OT: The Diary of Adam and Eve

Whistle
1

I found this by Mark Twain–The Diary of Adam and Eve.
Some excerpts:

Monday: This new creature with the long hair is a
good deal in the way. It is always hanging round and
following me about. I don’t like this; I am not used to
company. I wish it would stay with the other animals…

Saturday: The new creature eats too much fruit.

Monday. The new creature says its name is Eve.
That is all right, I have no objections. Says it is to
call it by, when I want it to come. I said it was
superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me
in its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word
and will bear repetition. It says it is not anIt; it is a
She. This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one
to me; what she is were nothing to me if she would
but go by herself and not talk.

Tuesday:…She is in much trouble about the
buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; thinks
it was intended to live on decayed flesh.
The buzzard must get along as best it can
on what is provided. We cannot overturn the
whole scheme to accomodate the buzzard.

Next Tues: She has taken up with the snake now.
The other animals are glad, for she was always
experimenting with them and bothering them.

Friday: She says the snake advises her to eat
the fruit of that tree, and says the result will be
a great and fine and noble education. I told her
it would introduce death into the world. That was
a mistake; it only gave her an idea–she could save
the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the
despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to
keep away from the tree. She said she
wouldn’t. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.

Well, this continues through the Fall, Cain and Able.
Eve has her diary, too. Adam is this wonderfully
scientific reasonable fellow who generally gets
things wrong. First he thinks Cain is a fish,
then a kangaroo, then a bear.

It becomes quite moving, finally.

The last entry is Adam’s at Eve’s grave:

Wherever she was, there was Eden.

Delightful stuff.

2

looks a bit misogynist to me.

3

The Diary of Adam & Eve is one of the funnniest things I’ve ever read. Unfortunately, my book of a compilation of Twain’s writings (of which this was a part) was borrowed by a family member years ago and has now
disappeared. :frowning:

This is absolutely wonderful writing - a great story.

Susan

4

Here’s Eve, about two days old:

I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon,
to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able
to make out. I think it is a man. I had never seen a man,
but it looked like one, and I feel sure that that is what
it is. I realize that I feel more curiousity about it than
about any other reptiles. If it is a reptile, and I suppose it is;
for it has frowsy hair and blue eyes and looks like
a reptile. It has no hips; it tapers like a carrot; when
it stands, it spreads itself apart like a derrick; so I think
it is a reptile, though it may be architecture.

I was afraid of it at first, and started to run everytime
it turned around, because I thought it was going to
chase me; but by and by I thought it was only trying
to get away, so after that I was not timid anymore,
but tracked it along several hours, about 20 yards behind,
which made it nervous and unhappy. At last it was a
good deal worried and climbed a tree. I waited a good
while, then gave it up and went home.

Sunday: It is up there yet, resting apparently.
It looks like a creature that is more interested in
resting than anything else. I do wonder what it is
for. I never see it do anything. It has low tastes
and is not kind.

Well, I think what’s going on is that
it takes a long time for Adam and Eve
to figure each other out, though Eve
is the more curious of the two.
They come to love each other
powerfully–at least partly because
they are too different to understand
each other very welll.

Well, the first three million years
are the hardest. Best

5

Boy, that sure rings true!

Loren

6

Twain’s da man.

7

As long as we are dealing with
fundamentals here, I want to share–free of charge,
mind you–the secret of a happy marriage.

My wife wishes to domesticate me, but
if she ever succeeds she will lose all
interest; also all respect. On the other hand
if I’m utterly beyond redemption, she will
abandon me as a lost cause.

Therefore it is essential to walk a fine
line between being a good boy and running
amuck. One must appear to be a project
almost completed, yet forever tantalizingly just
out of reach.

In short, the secret to an enduring
relationship, if one is a man anyway
(my area of expertise) is to always
remain a bad–but not a very bad–boy. Snips and snails and puppy dog tails
are the order of the day.

For example, I often buy my wife
flowers at the Farmer’s Market where
the Bates Street Folk N’ Blues Band
performs on Saturday. When I
bring them home she says: ‘Five
lilacs–how beautiful!’

I respond: ‘Well, I bought seven,
but I ate two of them on the
way home.’

That sort of thing. Remember, you
heard it here first. Best

8

Well said, Jim. Well said.

9

Wise words indeed Jim, certainly for the married man anyway…

Loren

10

Hi Everyone.
As a confirmed lurker, I usually just read, but the mention of anything written by Mark Twain is enough to bring me to the surface.
The Diaries of Adam and Eve are very funny and actually fairly accurately mirror the differences between Men and Women in general. The Man at first thinks the Woman is a nuisance and tries to get away from her, but in the end, when she dies, he is desolate and incomplete.
This mixture of humour and sentiment is a thread in Mark Twain’s writings.

My favorite lines in the diaries I am not able to exactly quote,but go something like this:

Eve is speaking:

“Adam seems intelligent. He is self taught… he knows a great many things…”
… "But they ain’t So!.. " :slight_smile:

11

Yes, there is an extraordinary mixture
of humor and sentiment here–it makes
the piece wise as well as funny.
And quite moving, finally.

Eve is considering why she loves
Adam, and in doing so she says:

It is not on account of his education that
I love him–no, it is not that.
He is self-educated, and really does know
a multitude of things, but they are not so.

She continues:

He is strong and handsome, and I love
him for that, and I admire him and I am
proud of him, but I could love him without
those qualities. If he were plain I should
love him; if he were a wreck I should
love him…

Yes, I think I love him merely because he
is mine and he is masculine. There is no
other reason, I suppose. And so I think it
is as I first said: that this kind of love
is not the product of reasonings and
statistics. It just comes–none knows
whence–and cannot explain itself.
And doesn’t need to.

In the next entry, forty years later,
Eve prays that she and Adam will
pass from this life together. ‘But if one
of must go first, it is my prayer that it
shall be I.’

And the last entry, at Eve’s grave,
is Adam’s

Wheresoever she was, THERE was Eden.

They’ve lost paradise, but gained a love
that probably they couldn’t have had in it,
which in turn leads to heart-break, because
they must be separated by death.