OT: In honor of Professor Stone ...

… who has probably already seen this.

Jewish Buddhism

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

If you wish to know the way, don’t ask directions. Argue.

Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited, and whose fault was that?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

To practice Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

The Buddha taught that one should practice lovingkindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or prefer. Ask only, “Is it good for the Jews?”

To find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be here now. Be somewhere else later. Is that so complicated?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.

Wonderful! Jews who are Buddhists yet maintain
a Jewish identity are called JewBoos. For the
record, I’m just a Boo. My principal reason
for forsaking the tradition in which I was
born is that all the food gave me
heartburn. Thanks.

…or a Zen Judist?

ducking and running

i have a friend whose father is cuban and his mother is jewish.
he calls himself a jewban.

W.A.S.H.

White Anglo-Saxon Hindu

Where was it that I heard a young Jewish lady saying she had thought that a BLT meant bagels, lox and tsuris?

WOG = Whistling Orientalized Guru

FrOG = SOS, but Froonch

BZH = Breton Zen Hillbilly

and R.A.T.S. = double post

P.I.M.P. --Pali-Indoctrinated Musician/Pilosopher. (Jim, of course):smiley:

D.I.M.P.L.E.
Dyslexic Indoctrinated Philosopher-Musician Latino Englishman

Oy vey.

Oy vey, indeed!

Argh. Walden caught my typo. And here I thought everyone was taking a nap. :laughing:

Zzzzz … Hmph. Snort. Huh? What?

Oh. Zzzzz …

Walden and I are a couple of keys:

One O-KEY and one Ar-KEY! :stuck_out_tongue:

loved this one.

  • tom

:smiley:

:smiley:

There was an instruction manual ‘How to be a Jewish Mother,’
published during the 60s. Diagrams, basic handwringing
position–what to do if somebody catches you practicing.

‘My God, what’s the matter!’

‘It’s nothing. It will pass in a moment.’

Then, when you’ve got the basics, you buy your
son Marvin two sportshirts for Hannukah. You
wait until he wears one, then assume the
basic handwringing position and say:

‘The other one you didn’t like?’

Such jokes are hilarious, but I want to add that
growing up in a culture where people actually
behaved this way was considerably less funny. Best

You probably already know it, but if you like this kind of humour, check out the book Amy’s Answering Machine.

Speaking of answering machines, I haven’t been over to the Homestar Runner site in a while.

Oy, everyone’s slap happy tonight? The power must have been off quite awhile.