.” --Romans 7:7-8.

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That’s right: sine lege nullum crimen.

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Are you allowed to choose everything you believe?

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"But when Vatican officials said that final ‘Amen,’ you could feel something change in the air. Someone screamed ‘festa!’ and pretty soon Catholic women were going wild, running topless in the streets.

I’m appalled. Simply appalled. Only in Italy would something like that happen.

I’d like to stay and discuss this further, but I need to go borrow a step-ladder . . . my lace veil has somehow gotten stuck in the ceiling fan . . .

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Well, the election of the new pontiff ain’t ending MY sin binge any time soon.

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Gosh, I love The Onion.

:slight_smile:

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Yes, the article of the late Pope’s disappointment that Heaven is less opulent than the Vatican was hilarious.

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:laughing:

Remember the old joke about the Pope, the lawyer and the plumber who all arrived at the Gates of Heaven ?

The plumber was dumbfounded when he saw the quarters given to the Pope, which were very spartan, quite plain… whereas the lawyer was given a huge penthouse level suite with views, swimming pool, hot tub, butler, the works…

And St. Peter says to the plumber, "Listen, you’ve got to understand something… we’ve got lots of Popes up here… but that lawyer, why, he’s the first one we ever had! :slight_smile:

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I there I was thinking we had a thread about Cardinal Sin going on a bender. I gotta say, I’m disappointed.

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Wasn;t there one along the lines of “Catholic church forgives children for tempting priests, causing sex scandal?”

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You should probably read The Onion. Then you’ll get it.

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There is the story about the man who confesses:

‘I had sexual intercourse seven times last night!’

‘Who was the woman, my son?’ the priest asks.

‘My wife.’

‘But that is not a sin!’

‘I know, but I had to tell somebody!’

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There is also a joke among academics (administrators, mostly).

Teaching without research is like confession without sin.
If you don’t do the latter you’re pretty uninteresting
when you do the former.

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And we all know chocolate tastes better when you’re on a diet.

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Now I know why they’ve chosen such an old codger for the new Pope; he’ll peg out quicker and they can get in some good sinning all the sooner.